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595141 tn?1239975414


Ok, here's my story. Im a closet smoker, for you who dont know what that is.............. I sneak to smoke. I hide any where I can. Its not easy. I tryed to quit about 6 years ago, because of the cost of ciggretts. I couldnt do it, but my kids were so excited I quit I didnt have the heart to tell them I didnt truly quit. So from that day to now I have been hiding it from them.  I became very inventive, I carry around a trial size bottle of Febrezze, and spray myself when ever I have one LOL! So silly I know. Well now the cost has gone from 6.00 a pack to 8.81 a pack! Yikes! thats a car payment! I really need to quit! I put a patch on (Nicaderm cq) when I have to be with my kids any length of time. Like a whole day thing where I know I wont be able to get away to have a butt. This past Sunday I had to be with my daughter for a long peroid of time (2 or more hours) so I put on a patch. Since then I have been trying not to smoke. Not working................ All tho yesterday I only smoked 11 butts and today so far only 4, but I still have 4 hours before I go to bed. Im going on Vacation in May  13 I HAVE to quit before then PLEASE HELP Need tips anything that will help me. 2 mornings in a row now I have held off lighting a butt as long as I can both days I woke up at 7:30 but didnt light up till 10:00. Then I wait 2 hours before having another one. Im going to put a patch on first thing tomorrow morning and take it off before I go to sleep, dont want weird dreams. Well see how that goes. Wish me luck and any advice please
30 Responses
326505 tn?1304172825
I only hear you saying that you "have to" quit, and not that you "want to".

How I wish that there was an easy way to do it, or that I could give you advice that will magically make you want to. What I can tell you is that we are a pretty good source for support. That along with determination and willpower are really all you need to make it happen. You can ask your Dr. about Chantix if the patch doesn't help, and a wonderful website with great articles is whyquitdotcom. This site supports cold turkey, but even if you decide to use an aid, you are still welcome to read the articles.

We are here for you whenever you need support and encouragement : )
595141 tn?1239975414
Your right, I really dont want to quit. This is more about talking myself into quitting. I know it is the right thing to do for many reasons. Cost, 8.81 a pack, my health, and most important my children. Today I put a patch on first thing. If I can make it all day without lighting up I think I then will have the "want" factor. It would make my life soooooo much easier. No more sneaking around trying to find excuses not to go places. I feel so bad every yime my daughter asks me to go to the movies or the mall, and I say "no" all the time, cuz I know I wont be able to have a cigerette! So dumb! I do want to quit for that reason, I just wish I didnt enjoy it so much. Its such a stress reliever. How else can I deal with stress? What can I do instead? I really dont like taking walks. The weather is getting better now tho here in New England. I have plenty of reasons to want to quit, its just such a BIG part of my life, its like giving up your best friend. I hope I can do this, thanks for bringing this to my attention, your so right. I need to fight for my freedom! Thanks again. I'll post later to update on my progress
595141 tn?1239975414
Its 3:39p and so far so good.................. but I gotta say im starting to lose it...........
326505 tn?1304172825
I have to correct something you said "Its such a stress reliever. How else can I deal with stress"?
NO! It isn't a stress reliever, I promise you this! You just think it is but it actually causes you more stress!
All of the deceit, all of the guilt, that's what causes you stress so imagine if you quit, you wouldn't have to deal with that any longer!

Please, please, read the articles at whyquitdot com, read them when you get an urge and write to us too!
We can help one another. I used to believe the garbage about it being a stress reliever too. It is not!!

I'm on the east coast too, NYC ; )
595141 tn?1239975414
Its been almost 21 hours since I have smoked............... I had a really good day with my daughter. We spent most of the day together, she bought me a Gazebo for Easter. (She is 20 yrs old) Now when I get the urge I think of the gazebo. I hope I can make it......... Right now im sitting on my bed thinking "can I do this?".  I did go to the website whyquit.com it is very useful. But Iam on the patch, it encourages you to go cold turkey. I know I would never be able to do that. Iam scared of this process, No lie, but everything that is written on the website is soooooo true. Its like they are talking about me. Wish me luck. Tonight Im taking the patch off before I go to bed. That will be 1 test and tomorrow morning will be the next test
242912 tn?1402547092
Hi there,  

Just from reading your posts, I don't believe you're ready to quit yet either.  You said you felt like you were giving up your best friend.  You are partially right, and if you read the article "My Cigarette, My Friend" on whyquit.com, you'll see what I mean.

