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Avatar universal

Husband wont have sex with me!!

My husband and I have been together for three years. At first our sex lives were great all except he wouldn't let me give him oral sex. This lasted a few months and then slowly our sex has dwindled down to three times a month, then one time a month and now, today I was informed that I should just be thankful for what we have and not think about having sex any longer. This has tore me up inside. I feel so broken and hurt.He rarely gives me a peck on the mouth when he leaves for work and pets the dog more than he even touches me. I'm so sad. I just don't understand what's going on. He says that he has no desire to have sex anymore. I feel this is selfish of him not to want to please me at least. I'm just at my wits end.

lonely and broken
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Avatar universal
I'm sorry to say this but I'm glad you all have posted this. It makes me feel like its not just me. My husband is the same way. We have a good relationship except that I want sex 4-7 times a week and he doesn't want it at all. It was a slow tapering because at first it was daily or more and now almost 3 years later its been months. Reading this makes me more depressed because it seems that there is no hope but at least its not just me.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Wow- the first repsone is he is having sex somewhere else(and to boot you suggest he is having sex with a man).  Wow, that is simply irresponsible.  When this woman says to her man you are gay, do you know what that will do- I do because it happened to me.  I was crushed.  My wife wnated sex on her terms her terms alone and drove me away from her.  Insults and worse.  Do you really think someone want to have sex with you when you insult them?  I stuck around because I lvoe my wife and while Idecided I could not change her I would try to be better,  I would work on things I could improve, whether at her suggestion or my own.  I ask her how her day is, I try to show interest in her activiities, I try to build an emotional connection( which she say is absent about every 6 months when she has to much to drink.  Of course this turns into why I don't make that conneciton, why it is my fault we grew distant and how she is perfect)  Whe I talk to her she shuts down.  If i try to offer a story about my day something I found funny, she show utter boredom, boarding on contempt for me wating her time.  Yet I endure.  If she wants to tell me about her day, I listen and not just to feign interest, but to listen and aks questions and to see if there is anything I can do about whatever the topic is.  Yet she still wonders why it is difficult for me to have a constant erection for her.  She has gone so far as to say it is just sex-That's great, I replacable by any penis around- which by the way has happened.  
The reason I tell this tale-go ahead balme him, attack him, call him a liar, a cheater and gay.  Lets see if he wants to have sex with you more often.  Would you?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have a question but i dont have credit card so im doing this here.  In my attemps to lessen the amount of noise i make when i masturbate i began to place my thumb on the big vein. for a while it was good, but after a year or two a brown spot apperead.  it looks kinda like dry skin but its a patch on the left side.  now i cant acheive a full erection anytime and im afraid this will effect my sexual preformance with a woman. what is this and what should i do? please help and please dont delete this. oh and if it matters i am 16
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Avatar universal
Apart from the previous post, which is totally unrelated to this thread, I have found the comment very intesting.

My husbands and I have bit problems.  We have been together for 10 years and married for 5.  We have 2 kiddies (ages 4.5 and 3).  

My husband is not interested in sex much at all.  9 times out of 10 I have to initiate.  Over the years I have been rejected for reasons such as "i'm tired, I have a soccer graze, I have to get up early in the morning, I'm watching TV" etc.  

The problems have been there since mid 1999, so that's 8 years now.  All this time I keep thinking that it cannot possibly be this way, that things will improve.  But, they are not improving.

I have always tried to discuss things with my husband.  He says there are no issues and not to 'pressure him'.  I think questioning his sex drive after he has not approached me for 2 months is a valid question ..........?  The reason why 2 months passes is because I become so drained from asking, asking, asking that sometimes I think....."I'll see how long it goes if I do nothing, don't ask".

My husband travels for work.  When he goes away for 1-2 weeks - he usually gets home, says hello, i missed you, talks to me for 10minutes, then has a shower and goes to bed.  I'll be left sitting on the couch thinking ..... riiiiight.

When he travels for work, I do not miss him.  I miss the assistance with the kids, but I do not miss him as a person.  I guess, because there is nothing for me to really miss about him.

He is a great dad to the kids - quite caring and likes playing with them.

We are in counselling at the moment.  I am very open with things and have said to my husband before counselling, and to the counsellor (with my husband present) that the only things I can think of are (1) he has a low sex drive (2) he is cheating on me (3) he is gay.  The counsellor asked my husband if any ot those fit and he said no.  I have no issues with my sex dive, I find my wife sexually attractive.  The counsellor is trying to help work out what is going on here.

He cannot exploain his lack of desire.  Nor does he want to.  He simply says "we have a good sex life, my sex drive is fine".  We last had sex 7 weeks ago - initiated by me.

I feel so drained, tired and helpless.  I keep thinking that he is gay.  My mum thinks he may be.  New friends that meet him think he may be.

I do not know WHAT to do!  It doesn't help things when I have other men approaching me.  I am a size 2, natural looking and generally a nice, open person I guess.  I could never have an affair, but sometimes I wish I could!  It may give me the sexual satisfaction I am looking for ........ I can't do that though.

Prior to counselling I said to my husband that I wanted to separate.  We agreed on counselling before that happened.  My husband and I are both 33 - he is 8 months younger.

I just feel like I am being taken for a ride.  I am confused and do not want to live a celebate life.  I think that sex 10 times a year is really strange and not right.  

I am dying inside.  My husband knows ALL of this - he basically says that things are not the way that they are.  I feel as though he is in denial.

What to do??  I don't know!!
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
K4L
I have found this thread very interesting.
I have been disinterested in sex and rejected it in the past and now that i desire more than  my husband I am sure he  doesn't know how to deal with it.
I feel sad now thinking about the times I said no to him for less than legitimate reasons (eg. can't be bothered)
My desire is so high now I would be happy to do it all day. My husband tells me I am being less than realistic. Of course! He has work and I have the kids to care for.
I know I should feel lucky to get it as much as I do but i really yearn for the intimacy I get when I am with my husband. Its more than just sex. Its about feeling special and loved. This is something we wouldn't do with any one else.
I know my husband feels pressure and I feel bad for that, I try to suppress my feelings. I really want him to iniate and try and seduce me like he used to. I want him to really desire me.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My live in boy friend of one year has noooooooooooooooooo sex drive at all.  When we do have sex he climaxes so fast that I am left so unsatisfied and feel sooo empty. I try to go on as the sex episode continues but I feel as if his sexual interest fades after he climaxes. He tries to make me climax but it is starting to become mental now with me and I am fading sexually away from him. I know that talking about it with him will make him feel bad so I have not said a word.

I love this man and I feel he loves me. He is loving and sweet and all that I would want in a man. But I am a woman of 32 years and my boyfriend is 5 years younger than me. Please note that it has nothing to do with looks we are both very attractive, I have put on 30 pounds after quitting smoking. But I am in the gym trying to loss it.  I don't know how to talk about it without talking about it.  I just don't know if he is seeing someone else on the side or is it me or what?

How do I handle this, if I write him a letter would that work? If I do what do I ask him?

Love sucks...if it is not one thing it is something else!!!!
Helpful - 0

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