Aa
MedHelp.org will cease operations on May 31, 2024. It has been our pleasure to join you on your health journey for the past 30 years. For more info, click here.
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Porn-Net-Masturbation depressing me. Plz suggest solutions

I am facing quite a few problems.

I started masturbating on 27th December 2004 quite late at age 19 and ever since my life has changed for the worse. I learnt meditation at age 16.

Every time I masturbate I become more depressed and lonelier. Surfing internet porn has become a regular habit. I need porn to masturbate. I tried getting rid of it by meditation, tracking down on a piece of paper, staying away from girls completely, not to see stimulating stuff but nothing helps. My will power has taken a terrific beating. Allb my to-do-lists remain incomplete these days. The very fact of doing ten jobs in a day makes me nervous and panicky. Simple things like waking up, getting ready, going to work, etc. look tedious and stressful. My head always feels clouded, my thoughts are blurred too. Sometimes the head pains too, if I try to avoid masturbating for a few days. At max I have been able to go without masturbation for 25 days and that was in 2006. In the last one year, I have failed to go past seven days. I feel like tearing my hair apart. Too many dry days (without masturbation) and I get attracted to any girl walking down the road, and makes me fear I will do something wrong with her. Also, if no. of dry days increase, the workload feels like a mountain and the stress levels shoot up. In frustration I start listening to loud hard rock music.

This weakness is causing so much trouble in my life. I failed my CA Inter exam mainly because of this trouble. Instead of chipping away at my problems I choose the alternative path of drowning my sorrows in the wine of orgasmic happiness. I used to be quite social before but now I keep my mobile switched off all day, I change email ids every year, my friends have stopped mailing me too mainly because I dont reply. My studies have gone for a toss. Nothing makes me smile or cry.

The sight of burning two dead bodies in the family in the past three years also has made me more emotionless. The fact death might arrive anytime always lurks in my head making me stressed out at times.

The fear of doing wrong, of being rebuked by society, of personal guilt - no more works. Putting the image of Buddha and other Gods in my net-surfing room also does not deter me from doing shameful acts like visiting porn and masturbating. However, once the orgasm ends, the guilt is so overwhelming that I destroy everything - all pictures, videos, media player program files, even internet connection sometimes. Once, I stripped off all wires from the sockets and destroyed the TV and internet connections. However, my brother and mom were really angry with me. My bro is addicted to porn and masturbation too. But he even refuses to acknowledge the problem. Hence, removing internet and TV from home is no more an option and staying alone is also not working. If alone, after 5-6 days, I try out stupid things like bringing porn CDs home or surfing at cyber cafes.

I have visited Mormon websites, tried out their techniques, read religious books like Tipitakas, visited local church too, but, alas, nothing works. In fact, today was a very bad day. I masturbated thrice to porn and today my mom caught me too in the act. I cannot suffer this shame any longer.

None of my friends really acknowledge that masturbation is a problem. Nor my family members too. I remember my dad bringing women's mags home.

I have never smoked or drank hard drinks but somehow the triple combo addictions of internet-porn-masturbation refuses to go. In fact not a week passes when I dont surf internet. Even passing a day without internet is so damn tough.

I am suffering from some other health problems too - negative 4.5 vision, chipped teeth, allergies to dust, almost year round cold tendency which gets worse in winter, breathing trouble twice a year during Diwali(crackers bursting days) and during winter(thankfully this has reduced considerably during the past 3 years).

I have gone through four relationship breaks in the past 5 years. All relationships started because of my desperation to have a girlfriend, three of them over internet and two of them lasted 2-3 years and ended over internet. In one relationship my personal guilt made me make an offer of brother-sister relationship to a girl who accepted. And the last one was with a lady 13 years older than me whom I met physically. However, in none of the relationships any physical contact was involved not even kissing despite all my desperation.

The extreme paths are not working, not even the middle path. I have lost all faith on doctors. Hence, unless the complication is acute and makes me catch the bed, I never go to a doctor even if fever or tiredness grips me.