Maybe think of it this way.  Would a *best friend* make you hide your friendship or sneak around in order to maintain that friendship?  Would a best friend insist on more time with them over your kids?  Would a best friend advocate dishonesty?  Of course not to all of the above.    

Just by the fact that you think no one knows you smoke has got to be doubly stressful because all your thinking about is when and where you can have that next cig without being caught. Right?

Be honest with yourself.  When you say "no" to a movie with your daughter, aren't you really choosing cigs over her?

You've been doing this for six years.  Aren't you tired of all the deception?  I would imagine you must feel anxious all the time with this game you are playing with yourself.  Just think....if you quit smoking, all the worry of when and where to smoke will be gone.  No more Febreeze, no more lying, you'll save a LOT of money because you're not only buying cigs, but patches too.  You could spend more time with your kids and most of all, you're mind will be free of the "How" "When" "Where".  Wouldn't that feel good?  

Quitting smoking is HARD!  Maybe the most difficult thing you have had to do in your life so far, but you have to want it, be sick of it and be ready to never ever take another puff.  Ever!  That is the mindset one must have in order to be successful in quitting.  

My hope for you is that you come back and post that you made it through this first day and continue with your quit :)

Good luck!  We're here for you.

P.S.  LOL!!  And I thought I went through alot to avoid smelling like smoke.  Never thought of the Febreeze trick.
595141 tn?1239975414
You are so right to everything you said!!!!!  I need you to keep reminding me how rediclulous this game im playing with myself really is!!!!! I have been thinking about quitting for awhile, just never acted on it till this week. Am I crazy to try and quit if Im really not ready? Or should I try and keep going?
242912 tn?1402547092
Hi again,

Your post came through while I was still composing my post to you.  

So happy to see you had a nice day with your daughter and didn't smoke.  Yes, whyquit.com does advocate c/t, but so what.  Lots of people need an aid to quit smoking and that's okay.  Which ever way you choose to quit is the right way for you.  You did great today.  Just take it one day at a time and one minute if you have to.  

Post as much as you need to.  We are always here : )


326505 tn?1304172825
It is scary and yet, a bit exciting! As Jade said, can you imagine not being bullied by what you consider to be your best friend. Can you take back control of your life and never let anyone or anything control you again? Can you use the patch and still read the articles at whyquit? Yes, to both and don't worry about cold turkey. Whatever way you decide, as long as you do it, then that's whaty matters.
Jade also refers to "My Cigarette, My Friend," my personal favorite.......all of the time I invested into a "one way" friendship......how my friend controled my existence, took vacations away from me, made me hide in doorways and freeze my bu++ off, standing in the New York winter huffing and puffing until I had to use an inhaler in order to get a lungful of oxygen and still lighting up : (
Do it now Massachusetts and don't look back. You have our support. It is the hardest thing you will probably ever have to do, but it is the most gratifying too!
242912 tn?1402547092
You should keep going!  If you got through one day then maybe you can get through two, then three......

As the days go by, you will feel better and better and feel the freedom of being a non smoker and maybe the "want" factor will embed itself and you will dread going back to all the sneaking.  That can't be a good feeling.  

Also, read some of posts from the last few months.  People are so HAPPY now that they've quit.  Oh, I have a great idea.  Since all this is a secret to your family and friends, you may want to sit them down and confess.  That way you'll be accountable to them.  You could download a meter at whyquit as well as post your quit time on your profile.  All of that will help you to stay honest.

