What do you think I should do?

[brokenheart_]

So things haven’t been great between me and my wife for a while. My mother in law moved in to help me out with the kids. She is great, reminds me of my wife just more mature. I have been having lots of fantasies about her lately. For about a week now I have been going thru her dirty clothes and masturbating with her panties. When I laid down last night for bed I pulled the sheet back to find a pair on my pillow. This morning she walked in on me rubbing one off, she just said looks like fun than turned around and left the room. I don’t know what I should do. I want her so bad, but I’m married to her daughter. I wish I knew what she wanted…just sex or more.

[brokenheart_]

yes, I have a councilor, and we go too, but...

[dominosarah]

I know this has to be so tough right now.  Many times when we go thru something like you have we do tend to be sexually promiscuis  (pardon the spelling)  We are so down on ourselves and then someone comes along and pays attention to us, before to long we find ourselves in bed with them.  It makes us feel good for that moment and it makes us feel like we are okay.  Have you talked to anyone about this like a therapist?  You are feeling so much pain.

[brokenheart_]

I don't know what I'm doing. Kinda hate my situation on so many levels. I know I want out of my marriage but the kids have been thru a lot and I don't want them to go thru a custody thing right now. I think my wife will self destruct any time now.

[dominosarah]

Yes i do remember you are doing that and that is very commendable.  Do you feel like you are getting even with your wife?

[brokenheart_]

remember I'm the guy who is raising some other guys baby because my wife decided to sleep with some other guy. I took her back than found out they have been talking again. sorry, wasn't asking for judgment, just advice.... My MIL has watched her daughter treat me like a peice of trash for years.

[dominosarah]

You are having sex with your MIL and she wants to know how her daughter is in bed?   You say you are a little worried your wife will find out...I hope she does, she doesnt deserve this.  This really is the utmost betrayal on both your parts.  I hope you both get the help you so need.       sara

[brokenheart_]

wish I would have check in earlier. So we have had sex like five times. She sayes stuff like does she do it like this and does she do that ... It was sooo hot. I don't really know what to do now. She said it is between us but I am a little worried my wife will find out.

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hello

There are several issues here:

1. Your mother-in-law may have boundary issues. Think about it: why would she act seductive or indicate she might be sexually available to you when you’re married to her daughter? Does this sound like an appropriate attitude? Something smells funny here.

2. Your relationship with your wife: The two of you are in trouble. I know it’s tempting to distract yourself from the problems, but fantasizing about your mother-in-law is potentially dangerous and can only end in disaster. Do you seriously think your wife won’t find out? And do you seriously think having sex with her mother will help your marriage?

The most effective things you two can do right now are: 1) see a counselor to resolve your relationship issues and 2) find someone besides your mother-in-law to help with the kids. If your relationship problems are mostly sexual, then see someone who is trained to help couples with sexual issues. If the problem is more general, then see someone who specializes in general couples therapy. If you want a referral, send me a message with your location, and I’d be happy to help. Best of luck to you. Dr. J