Hey, did I write this?? I know how you feel. Haven't been in a real relationship in 3 years...it's hard because I don't want to be alone, but anyone I date has to be okay with me being a mom, and he has to be decent enough I'd let him around my son! None have made the cut yet. I feel like a teenager wanting to say, "No fair! This sucks!" lol...
Hang in there, have faith! Your Mr. Perfect will come along!
Trust me, I know what it feels like to be lonely as a single mom. In the relationship with my ex, things were so bad that I was horribly lonely and depressed when I was with him in the last few months. When we broke up, I felt so liberated and happy, but at the same time, I was eager to meet someone else who would be the complete opposite of my ex, just to experience what that would be like--to have a relationship where, for the first time in my life, I feel I'd be genuinely loved and respected.
I wrote to you about the plan I had for that in the Relationships forum. Make a checklist of what you want and expect from a man and a relationship, and promise yourself not to compromise more than, say, three expectations or requirements.
As for not having the time to meet people, what do you mean? You meet people every day! Just think of each new day as having another opportunity to take advatage of it one presents itself. Don't let yourself hate being alone or the hate the feeling that you don't have time to meet people. Your feelings are what you make them and often turn into real life. So you might as well be optimistic!
If you have the time, get yourself involved in something that you have enough spare time to do, like during your lunch hours or on a weekend or something. For example, last summer I got involved in taekwondo, and I usually go during my lunch hour twice a week. I wanted to do something that would be for me, so that I could feel I was accomplishing something for my health, fitness, and social life outside of work. And also to meet people. Lol, for a couple of months I was set on my instructor, but never had the nerve to ask him out (I wondered about ethics of the instructor/student thing, you know). Everything all worked out, though...I wound up meeting my boyfriend at work and have been dating him for 5 months now. He's the greatest!
However, I was so caught up in raising my son, working, dealing with my ex, and trying to win the affections of my taekwondo instructor that I never knew my bf existed until a friend of mine gave me his number and said, "Here. A nice guy I know likes you and asked me to give you his number. You should call him."
Plus, I didn't even expect to find or get a relationship with anyone anyway, and just accepted that. I felt content with life and where I was, had priorities set, but wondered when, or if, I'd ever find a good relationship because I wasn't exactly sure how to pursue one, and that was the depressing part.
But...that's the great thing about wonderful relationships that happen unexpectedly, I suppose! Had I been trying any harder to get one started myself, I'd probably still be single and wondering why.
So just let your life take its course and have faith that God will put the right man in your life at the right time. Get involved in something that makes you feel like you're a part of something that's good for you, and enjoy each day you have with your child when it's just you and her, not having to worry about sharing your time and love with anyone but eachother and developing a close mother-child bond.
And stick to that checklist! Like I said before, you should have no shame in valuing your life and daughter's and expecting nothing less than the best for both of you. Knowing that you'll be moving forward with those priorities should help you feel even more confident in finding a great relationship.
I hope for the best for you!
ADJ84 - that is great advice, i agree with you.
Also just rememeber to think positie thoughts. I know I spend my dark days crying alone( especially when my ex had my boys for a weekend) and I became angry & alone, so much I didnt even want to go out ,even when I was had a no kid weekend. Then a friend from a long time ago reminded me that you must just sit back & enjoy the solitude of being. We must learn to enjoy the silence within ourselves & our own company.
Try yoga..its a great excercise for the mind & body connection, also decreases stress. And remember, when you are happy & smiling, you also attract more people to you . Its a great theory " The Laws of Attraction". Like attracts like. If you send happy thoughts out there, you will recieve happy thoughts back, same goes for negative thoughts..so hun no matter how dark one day may be, its just one day. Wake up tomorrow , give you kid(s) a hug & be happy & thankful to have another day to think happy thoughts. Its always a choice how we feel..isnt it ? :)
Sorry , looks like I messed up your letters :)
Thanks for all the responses. I guess i was just in a little funk there and i feel great now. Living alone in a big house sometimes when you feel like you need help sometimes makes me feel lonely. My father doesnt even help me so i have no men to help out if there is a problem. It sucks. oh well life goes on :) I am back at feeling content of being single it took a while to get back there but now its great. I remembered why i loved it so much. Thanks for all the support kind words :)
I can totally empysise with you with regards to being lonely, before I had my son I used to love being with friends who had kids and spending time with them all, as much as I have wanted a child when I broke from my LTR and went through my pregnancy alone and just family around me and I was lonely, when I had my son it was a massive wake up call for me, I have my moments when am lonely and being a single parent is very difficult even when you are a strong individual and its not what its all cracked up to be, the good side personal for me is, I got the best bit out of my horrible past and ex and am great full for my family to be close by for when I need time for me & I wouldn’t change it as am content and we have a lovely calm life now.
Keep your chin up :)
I can relate. I haven't as much as been on a date or even a casual hook up in 5 yrs! The best advise I can give is during the harder moments try to think of the higher potential for more relationship craziness and the negativity it could bring. This makes me feel better about the negative aspects of being alone.