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relations
I met a guy who happens to be a surgical resident at a top hospital. I am a pre-med student(19 yrs old) and we began talking, at first mostly about the medical field, but then more personally. He is in his second year of residency and we would talk on the phone a lot and also talk online. We've gone out for casual dates, but he wants to go further. He asked me to go back to his apartment with him, and I know he would like to have sex, but I really don't want to right now. I don't feel like I know him well enough to do that and I don't want to be a one night stand. He keeps trying to push me to go further and I've told him I don't want to just yet, but he doesn't seem to take it very well. I don't know what else to say to him. I do like him and he's sweet, for the most part, but don't like how he's pushing me to have sex. I have only told one friend about the situation, but she got mad at me because of the age difference between us, so what do I do?
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hello.
First of all, since you're 19 and a student, and this man is both older than you, as well as higher status, there's a serious power imbalance in this relationship. No wonder you feel nervous and intimidated.
It's a good sign that you were able to express your concerns to him and your desire to delay becoming sexual, and it's also a good sign that he didn't try to talk you out of it. This is something to pay attention to in the future. If he does eventually try to talk you out of waiting, it might be an indication that he doesn't exactly have your best interests at heart.
About your body image issues. Most of us feel self-conscious about some part of our body, especially if we've had some physiological changes due to illness or injury. As a medical student, you're probably aware of this. You have an opportunity to gain some insights into the concerns of your future patients by sitting down and exploring you attitude about your body. What would you tell a patient with this same feeling?
Lastly, listen to your heart and good judgment. Something doesn't feel right for you, so give yourself permission to go slow, watch for signals and continue to evaluate whether this relationship is right for you. As I said, the power imbalance could be an important issue. If you feel one-down to someone, it's possible you can be manipulated into doing things that don't feel right for you. Pay attention and take good care of yourself. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
First of all, since you're 19 and a student, and this man is both older than you, as well as higher status, there's a serious power imbalance in this relationship. No wonder you feel nervous and intimidated.
It's a good sign that you were able to express your concerns to him and your desire to delay becoming sexual, and it's also a good sign that he didn't try to talk you out of it. This is something to pay attention to in the future. If he does eventually try to talk you out of waiting, it might be an indication that he doesn't exactly have your best interests at heart.
About your body image issues. Most of us feel self-conscious about some part of our body, especially if we've had some physiological changes due to illness or injury. As a medical student, you're probably aware of this. You have an opportunity to gain some insights into the concerns of your future patients by sitting down and exploring you attitude about your body. What would you tell a patient with this same feeling?
Lastly, listen to your heart and good judgment. Something doesn't feel right for you, so give yourself permission to go slow, watch for signals and continue to evaluate whether this relationship is right for you. As I said, the power imbalance could be an important issue. If you feel one-down to someone, it's possible you can be manipulated into doing things that don't feel right for you. Pay attention and take good care of yourself. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
I told him that I wanted to wait and he said that it's fine with him (this happened the other night). I still worry about it all though. I'm kind of afraid to let him see me naked. I feel really self-conscious about the way that I look, especially since I had surgery last year and was left with some bad scarring and I feel I look slightly 'deformed'. I can hide it well under clothing, but if the clothing is gone, then I'm totally exposed and I don't want him to think of me badly. He tells me I'm beautiful and he won't care, but I'm still really nervous about him seeing me.
I originally really liked him because he didn't care at all that I have a medical problem, obviously since he's a resident and knows about it all. And he was really sweet and helped me out with school work, since he'd already been through college and knows all the pre-med courses I'm taking. He's gone out with me and my friends before, but my friends aren't that into him and say he's too old for me. He's seven years older. He acts cool around my friends, but when we're alone he keeps pushing for sex. I've only known him for a about 2 months and don't want to jump right into having sex. My friend thinks I should leave him, but I just don't know what to do. ideas?
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