Aa
Girlfriend without sexual interest
Hello :)
I have a problem with my girlfriend. We have been engaged since 2007, and we never had any sexuality problems. To tell the truth, i was the one without any experience so she "had to wait" until i was ready.
Anyway, everything has been going absolutely smoothly. However, since some months ago, she suddenly started losing interest in having sex with me. When i raised the issue, she claimed it was a "bad time", and left it at that. After some time had passed i raised again the issue (in the meantime we decided to live together during academic studies), and she told me that she did feel like our relationship was like a "brother-sister" relationship, and so she was not in the "mood". I tried all my best to "fix" things and i succeed. At least, that's what she said. In any case, his "sexual appetite" did not return. She confessed me that, after all those wrong hypotesis, even she did not know "what's going wrong". Right now, she just claims that "she changed", apparently. It happens, she says.
This being said, i exclude that another man is behind this. I know her, and she would just end our relationship if she did not want my company anymore. Moreover, if we exlude our sexuality sphere, she is a perfect girlfriend.
However, i do not feel at ease about this situation. I do not particularly feel the lack of orgasms or anything like that. At least not literally. I miss all which is -behind- the sexual act. The feeling of being wanted, being loved in every way.
Despite she continues to tell me that this situation is not imputable to a behavior of mine, i cannot believe her. I tried, but i cannot think of anything else than: "this is my fault. somewhere, i'm doing something wrong."
It's not normal for a healty young girl (22) to not feel any sexual urges for a period of time so long.
At least, i think.
I hope you can help me. I really need some serious advice.
P.S. Sorry about my english. I am not a native speaker.
Thanks in advance
I have a problem with my girlfriend. We have been engaged since 2007, and we never had any sexuality problems. To tell the truth, i was the one without any experience so she "had to wait" until i was ready.
Anyway, everything has been going absolutely smoothly. However, since some months ago, she suddenly started losing interest in having sex with me. When i raised the issue, she claimed it was a "bad time", and left it at that. After some time had passed i raised again the issue (in the meantime we decided to live together during academic studies), and she told me that she did feel like our relationship was like a "brother-sister" relationship, and so she was not in the "mood". I tried all my best to "fix" things and i succeed. At least, that's what she said. In any case, his "sexual appetite" did not return. She confessed me that, after all those wrong hypotesis, even she did not know "what's going wrong". Right now, she just claims that "she changed", apparently. It happens, she says.
This being said, i exclude that another man is behind this. I know her, and she would just end our relationship if she did not want my company anymore. Moreover, if we exlude our sexuality sphere, she is a perfect girlfriend.
However, i do not feel at ease about this situation. I do not particularly feel the lack of orgasms or anything like that. At least not literally. I miss all which is -behind- the sexual act. The feeling of being wanted, being loved in every way.
Despite she continues to tell me that this situation is not imputable to a behavior of mine, i cannot believe her. I tried, but i cannot think of anything else than: "this is my fault. somewhere, i'm doing something wrong."
It's not normal for a healty young girl (22) to not feel any sexual urges for a period of time so long.
At least, i think.
I hope you can help me. I really need some serious advice.
P.S. Sorry about my english. I am not a native speaker.
Thanks in advance
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi.
I'm sorry to hear that you're in such a frustrating situation. It seems as though your girlfriend is either unwilling or unable to communicate honestly with you; hence my suggestion that the two of you seek counseling. However, you can't force her to do anything, and if you issue an ultimatum, my guess is she will either call off the relationship or try to convince herself that she can go along with you, which will end in resentment, etc.
So you must decide what's best for you. Do you want to be in a nonsexual relationship, or perhaps negotiate that you will find another sexual outlet with someone else? These are options to consider. Again, a trained therapist can help you explore these options. My best wishes. Dr. J
I'm sorry to hear that you're in such a frustrating situation. It seems as though your girlfriend is either unwilling or unable to communicate honestly with you; hence my suggestion that the two of you seek counseling. However, you can't force her to do anything, and if you issue an ultimatum, my guess is she will either call off the relationship or try to convince herself that she can go along with you, which will end in resentment, etc.
So you must decide what's best for you. Do you want to be in a nonsexual relationship, or perhaps negotiate that you will find another sexual outlet with someone else? These are options to consider. Again, a trained therapist can help you explore these options. My best wishes. Dr. J
Hi I am 29 yrs, have been in 2 relationships earlier, right now single because of my sex habits Iguess.
