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hubby doesnt like oral sex
please someone try to help me. my husband doesnt like oral sex. initially i couldnt believe it. he not only doesnt like giving it he hates getting blow jobs.(hes a guy!!) after awhile in our two yr marriage,after talkin about it many times n gettin no answers from him .we finally had some really big fights n i insisted on the reasons. his reasons are he cant put his face and tongue where i take a **** from its too sick for him. same goes for why he doesnt wana get it from me . he says it just seems extremely unhygenic to him and secondly im his wife and he says he doesnt like seeing me sucking on him .he things its a degrading act and it makes him think how disgusting it is, how unattractive i look with his penis in my mouth, how disrespectful an act it is . it looks like something prostitutes n whores do.
i love oral sex , giving and getting. wat should i do?
i love oral sex , giving and getting. wat should i do?
I would do a Hail Mary to the heavens if my DH ever asked me not to give him a bj. Is your DH okay with intercourse? If he likes that, why not experiment with different positions? Another thing to think about, maybe he is telling you he doesn't like to give or get oral sex, because he doesn't feel he is any good at it. That can be a huge blow (pun intended- couldn't resist) to a man's ego. Good luck to you.
First I want to start off by saying I'm glad you found some one who you can relate to and talk to (Mary). she seems smart and very wise.
I do want to give you my point of view. I am a female who does not enjoy getting or recieving oral. I know alot of people think differently on this point. My husband enjoys it, so I do do it but not often for him. The reason I don't like it is the same as your husbands. I have to think of other things so I don't gag. And when I think of recieving it I can't help but think of what goes on down there. From our times of the month to infections and discharge. I am a clean person and would never even think of recieving oral if any of that was occuring at the time but I just can't get pass that vision. It grosses me out. But I do enjoy just about anything else, and I will do it for my husband sometimes. I guess it isn't as big of an issue for us because i will do it. But i do see where your husbands comming from.
I also agree sex is a big deal in a relationship, but if that is the only problem you are having count your blessings. I'm not saying you should ignore it because if it is important to you then it should be important to him. i'm saying if it was me and that was the only problem i was having then i would find something that i like equal, and do more of it. You also have to respect his feelings. Is there one thing you hate to do? Mat it be in bed or whatever. How would you feel if you felt forced to do it? I hope everything works out great for you.
I do want to give you my point of view. I am a female who does not enjoy getting or recieving oral. I know alot of people think differently on this point. My husband enjoys it, so I do do it but not often for him. The reason I don't like it is the same as your husbands. I have to think of other things so I don't gag. And when I think of recieving it I can't help but think of what goes on down there. From our times of the month to infections and discharge. I am a clean person and would never even think of recieving oral if any of that was occuring at the time but I just can't get pass that vision. It grosses me out. But I do enjoy just about anything else, and I will do it for my husband sometimes. I guess it isn't as big of an issue for us because i will do it. But i do see where your husbands comming from.
I also agree sex is a big deal in a relationship, but if that is the only problem you are having count your blessings. I'm not saying you should ignore it because if it is important to you then it should be important to him. i'm saying if it was me and that was the only problem i was having then i would find something that i like equal, and do more of it. You also have to respect his feelings. Is there one thing you hate to do? Mat it be in bed or whatever. How would you feel if you felt forced to do it? I hope everything works out great for you.
Hi Jessica,
Glad you found that helpful. Yeah, mocking is not okay. I am constantly amazed at how you can difuse a situation by just acknowledging the other person's comment. Now, I suppose you could say something like, "I don't recall asking your opinion on the matter!" or "When I want your opinion, I'll ask for it." And, yet, those words even though true and honest might get you a reaction that puts you back on the defensive. I suppose if you said it gently enough in a very calm manner, you could say, "Well, Honey, in this situation, I am not interested in what others think about me going in for therapy."
It (seeing a therapist) actually says that you are very proactive, you are trying to sort out your feelings and emotions and that you, if anything, are probably trying to strengthen the marriage. You may be able to point that out, but I am not sure he will be in a position to "hear" them, you know? And, it is probably threatening to him, too. Don't let that stop you! This is about YOU, really...not him.
