Aa
Love Is...
...I don't know. A recent series of events have led me to question a lot about myself. A friend of mine recently told me, "I firmly believe you can't love someone else until you can love yourself." After that, he proceeded to tell me that he thinks I don't know what love is. He's a friend, so this was not done for argument's sake.
Unfortunately, he's not the first person to tell me this. So I'm left wondering if I really have any clue what love is. Do I love myself? I think I do. Have I never really loved another person? If not, what was it that I was feeling at the times I thought I was loving another person?
I am plagued by this new realization and convinced that I am merely "damaged goods" and such is life. At this point in my life, feelings of self pity are disgusting and nauseating; I just want answers. If these are not real feelings that I "feel", then what are they and from where inside my heart or mind are they being fabricated?
I'm ill from the idea that I might not be normal after all. That I've worked so hard - come so far in life - only to find out I'm some sort of passive version of my sociopathic father. I writhe in the rumination of thoughts of past relationships; and their subsequent endings and/or consequences. Nary a union between myself and another woman has ever been appropriate, save my last short-lived relationship.
I'm certainly not depressed, that's for sure. I function perfectly on the surface, am relatively successful, but feel like I'm spinning violently out of control inside. My pockets aren't deep enough to finance therapy, so I turn to you.
Unfortunately, he's not the first person to tell me this. So I'm left wondering if I really have any clue what love is. Do I love myself? I think I do. Have I never really loved another person? If not, what was it that I was feeling at the times I thought I was loving another person?
I am plagued by this new realization and convinced that I am merely "damaged goods" and such is life. At this point in my life, feelings of self pity are disgusting and nauseating; I just want answers. If these are not real feelings that I "feel", then what are they and from where inside my heart or mind are they being fabricated?
I'm ill from the idea that I might not be normal after all. That I've worked so hard - come so far in life - only to find out I'm some sort of passive version of my sociopathic father. I writhe in the rumination of thoughts of past relationships; and their subsequent endings and/or consequences. Nary a union between myself and another woman has ever been appropriate, save my last short-lived relationship.
I'm certainly not depressed, that's for sure. I function perfectly on the surface, am relatively successful, but feel like I'm spinning violently out of control inside. My pockets aren't deep enough to finance therapy, so I turn to you.
It wasn't easy. And going through life thinking you love yourself and actually loving yourself are two different things. I took some time to myself. I stopped dating. I didn't talk to my friends but maybe once a week. I spent a lot of time alone with my thoughts. I guess it was because I had been in a long term relationship that was unhealthy and I wasn't sure why I was unhappy so I sat and thought about why I wasn't happy and told myself I deserved to be happy, no matter what. I actually started to think I was worthy of having things, including my relationships, how I wanted them. But I also realized that it couldn't be one-sided. I had to treat others the way I wanted to be treated and always be honest. I realized that when I loved myself it wasn't easy to put up with the **** people throw at me, but at the same time I could turn the other cheek. I can say no when I really don't want to do something. I believe in myself now. And when you really love someone, you are always honest, always considerate, always understanding, you do things for them that you wouldn't do for anyone else. And when you love yourself, you expect those same things from that person.
Why are you being sarcastic towards me? I said I didn't know anything. My life is not peaches n cream and I never said it was. Wow, thanks for the hostility. I was trying to let the dude know he wasn't alone in questioning seemingly important aspects of his life. But fine. You don't have to be hateful. I'm just curious as to why you're even directing anything to me. What did I say that upset you so much?
you would know. you would definatley know but since yourlife is peaches and cream....nevermind
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Well, as you know ( since I can tell from your letter that you are a highly literate and intelligent person) that I don't know enough from this letter to give you much feedback. It does sound like you do need therapy- and it might be good to sacrifice a few pennies to get some. I am not talking about deep psychoanalytic years of investment kind of therapy- just a few sessions with a good person to help you create some kind of categories of inquiry that don't leave you in angst about your entire life and emotional capacity.
I do believe everyone can love-- if they sincerely want to love. You are not a replica of your father or any one else. The mere desire to know yourself better means you are not sociopathic.. I wish I could tell you a good path for personal reflection- but your letter is really general- and rambling - and hard to pin down where the essential question lies.
You do have to " love yourself" to love another- but you probably do- at least some of the time. All this means is that if you really don't like yourself- you won't respect a person who truly loves and respects you- so it dooms the relationship-
I am sure that something is blocking your ability to love another- but there could be so many reasons I dare not hazard a guess at this point-still- I think , truly, do yourself a big favor and spend a couple of sessions with someone. It really would be worth your time and money.
I do believe everyone can love-- if they sincerely want to love. You are not a replica of your father or any one else. The mere desire to know yourself better means you are not sociopathic.. I wish I could tell you a good path for personal reflection- but your letter is really general- and rambling - and hard to pin down where the essential question lies.
You do have to " love yourself" to love another- but you probably do- at least some of the time. All this means is that if you really don't like yourself- you won't respect a person who truly loves and respects you- so it dooms the relationship-
I am sure that something is blocking your ability to love another- but there could be so many reasons I dare not hazard a guess at this point-still- I think , truly, do yourself a big favor and spend a couple of sessions with someone. It really would be worth your time and money.
Oceans, 27, as mentioned above. I have been known to dwell, but something tells me I'm not giving this whole thing more thought than needed. As mentioned above, commitment is not a problem for me with the right woman.
There's nothing wrong with not knowing what love is right now. I'm not looking for love per se, rather I'm trying to figure out if I've ever known what it really is to begin with. Has anyone ever told you "you don't know what love is."? I've been in many relationships; I've used the "L" word with those few women I felt were exceptional. I felt something for them - something I thought was love, but am now questioning.
Incidentally, I was recently broken up with by my last girlfriend. She was the one. There's no question in my mind. I certainly did not miss out on her.
This whole "love" thing is not something I think about on a regular basis. Until recently, it's never been a problem for me. Only after some very valid questions were raised to me have I really given this any thought. These are my crossroads. I am not sullen for lack of companionship; I can have any woman I want. I am not depressed from lack of something deeper, nor am I afraid of commitment. I'm trying to figure out if my emotional capacity matches that of a four year old.
There's nothing wrong with not knowing what love is right now. I'm not looking for love per se, rather I'm trying to figure out if I've ever known what it really is to begin with. Has anyone ever told you "you don't know what love is."? I've been in many relationships; I've used the "L" word with those few women I felt were exceptional. I felt something for them - something I thought was love, but am now questioning.
Incidentally, I was recently broken up with by my last girlfriend. She was the one. There's no question in my mind. I certainly did not miss out on her.
This whole "love" thing is not something I think about on a regular basis. Until recently, it's never been a problem for me. Only after some very valid questions were raised to me have I really given this any thought. These are my crossroads. I am not sullen for lack of companionship; I can have any woman I want. I am not depressed from lack of something deeper, nor am I afraid of commitment. I'm trying to figure out if my emotional capacity matches that of a four year old.
"oh..alright..i see where i stand in all this. my advice is chopped liver! lol..just kidding. you'll find your answers."
If I'm to receive individual replies, then out of respect and courtesy I feel so should those who answer me.
If I'm to receive individual replies, then out of respect and courtesy I feel so should those who answer me.
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