my husband surfing gay porn

[julie1022]

Been married for 13 years and have 3 children under 11. We have had ups and downs but we always stayed in love. Especially these days both of us are more caring and attending to each other after gone thru difficult times. My husband has high stress job and works for 14 to 15 hours. Noticed he's been somewhat emotionally cut off from me, his answer is always he's stressed from work but I just found out that he's been surfing the hard gay porn. Don't have a clue if he's curious or physically active, but absolutely devastated by the fact. Don't know if I should confront him. He tells me that he loves me and we are active in our physical side as well. Should I keep my eyes closed? Both of us are catholic, sending our children to catholic school and he's deeply involved with school and other social works. He's a man of principal and belief, I sense this gay porn could been bothering him and made him distant to me. I love him and want to help him, but right now am very confused.

[wonder26]

I Agree With The Others About Confronting Him About It. I Speak From Experience. I'm Bisexual And It Took Me A While To Figure It Out. He Might Just Be Curious About His Sexuality. I Was 16 Years Old When I Figured It Out It Took Me A Few Months To Be Sure. Even Though I'm Bisexual I Do Have A Girlfriend And She Knows That I'm Am. It Doesn't Change The Fact That I Love Her. Just Confront Him, But Do It Slowly Cuz It Might Be Hard For Him To Talk About It. I Kept It Hidden From People For 2 Years Be For I Came Out To Every Body. He Might Be Scared Of How You Will React. Hope This Helps.

[mr.lucky66]

He could next go to public mens rooms next.. Ah, the smell of s#!t mixed with gay sex! A lot of these guys (like sen. L. Craig), insisit that they are not gay and even seem macho, but make no mistake, they are queer as 3 dollar bills. all the best with your husband and your desicion.

[mr.lucky66]

These forays into to cyber voyerism can be dangerous. He may have opened Pandora's box and not able to close it. All kinds of bad things can happen when people delve into serious porn. Drugs, internet crimes, Bathroom liasons.  Be prepared to separate. all the best

[dove3053]

I didn't read the Dr.s Post. I can only speak from my own experience. I just divorced my husband last october but we had been sperated for 4 years. While we were spereated I found out he had sex with another man. At that point I couldn't care less. My husband was violent man. I do think in our relationship he tried to test the waters by saying things to see how I would react. I guess I never caught on.

People look at things because they are curious or they want that lifestyle. You need to ask you husband about this. This is affecting your life and he owes you some kind of explanation.

I put my husbands computer in the garbage. I didn't want anyone knocking on my door because of what may have been on there. I was lucky enough to start a new life.

Dove

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

He is probably confused too. He may be bisexual, he may just be exploring his sexual identitymore deeply and that identity might be homosexual.-Whatever it is,  something important is going on. It is critical that you find out how cemtral his homosexual attractions are. This is not just a stress reaction- it speaks to something that is in side of him-heterosexual men do not look to gay porn just because they are stressed. If he is leading a double life, or his sexual attractions have changed, he owes it to you and you owe it to yourself to find out the truth. If he won't fess up- go to counseling- and if he won't go to counseling, go yourself. You need someone ( in addition to a priest) who can put this into context-and who has some expertise about the subject. Many priests will be supportive, but not particularly knowledgable about this subject- and they may feel awkward or overreact because of the topic.  This is serious-and you need to know as much as possible to see if the marriage can survive it-whether or not he is gay.  The distance must hurt terribly, and if it comes from his own struggles over his sexuality, he owes you the truth so that you know its not something you did , or something you can easily fix.  This is a time for honesty and communication. Get a good counselor to help you get through this frightening and possibly sad exploration of who your husband is and what that means for your marriage. The chances that this is just a momentary interest is small- but not impossible- You will need professional guidance to find out how central this is to his emotions and your mutual lives together.
Pepper Schwartz, PhD