what should I do?

[Ruth590]

Hello Dr.  . Alittle backround information. I was 14 when I met my husband he was 18. we didn't marry until I was 21. I got pregnant the first time we had sex when i was 14 and was forced by parents to have an abortion.no anesteshia or anything just pain. not great sex since.  lived with his parents to pay off car. his mom dies father is very sick couldn't leave ,year later father dies, less than a year i was in an auto accident lost a baby almost died ,metal throughtout my leg and hip. Now we're sleeping in the bedroom his mom and dad passed away in and we found them. great thing to put me in the mood. i was in a body cast for 6 months. after i got well my husband thought i would be ready to have sex all the time. that was the last thing on my mind. I ended up abusing alcohol,cocaine but that was our best sex, Ihave been sober for 18 years but have gained alot of weight. My husband has a very bad temper calls me a pig just like my mother and many other things i won't go into. He continued drinking after i quit and i left him for awile things were ok for alittle while. But with his temper and unloving ways i have trouble wanting to have sex with him. i forgot a couple of things before i met him. when i was 13 my cousin tryed to sexually molest me and my father was inapproiate . we found out 2 years ago my husband has hepatitis c and he had to have a liver transplant 2 years ago. the transplant was another nightmare but thats ok now. the hepc is attacking his new liver and hes been on treatment for almost 2 years and it isn't working so noew we're just playing a waiting game. he said he wants to die because we haven't had much sex in 25 years. he should havve stayed away when i left i told him, I thought after the transplant he was go to be a kinder,more forgiving, humble person but forget it.He won't wear a condom cause there is only a slight chance i can get it I can't leave him now, Thanks for letting me vent, Ruth

[Ruth590]

Thats the funny thing about it I do love him and wish  there was a way we could start over. When I try to do that he keeps bringing up the past. I guess if I keep trying maybe i'll find a conselor that will help. thanks for your insight. Ruth

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

I'm so sorry for all the pain you've endured. But you can live a happy life if you decide to take charge of it and stop being a victim.

You can't change your husband, and from your writing, I don't get any sense that you love him. So ask yourself why you're staying in this relationship if you're not happy.

You need to talk with someone who can help you decide what you want to do. Please  see a counselor. You deserve happiness and love. Dr. J