Aa
42 year old- female- w/4 boys, married 23 years, married 23 years, In love with husband unable to orgasm
I am 42 years old. I have 4 great growing boys. And I have been married to my husband for 23 years. I am still in love with him. I am still very attracted to him. We have had our ups and downs-Like all couples! But, I feel so in love with him lately (for the past year)-We have been raising 4 beautiful children, that are so wonderful- I am so proud of all of them. Anyway.. We have come a LONG way.....I have had a chronic illness since since 2003. I used to run my own biz., take care of the kids, & keep the house clean. Now, I am having a GREAT day if I can get the house cleaned up! Most days- I struggle in severe pain.....I get up take a shower...pick up my son from school...do a load of laundry and then back to bed. I can't believe my husband still loves me. I have had to undergo alot of surgery. I have been in and out of the hospital. The first couple years of my illness, My husband was mad at me, as if I got ill on purpose. (Which of course, I did not!) He was very mean to me, and he felt sorry for himself. He would yell at me. Or get mad at me if the house was not cleaned up by the time the house wasn't clean by the time he came home from work-when it was clear-there is no way I could do it-I would bleed to death if I vacuumed-for example. But, now he is very sympathetic and understanding and he sees and realizes I am very sick. And he now realizes that he doesn't want to lose me. No matter how useless I am -And I am so in love with him....My ? is do you think testosterone would help me to possible have an orgasm (I never had problems having orgasms until after I had my hysterectomy -I had that 2002- The medications I am taking also don't help either!) I am currently taking:
120 mg. Armore thyroid
75 mcg. Fentanyl
cymbalta 120 mg.
200 mg. topamax- (for pain)
climara (estrogen)
estrace (estrogen-vaginal)
Phenazopyridine plus
Vitamin D -50,000 IU 3 x wk & caltrate plus D 2x daily
120 mg. Armore thyroid
75 mcg. Fentanyl
cymbalta 120 mg.
200 mg. topamax- (for pain)
climara (estrogen)
estrace (estrogen-vaginal)
Phenazopyridine plus
Vitamin D -50,000 IU 3 x wk & caltrate plus D 2x daily
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi Amy.
After hysterectomy, many women find sexual desire and orgasm enhanced, due to the fact that they’re finally pain-free. However, for some, there are changes.
Cymbalta is a powerful anti-depressant, and one of its possible side effects is lack of desire and inhibited orgasm. It’s also not the only option. There are several other anti-depressants which don’t have such a strong effect on orgasm. Consult a psychiatrist to find out if you are a candidate to try another anti-depressant with less sexual side effects. Some patients have also used a low dose of Cymbalta in the evening and another anti-depressant, Wellbutrin, in the morning (a very successful combination for many because Wellbutrin seems to have an energizing effect for them).
The uterus contracts during orgasm. Once your uterus is removed, you won’t experience these contractions; however, vaginal and clitoral contractions during orgasm should still be the same. Most orgasmic response comes from blood congestion in the pelvis and then release after orgasm. All of the blood supply to the walls of the pelvis remains after a hysterectomy, so most women report no change in that part of the sexual response. In some women, however, much of the vascularity is in the uterus; so for them, the response may be different. That same vascularity can cause pain (from chronic congestion) or pleasure during the sexual response so you can see why women report so many different responses to hysterectomy.
It’s also possible that with all the changes to your body, you’re now not receiving the kind of stimulation you need for orgasm. Let’s review what we know about women’s orgasms.
The clitoris’ nature and structure has been misunderstood for so long that it’s not surprising that there’s so much confusion!
A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans (or head) of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm!
While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm. During p-v sex, most men use an “in-out” motion that feels great for them, instead of the circular grinding motion that will stimulate the clitoris. So how about trading off once in awhile? Him first; then you—or vice-versa?
Of course, once you put pressure on yourself to orgasm, it can become a duty rather than a pleasure. Some people become so orgasm-focused that sex becomes downright predictable, especially in long-term relationships. However, if you and your partner are flexible and experimental, you’ll both have smiles on your faces as the years go by.
Some positions which can maximize clitoral stimulation are:
• Woman on top, where you can control both the angle and depth
Woman sitting on top, where either you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris
• “Scissors”: Side-by-side facing each other, with one of his legs between yours
• Rear entry (man behind), where he can also manually stimulate your clitoris, or you can stimulate yourself.
For maximum clitoral stimulation, your partner should NOT go in and out, but rather should use a grinding motion or, if possible, just stay still, pressing firmly inside you while letting you do the moving around him.
