Aa
erection problems
I am knew to this but here goes.
I ended a stormy relationship almost ten months ago and in the end the stress of it was caussing me erection problems.
I suffer from depression and i take medication.
recently i met someone new and tried sex for the first time since my breakup it was a disaster i was so worried about gaining a erection that i lost it.
I am now scared and embaressed to try again and dont know what to do about it.
i can get a erection looking at porn so i know its not mechanical.
I am 48 years old i weigh 15stone and keep myself fit
if any one can give me advise i would be gratefull
Dave
I ended a stormy relationship almost ten months ago and in the end the stress of it was caussing me erection problems.
I suffer from depression and i take medication.
recently i met someone new and tried sex for the first time since my breakup it was a disaster i was so worried about gaining a erection that i lost it.
I am now scared and embaressed to try again and dont know what to do about it.
i can get a erection looking at porn so i know its not mechanical.
I am 48 years old i weigh 15stone and keep myself fit
if any one can give me advise i would be gratefull
Dave
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi Dave.
Your situation is complicated by the fact that you take anti-depressants, many of which can inhibit erection, orgasm or both. You might want to ask your physician if there’s another option for you which doesn’t affect your sexual physiology. Some men have found a combination of anti-depressants has less effect on sexual response. At any rate, it’s worth asking about experimenting with different medications and dosages if your sexuality is important to you.
Welcome to your 40’s! Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to let go of worrying about getting erections. Much of your problem is due to your attitude. Once you started feeling anxious and judging yourself, you created a self-fulfilling prophesy. The more you worry about erections, the more your penis won’t cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious!
Language is such a good indicator of attitude. When you say you’re ”scared and embarrassed,” that tells me that you’re judging yourself very harshly against an impossible standard and that you think erections have to be a certain way. Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. I suspect that if you tell your partner that you think the most important aspect of sex isn’t “performance,” but rather mutual pleasure, you’ll find yourself greeted with open arms and a big smile. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Your situation is complicated by the fact that you take anti-depressants, many of which can inhibit erection, orgasm or both. You might want to ask your physician if there’s another option for you which doesn’t affect your sexual physiology. Some men have found a combination of anti-depressants has less effect on sexual response. At any rate, it’s worth asking about experimenting with different medications and dosages if your sexuality is important to you.
Welcome to your 40’s! Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to let go of worrying about getting erections. Much of your problem is due to your attitude. Once you started feeling anxious and judging yourself, you created a self-fulfilling prophesy. The more you worry about erections, the more your penis won’t cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious!
Language is such a good indicator of attitude. When you say you’re ”scared and embarrassed,” that tells me that you’re judging yourself very harshly against an impossible standard and that you think erections have to be a certain way. Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. I suspect that if you tell your partner that you think the most important aspect of sex isn’t “performance,” but rather mutual pleasure, you’ll find yourself greeted with open arms and a big smile. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
A related discussion, Erection problems was started.
My fiancee had the same problem (he would kill me if he knew I was saying this, lol) and I was patient while he worked it all out. The right girl won't pass judement but be understanding about it. Nearly a year later he's doing great and the medical treatment as well as me not being pushy about really helped. I hope things work out soon!
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
You're most welcome Dave. Here's wishing you lots of love and pleasure. Dr. J
Thankyou very much for replying to my problem and your advice has helped me a lot
davr
davr
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