Aa
Would like some advice to get sexual feelings back
My husband and I have not had sex in like eight months. I just got out of the hospital two months ago and am just starting to feel a bit better. I lost my sex drive from paxil an anitdepressant. What can I take or do to get my sex drive back and get back in the sac with my hubby? Im 53 young looking and need to give my hubby sex. Can someone help me out here please? Oh and I am not suppose to drink any achohol anymore, thats how i have always got in the mood, now what?
taybey
taybey
Men do lose their desire. My husband sure did! He doesn't want it at all.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
So you're not currently on Paxil? I misunderstood your first post. In it, you state that you've been told you can't drink alcohol. I assumed it was because of drug interaction. If not, then who told you this and why?
And why do you say "no way" to seeing a therapist? Am wondering what your resistance is all about.
And if you're not as attracted to your husband as before, there could be many reasons--many of which I've already mentioned. It's your job to figure this out, and I've suggested one step is for you to open communication with him. You'd be amazed at what the two of you can learn together. Dr. J
And why do you say "no way" to seeing a therapist? Am wondering what your resistance is all about.
And if you're not as attracted to your husband as before, there could be many reasons--many of which I've already mentioned. It's your job to figure this out, and I've suggested one step is for you to open communication with him. You'd be amazed at what the two of you can learn together. Dr. J
Thank you for your replies but im not seeing a phychitrist. No way. I think its probably just age thats doing it not to mention the paxil i was on for two years. I also am not as sexually attracted to my husband as i once was and the fact i cannot drink achohol is making it even tougher that at least got me in the mood for a bit. Why is it men never loose their desire for sex? It really ***** for us women.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
If only there WERE such a thing as a sex drive, it would be easy: just flip a switch, put it in gear, and drive away. The fact is that there’s actually no such thing. I think you’re talking about two phenomena: sexual interest and sexual desire.
Health issues can definitely affect your desire, as can anti-depressants. Some people who have taken Paxil report a period of 6 months with low desire before their sexual interest and desire return. Paxil is a powerful drug, and it takes awhile for your body to get used to it. It’s also not the only option. There are several other anti-depressants which don’t have such a strong effect on desire. Ask your psychiatrist if you might not try one—or else a combination of Paxil in the evening and Wellbutrin in the morning (a very successful combination for many because Wellbutrin seems to have an energizing effect for them).
If you enjoy some wine before sex because it relaxes you, why not ask your physician if a small glass is safe for you? All anti-depressants carry a warning about not mixing with alcohol because alcohol can intensify the effects of the pills. However, I know many depressed people who enjoy moderate amounts of alcohol with no ill effects. Don’t take my word for it, though, because I don’t have information about your unique body chemistry. Only your physician can counsel you about that, so do ask.
In the meantime, you can certainly begin doing things that stimulate you sexually, How about exploring books and/or explicit images that might turn you on? Perhaps you haven’t come across anything that turns you on at this point in your life. That’s understandable. We often go through periods where our desires may take a break.
And, of course, many other factors can influence desire. You might also examine what else has been happening in your life that may have affected you. Are you content with yourself, with your life, with your relationships? I note that you say you “need to give” your husband sex. Do you feel like it’s your JOB? If so, that can cause resentment. Are you feeling pressured? Again, this can cause problems. It’s fruitless for me to speculate because there are a zillion reasons why your sexual desire might diminish—way too many to list here. You need to take an inventory of yourself and your life situation because only you know the answer.
You’ll also need to talk with your husband. The most helpful attitude is “what can we do TOGETHER to make this work for both of us?” This process involves problem-solving as a team. If you put your heads together, you might be able to work out a creative solution. If your sexual energy is low, how about asking to hold and stroke him while he self-pleasures? This can be a good beginning to rebuilding your sex life together. If this isn’t an option you care to pursue, are there other things the two of you can do that will bring you together? Think of this as a fun way to get to know each other better, and it won’t seem so daunting.