My ex says I am a monster in bed, I wonder now what it actually means.
Yes as a normal girl I have desires and activity.
Please help me to talk more openly here in forum.
thanks
My ex says I am a monster in bed, I wonder now what it actually means.
Yes as a normal girl I have desires and activity.
Please help me to talk more openly here in forum.
thanks
Thank you for your answer.
I would like to add that i already talked with her about this matter, of course. Many times, in fact. And as i stated before, it seems even her does not know why this "change" occurred.
She is not writing here for a simple reason: this issue does not bother her. As i said, I am the one who does not feel at ease. It seems she does not miss anything. She is fine in this situation. Honestly, i do not know if this is a problem of mine, or hers. I am the one who has a problem, apparently. Maybe it's because i'm thinking "like a man". That's another reason i'm writing here: i was wondering if, at this young age, something like this is possbile and perfectly "sane".
Of course, she knows that i do not like this situation, but there's not much she can do. She cannot force herself to do something against her will. Nor can I.
Trust me. I decided to seek help here after MANY discussions with her. We always talk with each other, about everything. It seems all i can do, at this moment, is to wait.
Anyway, i thank you again for your precious advice. I will keep it in mind.
I would like to add that i already talked with her about this matter, of course. Many times, in fact. And as i stated before, it seems even her does not know why this "change" occurred.
She is not writing here for a simple reason: this issue does not bother her. As i said, I am the one who does not feel at ease. It seems she does not miss anything. She is fine in this situation. Honestly, i do not know if this is a problem of mine, or hers. I am the one who has a problem, apparently. Maybe it's because i'm thinking "like a man". That's another reason i'm writing here: i was wondering if, at this young age, something like this is possbile and perfectly "sane".
Of course, she knows that i do not like this situation, but there's not much she can do. She cannot force herself to do something against her will. Nor can I.
Trust me. I decided to seek help here after MANY discussions with her. We always talk with each other, about everything. It seems all i can do, at this moment, is to wait.
Anyway, i thank you again for your precious advice. I will keep it in mind.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Buon giorno Rick
You're asking me to help with your partner's lack of desire, and I can't change anything for her. If this is an important issue for her, why isn't SHE writing to me?
You can't change/fix her unless she's unhappy with the situation too. Your first step is to ask her how she feels and open a dialogue in which she can be totally honest with you. Has it occurred to you that she may have some issues with your relationship as well? Perhaps she's bored, but doesn't know how to express herself or is holding back for fear of hurting your feelings (fairly common among women).
Having said that, let me also say that it's fruitless to speculate because there are a zillion reasons why peoples' sexual desire diminishes--way too many to list here. It’s not necessarily anything that you DID. It’s possible that she’s just not turned on to you. This happens. It’s also possible that she has some conflicted feelings about sex in general and is only able to relax and have sex when she’s not in love and committed to someone. This is also fairly common.
It’s time to share how you feel, and ask her for some further clarification. Sit back, relax and don't be defensive. LISTEN.
Before you even consider getting married, you need to resolve this issue. If you can’t do it alone, the two of you should consider seeing a therapist trained to help with sexual concerns. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
You're asking me to help with your partner's lack of desire, and I can't change anything for her. If this is an important issue for her, why isn't SHE writing to me?
You can't change/fix her unless she's unhappy with the situation too. Your first step is to ask her how she feels and open a dialogue in which she can be totally honest with you. Has it occurred to you that she may have some issues with your relationship as well? Perhaps she's bored, but doesn't know how to express herself or is holding back for fear of hurting your feelings (fairly common among women).
Having said that, let me also say that it's fruitless to speculate because there are a zillion reasons why peoples' sexual desire diminishes--way too many to list here. It’s not necessarily anything that you DID. It’s possible that she’s just not turned on to you. This happens. It’s also possible that she has some conflicted feelings about sex in general and is only able to relax and have sex when she’s not in love and committed to someone. This is also fairly common.
It’s time to share how you feel, and ask her for some further clarification. Sit back, relax and don't be defensive. LISTEN.
Before you even consider getting married, you need to resolve this issue. If you can’t do it alone, the two of you should consider seeing a therapist trained to help with sexual concerns. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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