Year and a half relationship ending

[Lauzie18]

I am an 18 year old girl, graduating highschool this June and have been in a relationship with a boy in my grade since my junior year. We are in love and I am deeply upset about the ongoing indecisiveness of how he feels about me. We stArted off amazingly, as most relationships do, and for the past 5 months he has grappled with the idea of being alone. He is amazing, so sweet and Taught me alot during our time together. He is the first guy who has ever loved and respected me and my body. We do argue regularly though, and for me this is because I am from a family who fights. His background is very much so ideal, and he is not an argumentative person. He says he had lost his feelings for me and wants to be single in college but wants to remain friends. My inital reaction is to get angry because I cannot see my life without him: I fear he will find someone better and icannot be around when he finds her. Is this all my fault for being a naggy brat? How can I find someone as sweet, responsible and talented as him? But most importantly how do I never see or deal with not seeing my best friend everyday?

[JulissaB]

Love the comments above. If you can find a way to take everything in and apply these things to your life, you'll do great trying to get over the situation. What I'd like to add on is: I'm pretty sure that after his change, you've probably become clingy and overly emotional. It is very important that you understand that being that way towards a person can end up pushing them away even more. If you show too much interest and he realizes that you have revolved your world around him he will eventually take you for granted (as he already did) It is extremely hard to accept the transition from a committed relationship to single life but once you do that, happiness and a life of less worries is what you'll end up with. You can also look at it this way, you were doing good before he came into your life, and you'll do even better after because you have gained a very valuable life experience and have become wiser in the process. Feel better soon and don't ever think that someone better may come along and replace you because everyone is special in their own way. We all have qualities and flaws and please TRUST ME life goes on ;) Good luck!

PS: Try your best to not call him or show him how hurt you truly are. If possible don't even give him signs that you're alive. Give him a chance to miss you. You never know if that'll result in what you want or if it will help you get over him even sooner. You'll get used to it. Be Strong!! :)

[mmarieh]

Listen, first of all...and this may be hard to understand and occomplish...you NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. As corney as this may seem, if you feel like you have to be with someone to be happy, then you need to hit the ground running, and not look back untill you are happy with who you are and where your life is headed.
Secondly, as the doctor said, he has made up his mind and you will be miserable trying to change it. Accept his invitation to be friends, but if it becomes to hard or to much of a burden, do yourself a favor and cut him loose.
Thirdly, if you do remain friends look at this as a good thing.. he can still be your friend and the two of you can still rely on each other when starting college in the fall but in the mean time fill your life with fun and interesting activities. Use the summer to explore new things, and spend as much time as you can with friends and family, just having fun. The fall will come before you know it, and when school starts you will have a whole new environment and group of people to meet and learn from that will distract you.
And hey you never know, maybe being friends will give him the chance to get being single out of his system and you guys can have to relationship you've always wanted.
But MOST importnantly, the thing that stands out the most to me is that you are concerned with him finding someone "better" then you. This is astounding that you would say that. Sure, you have your flaws, has we all do, including him. But if he can't accept you for who you are then he's nothing more then a waste of your time. But if YOU can't accpet you for who you are, this is an even bigger problem. Do a little research, maybe a little reading, I know some great book that could help you. "Your not that into him either" And "Madly in love with ME!" You need to spend this time focusing on you. Get to know you, enjoy yourself, and work out your own problems in your own head. When the right guy comes along you will be so happy and healthy and ready it will take him breath away.

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

I'm so sorry for you. As an 18-year-old, this is probably your first experience with rejection; however, now that you're an adult, you'll need to realize that this will probably happen more than once. Relationships change; some end before one person is ready. This is life.

The usual process is grief, anger, and finally, acceptance. He wants to move on. You need to accept that. You can't change it, and you'll only make yourself miserable trying.

So you need to move on too. I know it will hurt for awhile. It helps to distract yourself and find new activities and people. Stay interested in life without him, and you'll eventually find new meanings and interesting people. If you find you want to talk with someone about this, check with your college counseling center. They have counselors who are trained to help with this very situation. Best of luck to you. Dr. J