You can do this!!!
595141 tn?1239975414
You girls are so great! Its so nice to have support, but confessing? Awwww no. I dont want to have any reason to start smoking again. If I tell it will be like, well they know now so its ok. Better off just doing it with all of you supporting me. I didnt do anything with that website but read because I thought you HAD to go cold turkey, no nicotine replacement allowed. Now I will set myself up with a meter thats a great thing.
326505 tn?1304172825
above all, just hang in there and fight for the moment, then the hour, then the day.....

The meter is a good way to gage your accomplishments : ) Today is my 1 and a half yr. anniversary : )
1y 6m 22:51 smoke-free, 12,076 cigs not smoked, $2,898.24 saved, 1m 1w 4d 22:20 life saved
242912 tn?1402547092
Oh, okay.  I had to reread your reason for not confessing a couple of times.  I see what you mean now.  So confessing is out, but get your meter.  It'll be encouraging for you to actually see your own progress.

This is going to be great!  Be happy!  Be excited!  This is going to change your life :)

595141 tn?1239975414
I have been quit for 23 hours, 28 minutes and 45 seconds (0 days). I have saved $0.42 by not smoking 0 cigarettes. I have saved 0 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 4/8/2009 10:00 PM
326505 tn?1304172825
Congrats on day 1 : )
Hang tough and remember all the positives for quitting. Read those articles, especially under "library categories." There are multiple articles in each section so there is loads of material to read. If you really start jonesing, then look through the "Motivation" column and that should deter you.

Also, your meter isn't displaying the right amount of smokes not smoked and money saved. You might want to adjust that ; )
595141 tn?1239975414
Good morning! So far so good today.................... Last night I took the patch off at 9:30, and didnt have one! I had alot of trouble falling asleep but didnt have the urge to smoke. When I was smoking if I could not fall asleep I would sneak a butt in the bathroom, and that always worked. Im so glad I didnt have the urge. Then this morning I woke up at 7:30, took a shower at 9:00 and put another patch on. Day 2.................. hope I can make it thru another day.  
595141 tn?1239975414
My quit meter isnt working, and I was trying to fix it, can you help me?
326505 tn?1304172825
first, congrats to you : ) I know that some people have difficulty with their sleep in the beginning when using the patch but hang in there because it does get better.

Did you download the quit meter from the whyquit website? If so, then you have to enter certain info so that it will keep a tally. My meter was off the same site and I never had a problem with it, so maybe you can try to download a different one? Sorry I couldn't be of more help.
1y 6m 1d 13:21 smoke-free, 12,086 cigs not smoked, $2,900.64 saved, 1m 1w 4d 23:10 life saved
242912 tn?1402547092
Morning to you and congrats on day 2!  

I have confidence that you WILL make it through today : )

Good luck with the meter.  I have noticed that Kathy Jo's meter reads a little differently than some others.  I have a feeling it's the first choice among the meter choices on whyquit.  I could be wrong though...
595141 tn?1239975414
Still smoke free................ but its that time of day again. Whenever my daughter left to go out or takes a shower thats my time to have a butt, These are the really hard times for me. Its just such a habit! I want to race upstairs while she is in the shower so I can have a butt in peace. Yikes................ this is so hard
242912 tn?1402547092
I can relate.  With my first quit, I started to cheat here and there.  Naturally, it was when my husband wasn't home.  For the months I didn't cheat, every time he left I would think "nows my chance", but I no longer smoked so had to find something else to do : )  

What about reading the articles on whyquit.com or just lurking on the forums on this site.  I swear, time flys when I'm on the computer.  I can even forget to eat.  For me, it's a good deterrent.  

I also walk alot, but I think you said you don't enjoy that.  Another thing I did when I quit was clean the house....for DAYS.  It was sparkling, let me tell you.  

I know this is really hard, but here you are on day 2 and you haven't smoked.  Yay!!