Remember not to put pressure on yourself. I’m wondering what YOU think is contributing to this. You’ve probably got more insight than you realize. Good luck to you. Dr. J
Health issues can definitely affect your desire, as can anti-depressants. Some people who have taken Paxil report a period of 6 months with low desire before their sexual interest and desire return. Paxil is a powerful drug, and it takes awhile for your body to get used to it. It’s also not the only option. There are several other anti-depressants which don’t have such a strong effect on desire. Ask your psychiatrist if you might not try one—or else a combination of Paxil in the evening and Wellbutrin in the morning (a very successful combination for many because Wellbutrin seems to have an energizing effect for them).
If you enjoy some wine before sex because it relaxes you, why not ask your physician if a small glass is safe for you? All anti-depressants carry a warning about not mixing with alcohol because alcohol can intensify the effects of the pills. However, I know many depressed people who enjoy moderate amounts of alcohol with no ill effects. Don’t take my word for it, though, because I don’t have information about your unique body chemistry. Only your physician can counsel you about that, so do ask.
In the meantime, you can certainly begin doing things that stimulate you sexually, How about exploring books and/or explicit images that might turn you on? Perhaps you haven’t come across anything that turns you on at this point in your life. That’s understandable. We often go through periods where our desires may take a break.
And, of course, many other factors can influence desire. You might also examine what else has been happening in your life that may have affected you. Are you content with yourself, with your life, with your relationships? I note that you say you “need to give” your husband sex. Do you feel like it’s your JOB? If so, that can cause resentment. Are you feeling pressured? Again, this can cause problems. It’s fruitless for me to speculate because there are a zillion reasons why your sexual desire might diminish—way too many to list here. You need to take an inventory of yourself and your life situation because only you know the answer.
You’ll also need to talk with your husband. The most helpful attitude is “what can we do TOGETHER to make this work for both of us?” This process involves problem-solving as a team. If you put your heads together, you might be able to work out a creative solution. If your sexual energy is low, how about asking to hold and stroke him while he self-pleasures? This can be a good beginning to rebuilding your sex life together. If this isn’t an option you care to pursue, are there other things the two of you can do that will bring you together? Think of this as a fun way to get to know each other better, and it won’t seem so daunting.
Remember not to put pressure on yourself. I’m wondering what YOU think is contributing to this. You’ve probably got more insight than you realize. Good luck to you. Dr. J
Have you talked to a psychiatrist about trying an antidepressant that has fewer sexual side effects? Here is a link to a Mayo Clinic article:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/antidepressants/AN01739
It suggests Paxil is one of the worst for sexual side effects.
It says these are less likely to cause that problem:
~~~~~~
Bupropion (Wellbutrin), a norepinephrine and dopamine reuptake inhibitor (NDRI)
Nefazodone, a combined reuptake inhibitor and receptor blocker
Mirtazapine (Remeron), a tetracyclic antidepressant
Duloxetine (Cymbalta), a serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI)
~~~~~
I wasn't impressed with Cymbalta, but everybody's different. My psychiatrist is talking about trying mirtazapine (Remeron) or bupropion (Wellbutrin) for me. I'm nervous because getting off Prozac, Effexor, and Cymbalta when I felt completely apathetic on them was no fun. Do ask if you are allowed to have occasional alcohol with any of these. What my MD was saying was that he wasn't concerned about 1-2 drinks if I was only drinking once or twice a month, while a drinking frequently would cause some antidepressants to stop working completely.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/antidepressants/AN01739
It suggests Paxil is one of the worst for sexual side effects.
It says these are less likely to cause that problem:
~~~~~~
Bupropion (Wellbutrin), a norepinephrine and dopamine reuptake inhibitor (NDRI)
Nefazodone, a combined reuptake inhibitor and receptor blocker
Mirtazapine (Remeron), a tetracyclic antidepressant
Duloxetine (Cymbalta), a serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI)
~~~~~
I wasn't impressed with Cymbalta, but everybody's different. My psychiatrist is talking about trying mirtazapine (Remeron) or bupropion (Wellbutrin) for me. I'm nervous because getting off Prozac, Effexor, and Cymbalta when I felt completely apathetic on them was no fun. Do ask if you are allowed to have occasional alcohol with any of these. What my MD was saying was that he wasn't concerned about 1-2 drinks if I was only drinking once or twice a month, while a drinking frequently would cause some antidepressants to stop working completely.
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