I have a big ego too which refuses to go. I want to control everything from myself to everything around me. I like to do things differently, I perceive each human being as a competitor now or as a potential harmful agent to my interests. I fail to acknowledge the good side of life. Words of praise never come out easily face to face, however, while returning I do it easily. Even the way I speak has become robotic in nature. I speak in a single tone. I cannot laugh to my satisfaction, I cannot vent my anger to my desire, I cannot cry too when required, I keep my opinions to myself, not communicating to anyone for fear of it being shot down. I can never fight back.

I dream myself to be someone big, something extra-ordinary but turn out to be nothing at the end of the day. Neither am I able to inspire others nor am I able to inspire myself.

The feeling of self-worthlessness makes me feel like committing suicide too but this appears tough too.

Please suggest a few solutions to get out of this mess. Be it anything that comes to your mind. I just want to get rid of this junk in my life.
5 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
523042 tn?1212177895
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hello.

Your problem isn’t self-pleasuring—which isn’t, in and of itself harmful—it’s that you’re using it to avoid relationships. And, as you note, even more importantly is your sense of yourself. You haven’t been happy or fulfilled in relationships, so of course you turn to comfort on the Internet, etc. Orgasms feel good, and they provide comfort—much like any other activity—cricket, movies, shopping, etc. These acts aren’t harmful, but when we depend on them to give meaning to your lives, it’s a signal that something is lacking. And please don’t let people convince you that you have some “addiction.” This is the latest fad that is not supported by any data, and can contribute to people becoming dependent on yet another process. You’re not addicted; you’ve merely found something that eases your pain.

You say you’ve lost faith in doctors, so what can I tell you? If I were feeling as you do, the first thing I’d do is find a trained professional with whom I could talk honestly and openly--someone who wouldn’t judge me, but would be supportive of my journey of self-growth. Find a counselor who can help you out of this hole you’ve dug. My best wishes to you. Dr. J
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Hi Jag, I found a forum group that would be a lot better for you, and folks there are in the process of recovery from different addictions. Usually folks will have more then one addiction - like internet/drinking, or and addiction with smoking just to give you an idea.

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Addiction/wwwboard.html
Helpful - 1
585414 tn?1288941302
I'd worry less about porn than the feelings of guilty, self hatred and addiction that go along with it because its not a given. There are some things that are so destructive (drugs, etc.) that they must not be done. For some people that are adults that kind of material is part of their lives. For others it becomes an obsession but the same is true of many other addictions that are otherwise normal activities (compulsive spending, etc.). It may be masking real fears or problems. I would speak to a talk therapist and a psychiatrist and see what they tell you. If you feel you are addicted to the internet buy a filter for your computer and attend an internet addiction recovery group but what you are doing is consenting adult so its the addiction problem and not the activity itself.
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
I agree with te Dr here.  You are l;etting your emotions getting the best of you.  I feel you need to take control of yourself starting with self esteem.  Stop putting yourself down and instead give yourself a pat on the back and say I am OK.  Try getting yourself a professional who can sit down with you and go over your history and start treating you for some of the issue you are having.  No one can help you, except you yourself.  You have to want to the help is the first step.  Each day, take "slow" deep breaths breath in breath breath out.  You're going to make yourself sick over this.  Life is too short.  You can do this.  I too have been through some counceling and have come a long way.  I used to be an anti-social person for the fear of rejection.  But the fact remains of you being so wrried of masterbating too much.  If it makes you feel good then let it go.  That is the best advice I can give ya.  You have to make the decision to get better.

Your friend,

Craig
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi I feel as if I have no problems today.

Thank you everyone. Actually I wrote all that because of an after effect of over-masturbation and loneliness.

The thought of the problems is my problem. As long as body exists some sort of suffering will remain attached.

I just have to shrug it and move ahead. It is a life long battle. Satan makes me do all this. Satan rules over Earth. Satan is powerful. I was born because of my sins. My weaknesses are a result of my sins. I will die with some sins. Minimising it is important nevertheless. Confessing is important.

I write like Obama. So if Obama can get rid of addiction, definitely I can.

Jai Ho,
Enjoy urself,
Jagz

Helpful - 0

You are reading content posted in the Sexuality & Relationships Forum

Popular Resources
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.