One last important point: Lack of lubrication can irritate your delicate skin, so be sure you’re wet. There are lots of good lubes available, so check them out. You want one that has no alcohol or perfume (alcohol irritates those delicate membranes).
One final point: I note that there’s an undercurrent of lessened self-esteem in your comments. You sound as though you feel lucky that your husband still loves you. I wonder why you have these feelings of worthlessness. I think you should examine them. Remember that before someone can truly love you, you must love yourself. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
After hysterectomy, many women find sexual desire and orgasm enhanced, due to the fact that they’re finally pain-free. However, for some, there are changes.
Cymbalta is a powerful anti-depressant, and one of its possible side effects is lack of desire and inhibited orgasm. It’s also not the only option. There are several other anti-depressants which don’t have such a strong effect on orgasm. Consult a psychiatrist to find out if you are a candidate to try another anti-depressant with less sexual side effects. Some patients have also used a low dose of Cymbalta in the evening and another anti-depressant, Wellbutrin, in the morning (a very successful combination for many because Wellbutrin seems to have an energizing effect for them).
The uterus contracts during orgasm. Once your uterus is removed, you won’t experience these contractions; however, vaginal and clitoral contractions during orgasm should still be the same. Most orgasmic response comes from blood congestion in the pelvis and then release after orgasm. All of the blood supply to the walls of the pelvis remains after a hysterectomy, so most women report no change in that part of the sexual response. In some women, however, much of the vascularity is in the uterus; so for them, the response may be different. That same vascularity can cause pain (from chronic congestion) or pleasure during the sexual response so you can see why women report so many different responses to hysterectomy.
It’s also possible that with all the changes to your body, you’re now not receiving the kind of stimulation you need for orgasm. Let’s review what we know about women’s orgasms.
The clitoris’ nature and structure has been misunderstood for so long that it’s not surprising that there’s so much confusion!
A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans (or head) of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm!
While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm. During p-v sex, most men use an “in-out” motion that feels great for them, instead of the circular grinding motion that will stimulate the clitoris. So how about trading off once in awhile? Him first; then you—or vice-versa?
Of course, once you put pressure on yourself to orgasm, it can become a duty rather than a pleasure. Some people become so orgasm-focused that sex becomes downright predictable, especially in long-term relationships. However, if you and your partner are flexible and experimental, you’ll both have smiles on your faces as the years go by.
Some positions which can maximize clitoral stimulation are:
• Woman on top, where you can control both the angle and depth
Woman sitting on top, where either you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris
• “Scissors”: Side-by-side facing each other, with one of his legs between yours
• Rear entry (man behind), where he can also manually stimulate your clitoris, or you can stimulate yourself.
For maximum clitoral stimulation, your partner should NOT go in and out, but rather should use a grinding motion or, if possible, just stay still, pressing firmly inside you while letting you do the moving around him.
One last important point: Lack of lubrication can irritate your delicate skin, so be sure you’re wet. There are lots of good lubes available, so check them out. You want one that has no alcohol or perfume (alcohol irritates those delicate membranes).
One final point: I note that there’s an undercurrent of lessened self-esteem in your comments. You sound as though you feel lucky that your husband still loves you. I wonder why you have these feelings of worthlessness. I think you should examine them. Remember that before someone can truly love you, you must love yourself. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi Amy
I'm so happy for you that you're taking charge of this! You are very brave, and I hope that this new direction greatly enhances your sexuality. Be strong--and let me know how you're doing. Dr. J
I'm so happy for you that you're taking charge of this! You are very brave, and I hope that this new direction greatly enhances your sexuality. Be strong--and let me know how you're doing. Dr. J
Dear Dr. J.,
Thank You so very much for responding to my question. You have really taught me a lot. I am going to ask my Dr. about switching to another anti-depressant-with less sexual side affects. I am also going to mention the Wellbutrin/cymbalta combo also. I think that sound like that could be a good option. You have giving me a lot of valuable information that I will use. Yes, you are right ----about those feelings I have......and you are so right-you have to love yourself before...........
I have some work to do....
Thank you so very much, for all the help you've given to me!!! Sincerely, Amy
Thank You so very much for responding to my question. You have really taught me a lot. I am going to ask my Dr. about switching to another anti-depressant-with less sexual side affects. I am also going to mention the Wellbutrin/cymbalta combo also. I think that sound like that could be a good option. You have giving me a lot of valuable information that I will use. Yes, you are right ----about those feelings I have......and you are so right-you have to love yourself before...........
I have some work to do....
Thank you so very much, for all the help you've given to me!!! Sincerely, Amy
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STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
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Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
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