Aa
not interested
I've never been in a relationship, I've had plenty of offers and chances but never said yes because of fear that they don't really mean it and that round the corner their mates are daring them to do it or that they'll be horrified at my body, old school stuff that should have been left behind in school.
I don't know how to take that step, but there's another thing as well...even if did say yes I've never really liked someone in that way enough to be in a relationship any way. I lack the desire, and expect too much, and think I'm not good enough all at the same time.
is there something to be concerned about? if so what can i do? please help me.
I don't know how to take that step, but there's another thing as well...even if did say yes I've never really liked someone in that way enough to be in a relationship any way. I lack the desire, and expect too much, and think I'm not good enough all at the same time.
is there something to be concerned about? if so what can i do? please help me.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
There’s only something to be concerned about if this is a problem for you. If you’re happy with your life the way it is, then it’s not a problem is it?
There are some issues I detect from your post, and these may be affecting your sexual desire and causing you to isolate yourself. It sounds to me as though you may be suffering from clinical depression, which can severely affect your sexual feelings. We call it "depression" because, in effect, this condition depresses all joy, enthusiasm, etc. So sex is not immune.
True clinical depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain which can be greatly helped with a combination of verbal and pharmacological therapy. Be aware that some anti-depressants can also inhibit desire and orgasm, so you may need to try a combination of several before you and your therapist discover the right one for you.
One of the symptoms of depression is that you feel no joy. Does this resonate with you? If so, it's important that you seek professional help so you can get your life back. Time to experience joy again!
In addition, you have very low self-esteem, so it’s no wonder you avoid relationships. Where do these feelings come from?
I’m wondering if you think about sex at all. Do you daydream about sex with celebrities, etc.? Do you self-pleasure? Have sexy dreams? If so, that would indicate that you’re interested in sex, but you’re just not interested in sex with a partner. This would definitely be the case if you lack confidence.
On the other hand, if you DON’T think about sex ever, if it’s not a priority for you, then you may be repressing sexual feelings, or you’re just not that interested in sex. We all go through periods in our life when our sexual interests fluctuate—just like our interests in other aspects of life.
And, of course, many other factors can influence desire. Are you content with yourself and with your life? Are there any family or work crises? And how’s your physical health? There are numerous medical conditions that can also contribute to lack of desire.
Are you an anxious person? If you’re feeling anxious or unsure of yourself, your desire for sex will be affected. Or you may have conflicting feelings about being sexual, based on earlier issues in your life. Or you may actually FEEL desire, but suppress it, due to feeling conflicted. Are you aware of any other reasons you may have for avoiding sex?
The other message that many of us receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.
So, to recap: you may have negative attitudes about sex in general, or may have inhibited desire due to depression or other factors. Think about the issues I’ve raised and see if any resonate. I’m wondering what YOU think is contributing to this. You’ve probably got more insight than you realize. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
There are some issues I detect from your post, and these may be affecting your sexual desire and causing you to isolate yourself. It sounds to me as though you may be suffering from clinical depression, which can severely affect your sexual feelings. We call it "depression" because, in effect, this condition depresses all joy, enthusiasm, etc. So sex is not immune.
True clinical depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain which can be greatly helped with a combination of verbal and pharmacological therapy. Be aware that some anti-depressants can also inhibit desire and orgasm, so you may need to try a combination of several before you and your therapist discover the right one for you.
One of the symptoms of depression is that you feel no joy. Does this resonate with you? If so, it's important that you seek professional help so you can get your life back. Time to experience joy again!
In addition, you have very low self-esteem, so it’s no wonder you avoid relationships. Where do these feelings come from?
I’m wondering if you think about sex at all. Do you daydream about sex with celebrities, etc.? Do you self-pleasure? Have sexy dreams? If so, that would indicate that you’re interested in sex, but you’re just not interested in sex with a partner. This would definitely be the case if you lack confidence.
On the other hand, if you DON’T think about sex ever, if it’s not a priority for you, then you may be repressing sexual feelings, or you’re just not that interested in sex. We all go through periods in our life when our sexual interests fluctuate—just like our interests in other aspects of life.
And, of course, many other factors can influence desire. Are you content with yourself and with your life? Are there any family or work crises? And how’s your physical health? There are numerous medical conditions that can also contribute to lack of desire.
Are you an anxious person? If you’re feeling anxious or unsure of yourself, your desire for sex will be affected. Or you may have conflicting feelings about being sexual, based on earlier issues in your life. Or you may actually FEEL desire, but suppress it, due to feeling conflicted. Are you aware of any other reasons you may have for avoiding sex?
The other message that many of us receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.
So, to recap: you may have negative attitudes about sex in general, or may have inhibited desire due to depression or other factors. Think about the issues I’ve raised and see if any resonate. I’m wondering what YOU think is contributing to this. You’ve probably got more insight than you realize. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
I used to be in a similar boat for a while myself. I never thought someone would like me, especially since I found my body to be hideous with the large scars I have from surgeries. You have to really force yourself to go and take the chance. Say yes to one of the offers and go with it. It may not be perfect or anything, but you'll learn from it. My boyfriend right now is very understanding and in the beginning, to tell you the truth, I didn't really like him as much as he liked me, but now I really like him a lot. He's really great. Keep your expectations low in the beginning of the relationship, chances are the other person is probably nervous, too. You have to step outside your comfort zone because things won't change unless you make it happen.
You are reading content posted in the Sexuality & Relationships Forum
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.