Try to take it one hour at a time if you have to.  Your daughter will be back at some point and you might give yourself a pat on the back for declining this opportunity to smoke.  The first few days are the most difficult, but it will get better, you'll see : )

Hang in there!
326505 tn?1304172825
It's good that you recognize your triggers and when you are most likely to have one. You need to find something that will take your mind off it.....I know you mentioned that you don't like to walk, but that's probably the best thing you can do. Maybe a bath? Do something for yourself. Treat yourself to something pampering. Go on the computer and write a message to the boards and do some reading at whyquit. Do something that you don't associate with smoking. Confide in a friend and then call them when you are feeling this way. Make sure you tell someone who is a non-smoker or an ex-smoker. Just sharing stories may help you get through it.
Whatever you do, don't light up : ) Were pulling for you! Hang in there Mass.
595141 tn?1239975414
I made it threw!!!!!! Im still good! Kathyjo, you are so helpful. I know without you and Jade I would have lit up! Thank you so much. I have never gone this long without smoking. What I need to do when something triggers me  is something constuctive. Maybe I will clean out a drawer in my kitchen lol. Yea thats a good idea...........  I'll have the neatest kitchen in Mass!  By the way I love my nick name :) "Mass"!
242912 tn?1402547092
Hey Mass, good job!!!  You sound like you're proud of yourself, which you should be :)  This is a very big deal.  

Don't hesitate to post as much and as often as you need to.  Often, by the time you're done posting, the craving has subsided.  

You're doing just great!
326505 tn?1304172825
I am your neighbor Mass ; ) and also a BB rival : ) You can call me New York.

My sis-in-law called me before and she is on day 1 of Chantix. She hasn't set her quit date yet, but wants to be done by the end of month 1. She is going to need our support so as a neighbor, you have to do the neighborly thing ; )

You are doing great and as Jade put it, you deserve an "atta boy."

Here is an article that I read from time to time:

“I'm Not Going to Smoke Today!”
During the quitting process, you most likely woke up thinking of this concept, either with great determination or incredible trepidation.  Either way, it was imperative that you aimed a high degree of focus at this lofty goal.  The incredible cravings elicited by the addiction required that you had all the motivation and ammunition to squelch the seemingly irresistible need to take a cigarette.  Whether or not you understood it, immediately reaffirming your goal not to smoke upon waking was crucial during your initial quitting phase.

The fact is, restating the simple concept of "not smoking today" is not only important when you first quit.  You should restate this upon waking for the rest of your life.  Each day you should start with "I'm not going to smoke today."  Equally important, each day you should end congratulating yourself and feeling a sense of pride and accomplishment for achieving your worthwhile goal.

For even years and decades after successful cessation, every day you continue to breathe and think, relapse to smoking remains an inherent risk.  The addiction to nicotine is as powerful as the addiction to alcohol or any illicit drug.  The habituation of smoking permeated almost every area of your day to day existence.  You may allow complacency to fill the void left by your old addiction and habits by disregarding the monumental effort and achievement which accompanied overcoming them.  Complacency causes your guard to drop and you may begin to forget the reasons you wanted to quit.  You will no longer recognize the many vast improvements in the quality of your physical, social and economic well being which accompanied smoking cessation.

Then, one day when smoking seemed to be a part of an obscure past which had no real relevance to your current status, a thought for a cigarette is accompanied by an opportunity to "innocently" reach for one.  Maybe it is under an insignificant social circumstance, or maybe a major life crisis.  Either way, all the elements seem to be in place.  Motive, cause and opportunity are present, reasoning and knowledge of addiction are conspicuously absent.  A puff is taken.

New rules are now in place.  Your body demands nicotine.  A preordained process is now set in motion, and, even if you don't realize what has happened, a drug relapse has occurred.  The wants and desire to take back the action are overpowered by the body's demand for nicotine.  You will have no control of the physiological process set in action.  Soon your mind bows to your body's dictates.

You will very likely feel great regret and remorse.  An overriding feeling of failure and guilt will haunt you.  You will soon find yourself longing for the days when you had hardly thought of cigarettes at all.  But those days will slowly become a fading past image.  Weeks, months or even decades may pass before you once again musters the resolve to attempt a serious quitting process.  Sadly, you may never again have the appropriate strength, initial motivation, or, tragically, the opportunity to quit again.  A terminal diagnosis or sudden death may preclude the well-intentioned future attempt that may never have a chance to be realized.

