Aa
painful sex
whenever i n my husband have sex,we begin really nice but towards the end he gets rough n thrusts really hard n deep which is very painful..n when i tell him so he doesnt care much n continues till he is done.Besides this, he wants to have sex almost 4- 6 times a day,which i think is crazy cos i have a job plus gotta take care of the house too..wht can i do...
Thanks a lot doc,i will talk to him about these issues n we'll decide what works for us both...
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Dear Hyshaa:
He may be thrusting really deep and hard because he needs a great deal of stimulation. Everyone is different: some men can orgasm with only light stroking, while others need very intense stimulation. Only one way to find out: ask him. Then you two can work this out together.
About frequency: Some men can only feel intimate and caring during sex. It may be that your husband thinks that because that's what works for him, you feel the same way. Again, communication is required here. Tell him how you feel.
Regarding his not coming inside you: I can't tell you what his problem is because I don't know how he feels. There are many reasons why a man might not ejaculate in his partner; among them:
Negative teachings about sex being dirty or wrong. Some men feel coming inside a woman is somehow "defiling" her. He may also have mixed feelings about having children at this point. Perhaps he got caught up in your enthusiasm, and doesn't want to disappoint you, but isn't quite ready for children yet?
Again, there's really no way of knowing what's going on unless you ask him. Dr. J
He may be thrusting really deep and hard because he needs a great deal of stimulation. Everyone is different: some men can orgasm with only light stroking, while others need very intense stimulation. Only one way to find out: ask him. Then you two can work this out together.
About frequency: Some men can only feel intimate and caring during sex. It may be that your husband thinks that because that's what works for him, you feel the same way. Again, communication is required here. Tell him how you feel.
Regarding his not coming inside you: I can't tell you what his problem is because I don't know how he feels. There are many reasons why a man might not ejaculate in his partner; among them:
Negative teachings about sex being dirty or wrong. Some men feel coming inside a woman is somehow "defiling" her. He may also have mixed feelings about having children at this point. Perhaps he got caught up in your enthusiasm, and doesn't want to disappoint you, but isn't quite ready for children yet?
Again, there's really no way of knowing what's going on unless you ask him. Dr. J
thanks a lot doc,i m usually aroused enough n quiet wet before we begin but still towards the end it becomes unbearable when he thrusts really hard n deep..i dont knw y he does that.I spoke to him abt the frequency of sex n he told me that he need it n thinks its imp for us as a couple,but i dont think so it is required so many times in a day..n he doesnt *** inside me at all..its a year now that we are married n we want kids but he doesnt come inside me at all...i fail to understand his problem...
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Dear Hyshaa:
Both of the issues you raise are related. It sounds like you’re experiencing pain during penis-vagina (p-v) sex because a) you’re not aroused enough, and b) your husband is being too rough.
If you’re not aroused enough during p-v, you’ll be dry, and your tissues can get irritated, so be sure you’re both turned on and wet. If you ARE aroused but aren’t wet enough, check out the many excellent lubes available. You want one that has no alcohol or perfume (alcohol irritates those delicate membranes).
If you’re not aroused, it’s probably because you’re not getting enough clitoral stimulation during p-v. A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans (or head) of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm!
While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm. During p-v sex, most men use an “in-out” motion that feels great for them, instead of the circular grinding motion that will stimulate the clitoris. So how about trading off once in awhile? Him first; then you—or vice-versa?
Have you asked yourself why your husband is only concerned with his pleasure? Is this OK with you? Are you willing to be in a relationship with someone who seems not to care about your pleasure?
There has to be communication in order for any relationship to work for both people, so it’s time to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Most reasonable people are open to compromise. If he wants sex 4-6 times daily, and you’re happy with once a day, or once a week, or whatever, you need to negotiate some sort of agreement that works for both of you. It’s possible he wants sex so often because the relationship is new, and he’s so happy to finally have regular sex. This is an issue for many men. It will help if you reassure him that he’s going to have regular sex for the rest of his life, so he doesn’t need to worry and “binge” on sex now.
Tell him how you feel without being angry or attacking him. Remember that when you attack someone, they get defensive, and that gets you nowhere. The tact to take is “how can the TWO of us resolve this and make it work together.” Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Both of the issues you raise are related. It sounds like you’re experiencing pain during penis-vagina (p-v) sex because a) you’re not aroused enough, and b) your husband is being too rough.
If you’re not aroused enough during p-v, you’ll be dry, and your tissues can get irritated, so be sure you’re both turned on and wet. If you ARE aroused but aren’t wet enough, check out the many excellent lubes available. You want one that has no alcohol or perfume (alcohol irritates those delicate membranes).
If you’re not aroused, it’s probably because you’re not getting enough clitoral stimulation during p-v. A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans (or head) of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm!
While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm. During p-v sex, most men use an “in-out” motion that feels great for them, instead of the circular grinding motion that will stimulate the clitoris. So how about trading off once in awhile? Him first; then you—or vice-versa?
Have you asked yourself why your husband is only concerned with his pleasure? Is this OK with you? Are you willing to be in a relationship with someone who seems not to care about your pleasure?
There has to be communication in order for any relationship to work for both people, so it’s time to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Most reasonable people are open to compromise. If he wants sex 4-6 times daily, and you’re happy with once a day, or once a week, or whatever, you need to negotiate some sort of agreement that works for both of you. It’s possible he wants sex so often because the relationship is new, and he’s so happy to finally have regular sex. This is an issue for many men. It will help if you reassure him that he’s going to have regular sex for the rest of his life, so he doesn’t need to worry and “binge” on sex now.
Tell him how you feel without being angry or attacking him. Remember that when you attack someone, they get defensive, and that gets you nowhere. The tact to take is “how can the TWO of us resolve this and make it work together.” Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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