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Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Community
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Avatar universal

why do i even bother?

I am so tired. very very tired. I can't stop crying, I cant stop eating and i'm putting on weight which doesn't help me at all! I was always (now I started crying again because I am writing my life down!) quite happy, I miss it. Now I think 'I can end it when ever I want' but I cant, because when I look at a knife or a razor or anything lethal, I feel selfish, I feel like such a ungrateful person, and then I break down again! My folks think I am just daft, and stupid, and when they get angry with me they call me names, the other day I was told to 'get off my fat arse', it's not just people i'm close to, its also my bus drivers that take me to school, I forget my bus pass, I get yelled at and cursed... it's not fair! IT'S SO Unfair! i'm 15! 15 year olds shouldn't have to deal with so much stress should they? Other 15 year olds I know don't. I try making friends, I try fitting in, but they are all out of my league, they are cool, trendy, smart, talented and the perfect weight and the pefect hair, and I look like a 3rd place prize pig compared to them. I have my own friends but they don't listen, the other day I was at my worst, I actually said aloud 'I need to commit suicide..." My friend said "don't you mean 'want'?" no she was wrong. I felt the need to, but I didn't, because I felt like a ungrateful pile of c**p. I only want a hug half the time, but I am ignored. Why do I even bother...
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