Try not to get on his level of emotion if he starts to escalate. He might be trying to get you to "join in" on his emotional level. Not saying this is easy to do! But, just using a calm voice, although potentially irritating to the other, is a good technique that might calm down your spouse. Having said that, I will say again that if he calls you names, you need to firmly and clearly tell him to "Stop." Enough said.
I'll drop in now and then. I hope you are starting to feel better. This stuff is tough, I know.
And, remember, too, Jessica, that if you do eventually decide to leave the marriage for whatever reason, you can look back without regret knowing that you did what you could to try to heal the marriage. But, be sure to keep yourself healed above all else...You deserve to be honored and loved, especially by yourself!
On the lighter side, I'm starting to sound like a self-help book :) Maybe that's okay. My next calling!!!
Take care, Mary
Glad you found that helpful. Yeah, mocking is not okay. I am constantly amazed at how you can difuse a situation by just acknowledging the other person's comment. Now, I suppose you could say something like, "I don't recall asking your opinion on the matter!" or "When I want your opinion, I'll ask for it." And, yet, those words even though true and honest might get you a reaction that puts you back on the defensive. I suppose if you said it gently enough in a very calm manner, you could say, "Well, Honey, in this situation, I am not interested in what others think about me going in for therapy."
It (seeing a therapist) actually says that you are very proactive, you are trying to sort out your feelings and emotions and that you, if anything, are probably trying to strengthen the marriage. You may be able to point that out, but I am not sure he will be in a position to "hear" them, you know? And, it is probably threatening to him, too. Don't let that stop you! This is about YOU, really...not him.
Try not to get on his level of emotion if he starts to escalate. He might be trying to get you to "join in" on his emotional level. Not saying this is easy to do! But, just using a calm voice, although potentially irritating to the other, is a good technique that might calm down your spouse. Having said that, I will say again that if he calls you names, you need to firmly and clearly tell him to "Stop." Enough said.
I'll drop in now and then. I hope you are starting to feel better. This stuff is tough, I know.
And, remember, too, Jessica, that if you do eventually decide to leave the marriage for whatever reason, you can look back without regret knowing that you did what you could to try to heal the marriage. But, be sure to keep yourself healed above all else...You deserve to be honored and loved, especially by yourself!
On the lighter side, I'm starting to sound like a self-help book :) Maybe that's okay. My next calling!!!
Take care, Mary
Jessica,
Hi...Sorry I did not get back to you as promised...I have been overly tired and also suffering from some horrible leg pains which we think are caused by some newly formed varicose veins. Having an ultrasound next week. I work hard to stay very healthy, so I am not too happy about this latest development. I have read that varicose veins can be another fallout from having had a hysterectomy...and I have had to manage a lot of symptoms since the surgery six years ago...so, this might be one more thing. Yuk. Oh well...
Also, after writing the post to you it made me do some (more) deep thinking. My husband and I had an argument last night and I couldn't shake the words (from my post to you) out of my mind as I was thinking over my situation/marriage. I did not reference it of course, or issues over the sex thing, while we were arguing, but it made everything seem sadder. I do often wonder why I am staying in the relationship. Our only child is 21. But, my life is here, my job is here, my dogs are here:) and truely, I like the guy. But, I am going to have to continue to address the sadness and the problems in the marriage if I am going to continue in peace. Or, I just have to accept the life I have. Not having that physical connection zaps the life out of me. Thank God I have the two snuggly and sweet dogs, but, well, I am not "married" to them, you know!
Just doing a lot of thinking lately, as I am sure you have.
I just wanted to say that if/when your spouse gets wind of the fact that you are going to counseling (making an assumption here, but as I said, it is a gooood idea) just know that if he starts to put the idea down, or criticize you in any way...just let him know that this topic is not open to discussion...well, it may be open to discussion, but not ridicule. He cannot control whether or not you go to counseling.
I work with kids in a mental health setting, and one of the things we do is this...if one of the kids makes a comment that is kind of random, perhaps a bit derrogatory (I mean, it all depends...they MIGHT get a "time-out") but in general, we do something like this..."Oh. Uh huh."
I can see you talking to your spouse. Let's say he says, "that's stupid that you are going to counseling. Counseling is stupid." You say, "I hear You are expressing your frustration about my going to therapy." ..."What shall we have for dinner?"
It is a marriage, but it is also your life.