Don't take the chance of becoming entrapped in this kind of tragic and dismal scenario.  Actively strive to successfully remain smoke free and maintain all the associated perks—the physical, emotional, economic, professional and social benefits of not being an active smoker.  Always start your day off with the statement "I won't smoke today."  Always end your day with a self-affirmation and sense of pride and accomplishment for once again winning your daily battle over your addiction.  And always remember between your waking up and the ending of your day to - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
595141 tn?1239975414
Tomorrow I have work in the morning which will be another test. All my smoking buddies will be there. But I will be fine. I have come this far, day 3 I can do it. Then my daughter and I are coloring eggs in the afternoon. Easter we are going to my sisters house, which by the way I wanted to be smoke free by then and its happening. That was my was actual quit date. Now I can enjoy being at her house and not freaking out about when I'll get to smoke. So I have a busy weekend ahead of me, and thats a good thing. Good night Ladies, talk to you tomorrow.

                                                          Love ya,

242912 tn?1402547092
Thanks for posting that article.  If it doesn't apply to me, I don't know what would :)  I put it in my favorites so I don't have to search for it once this thread gets buried.  

Also, my mother quit smoking when I was about 3, so 1963.  One day after work she is out with friends for a drink, someone has a cig going that's right next to her.  She picks it up without even thinking and takes a drag.  This was in 1977 and that one puff was all it took for her to become a smoker again until she quit for good in 1988.  She used hypnosis.  She has now been quit for nearly 21yrs.  
326505 tn?1304172825
my mom also quit in 1988! She just put them down and that was it.
When I look back at my earliest memories, I remember my dad leaving for work and putting a few "non-filtered" smokes on the end table. I guess thats how it began with her. Fast forward to about 1985, my mother, sister, brother, husband and baby Billy at the table playing gin rummy. Every one of us smoking while Billy, in his infant seat was in the middle of the table, inhaling all of our smoke : (  When I think about it, it just makes my stomach turn. Before the birth of my daughter, in 89, my mother put them down and has never looked back. Perhaps she has the same visual as me.....I don't know, I never asked.
My son and daughter met up in Paris today and when they called me, both congratulated me on my anniversary : ) Thank goodness they don't hold a grudge : )
595141 tn?1239975414
Hi girls, past another test. Got threw work without lighting up, but I gotta say walking past the smokers................ that smell brought it all back.  I have to stay away for smoke. I know people say it stinks and all but it smelled like roses to me today lol. Is being depressed a part of the quitting process? I have a friend who quit about a month ago, she quits about 10 times a year, anyway she said Im thinking about this too much. I need to get my mind off quitting and dont think about it so much. Im I thinking about it too much???? At one point today I was going to say forget this, im dredding getting up in the morning anymore. Maybe Im really nor ready.................... confussed
326505 tn?1304172825
It was like losing my best friend and I was very emotional. Sad, angry, depressed, just a bunch of different enotions that made me second guess my decision to quit. Just like you I wondered if I was ready. It's normal to feel this way Mass. As for ready......when is the best time to quit? There is never a better time then the present and you are almost through day 3! I don't know about you, but I never quit for that long and I wouldn't want those days of struggling against my addiction to count for nothing.
As for the smell of smoke......well in the early days I couldn't hang out or do anything where smoking was permitted because I didn't want to tempt myself! The smell didn't repulse me until I was well into my quit, about 3 months!
Mass., when you wake up, try putting a positive spin on things. For instance, I will breathe better, I will smell better, I won't sneak, lie or cheat myself. I won't be controlled by my addiction, rather I will show it who is the boss ; ) I will not smoke, just for today, and tomorrow, well I will deal with it when it gets here.
Take some deep, cleansing breaths of fresh crisp night air, and enjoy the very fact that you are no longer inhaling the poisons "There are 599 approved ingredients used in the manufacturing of cigarettes. When burned, these ingredients form over 4000 chemical compounds." That in itself is one powerful reason to NEVER SMOKE AGAIN!
You can do it Mass., so hang in there and be strong!
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