I know that I was told that child support and visitation are "mutually exclusive" in my state, meaning I can't keep the kids from my ex just because he doesn't pay child support, and he still has to pay child support even if he doesn't want to see the kids.  This seems unfair to me.  My kids' lives are uprooted every other weekend, they don't know this loser, and he doesn't pay me child support because he would rather spend his money on drugs and beer.  His visitation is already supervised by his parents because of his past drug convictions, but I'm afraid they are not supervising properly.  I am really afraid that something terrible might happen to my kids while they are with him (2 and 10 mo, they can't come home and tell me "daddy was passed out high on the couch all weekend.")

Even though I was told the two were mutually exclusive, I want to know if anyone would withhold or at least restrict access if your ex had NEVER paid you a DIME and now owes 11K.  Not to mention his past with the drugs, and him never having money leads me to beleive he is still spending all his money on drugs.  He has a job, lives with his parents, has no bills, and still has to borrow money from his parents for cigs and gas. And that is just in a little over a year.  It doesn't seem fair that I have to follow the court order (allowing visitation) and he just gets away scott free.  It drives me crazy.

My lawyer will not help me get child support, and since my lawyer is stupid and slow about getting me things DHS also can't do much for me.  I would much rather my ex just not be in my kids' lives at all instead of paying child support anyways.  I know that my kids need a dad, but I don't think they need to be exposed to his drug addiction madness.

Would anyone else withhold visitation?  I really want to but I don't know what to do.  I don't want to be the one to get in legal trouble when it is him that is in the wrong.  Of course there is more to this story, but it would take all day to type it.  :)
2 Responses
1845202 tn?1318994345
I am the mother of three now teens but when my x left they were 6, 3, and the one was not even born yet. My x has been unreliable about visitation and I knew the rules too. I found that in my case I let the kids decide if they wanted to go because they had difficulties with him and I vowed not to push them. It basically worked well, though many people say I am in the wrong, but it is good to encourage them to at least know who their father is so they do not end up mad at you for not letting them have a relationship with him. My kids still choose and they know the relationship they have with him is what it is and if they as teens do not make the effort it is on them and him (since he usually does not make the effort).

Good luck.
Avatar universal
If you withhold visitation and he takes you to court for contempt, he can eventually get full custody. Document everything and argue he is a danger to the child. As for child support, take him to court for contempt every single time he doesn't pay. Eventually they will put him in jail. You don't need an attorney for this.
Do not withhold visitation. Trust me on this one.
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