I would also just flat out tell him the next time he mentions the interests you have re: sexuality and refers to you as a prostitute that he MAY NOT call you names. Period. Civility is the key. He may not ever change his mind about this topic, but you can change your reaction to him and that can often produce change. That is where therapy is very helpful, amoung other reasons.
Well, I am off to bed. I will check in tomorrow...
Goodnight.
Hi...Sorry I did not get back to you as promised...I have been overly tired and also suffering from some horrible leg pains which we think are caused by some newly formed varicose veins. Having an ultrasound next week. I work hard to stay very healthy, so I am not too happy about this latest development. I have read that varicose veins can be another fallout from having had a hysterectomy...and I have had to manage a lot of symptoms since the surgery six years ago...so, this might be one more thing. Yuk. Oh well...
Also, after writing the post to you it made me do some (more) deep thinking. My husband and I had an argument last night and I couldn't shake the words (from my post to you) out of my mind as I was thinking over my situation/marriage. I did not reference it of course, or issues over the sex thing, while we were arguing, but it made everything seem sadder. I do often wonder why I am staying in the relationship. Our only child is 21. But, my life is here, my job is here, my dogs are here:) and truely, I like the guy. But, I am going to have to continue to address the sadness and the problems in the marriage if I am going to continue in peace. Or, I just have to accept the life I have. Not having that physical connection zaps the life out of me. Thank God I have the two snuggly and sweet dogs, but, well, I am not "married" to them, you know!
Just doing a lot of thinking lately, as I am sure you have.
I just wanted to say that if/when your spouse gets wind of the fact that you are going to counseling (making an assumption here, but as I said, it is a gooood idea) just know that if he starts to put the idea down, or criticize you in any way...just let him know that this topic is not open to discussion...well, it may be open to discussion, but not ridicule. He cannot control whether or not you go to counseling.
I work with kids in a mental health setting, and one of the things we do is this...if one of the kids makes a comment that is kind of random, perhaps a bit derrogatory (I mean, it all depends...they MIGHT get a "time-out") but in general, we do something like this..."Oh. Uh huh."
I can see you talking to your spouse. Let's say he says, "that's stupid that you are going to counseling. Counseling is stupid." You say, "I hear You are expressing your frustration about my going to therapy." ..."What shall we have for dinner?"
It is a marriage, but it is also your life.
I would also just flat out tell him the next time he mentions the interests you have re: sexuality and refers to you as a prostitute that he MAY NOT call you names. Period. Civility is the key. He may not ever change his mind about this topic, but you can change your reaction to him and that can often produce change. That is where therapy is very helpful, amoung other reasons.
Well, I am off to bed. I will check in tomorrow...
Goodnight.
hi mary ,
sorry to hear abour ure legs , i hope u feel better and i really hope that when u meet the doctor its nothing too serious or bad.varicose veins doesnt sound too great and i can understand ure anxiety over it but u sound like a strong person and i hope u can make the best of it like u r of everything else.
mary it sounds nice that u r happy with ure dogs and u have a joba kid a life of ure own but i can feel how there might be that emptiness due to this sexual aspect of ure life. its a very important part of our lives but like we all know we have to choose our battles , we could leave and choose not to be with our husbands or be here for the bigger picture and do wat we can to make things work.
i appreciate ure giving me very sensible advise on how to deal with my husband if he tries to mock my going to counselling which i know he will and i know i will have to deal with it and ure words have helped thanx.
sorry to hear abour ure legs , i hope u feel better and i really hope that when u meet the doctor its nothing too serious or bad.varicose veins doesnt sound too great and i can understand ure anxiety over it but u sound like a strong person and i hope u can make the best of it like u r of everything else.
mary it sounds nice that u r happy with ure dogs and u have a joba kid a life of ure own but i can feel how there might be that emptiness due to this sexual aspect of ure life. its a very important part of our lives but like we all know we have to choose our battles , we could leave and choose not to be with our husbands or be here for the bigger picture and do wat we can to make things work.
i appreciate ure giving me very sensible advise on how to deal with my husband if he tries to mock my going to counselling which i know he will and i know i will have to deal with it and ure words have helped thanx.
mary looking forward to hearing from u
and hirth thank u for ure support i appreciate it
and hirth thank u for ure support i appreciate it
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Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.
