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Contacting my 16 yr old's father who may or may not know that he exists

16 years ago I had a "casual" relationship with a guy that resulted in pregnancy.  The last time I seen the guy I was pregnant but didn't know it yet (2-3 wks at that time).  We had mutual friends at that time and he could have known I was pregnant but I never saw him again to tell him personally.  I have tried to locate him over the years but was unsuccessful.  His dad was in the military and he was born in Germany had talked about going back there the last couple of times we were together.   Fast forward to today: I think I might have found this guy via Facebook.  How do I find out for sure it is the same guy?  If it is him, how do I possible tell him that he is the father of my 16 year old child?
2 Responses
134578 tn?1517087675
You write to him and say, "Hi, it's Mary Smith.  Are you the same Friedrick Hinkelbungarten that I used to know in Poughkeepsie in 1998?  We used to play jazz and send helium balloons up at night."   In other words, do what you would do with anyone else who might be from your past, briefly name something he would remember.  Then if he responds positively, say "I'm getting in touch to let you know that our relationship, short though it was, produced a son.  He's the best thing that ever happened in my life, and I don't have any intention of making a claim on you, but I did think you should know about him, [etc. etc.]"

You don't put the second set of information out there until you get a clear confirmation that old Friedrick is really the same guy, of course.
134578 tn?1517087675
For what it's worth, I was looking in the White Pages for the phone number of my son's kindergarten teacher, and got not one, not two, but three women with the same first and last name (and it is not a run-of-the-mill name, either), only with different middle initials, all in the same town.  Maybe they are all family members and would know each other if I called one and asked if she had been a kindergarten teacher to my son, but it was kind of amazing that in such a small area we would have three of them.  I hope the guy you found is the right guy.
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