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Avatar universal

Stop the Insanity

Hi Everybody,
My name is Jim and I'm sick and tired of always failing at this deadly game. My Father had his voice box removed back in 1978 while I was in High School. At that time I was just starting to smoke quite a bit. When he awoke from his surgery he could no longer talk. He learned how to talk by swallowing air and did it so well that he and a friend started a club called the lost chords club.  They helped throat Cancer survivors learn how to talk. He ultimatly beat the Cancer but had to suck his lungs out with a pump several times a day. Watching him do that everyday was scary, but I continued to smoke. He fianlly died in 1997 from Skin Cancer.
The reason I told all that stuff about my Dad is because I am haunted by guilt and it is eating me alive. Although I don't think he knew that I continued to smoke occasionally while he was alive, after he died my addictions with smoking and other deadly things took off like a rocketship. I always tell people he must be spinning in his grave watching me smoke. I recently switched from cigarettes to those small flavored cigars. Now I hate cigs and love cigars which I'm told are worse that cigs. I am guilt ridden and scared. Everyday I swear these things off. My wife smokes also, but can put them away after one or not touch them for a month. We are both recovering Alcoholics and Drug Addicts so we have decided today that we would try and do it One Day At A Time together. I am active in AA, but just can't seem to kick the smoking habit.  I mention quitting together at meetings to some of the smokers and thet mostly say "We gave up everything else, we aren't giving up our smoking too!!". Oh well, I refuse to quit quitting. I bought some nicotine gum and regular gum to help with the oral fixation thing. So anyway I figured joining another support group can't hurt.
So that's my story and I hope everyone else is having better luck with this stuff. I found that seeing some of those horrific pictures of dirty lungs and clogged arteries on TV and online to be helpful, but that only lasted a week or so. I'm open minded and willing to try anything to stop, so any suggestions would be deeply appreciated. Thanks for letting me hang with you guys. God Bless you all....JimG
Best Answer
874521 tn?1424116797
welcome Jim!! and congrats to you for this new resolution.
I too watched my mom die of lung ca all the while smoking non stop...it scares us but apparently not enough at the time. yes we feel fear and quilt and many other emotions tht seem just to spur even more cigarettes..
As you know cigarettes are one of the hardest additions to stop....saw my doctor last week who recently just quit himself, he told me its harder than a cocaine or heroin addiction....he knows an oncologist who gave him a tip...said decaf green tea helps with the craving, he said its been working for him, so I'm giving it a try too......it may take lots of cups!!!!
but if it even helps some its worth a try right.
Yes I agree 'lets quit quitting'...its time now. I stopped 4 months ago and relapsed last week but today I come here to admit my use and a new resolve to DO this for once and for all!
We will all support each other here Jim.
Many find help with the site whyquit.com
Good luck to you and your wife. and yes GOD BLESS US ALL....♥
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1617164 tn?1308279263
That's pretty scary..good on u both for where u are now.  I have a son who has encouraged me to quit many times, but I just keep sucking away.  Well, I have 7 days now, so I'm just going to keep trying.  I really want a cigarette today..hopfully I make it. I'm writing  my last paper, and I'm use to having the cigarette with the paper writing as a relief from the stress.  If I can make it though today it'll be a really good thing.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Gosh Jim what an inspiring story you have! Congrats, I too smoked since I was fifteen and I watched my Mom & Dad die of emphasema and it was horrible, but it didn't stop me from smoking. We all seem to have that in common. That's why I know its an obsession, I know it's insanity, it the worst addiction there is in my book. And I've kicked alot of things.
I think part of it is genetic also don't you? We must break the cycle. My son quit, I'm so proud of him but I couldn't quit for him either. You must decide for yourself. You cannot do it until the desire to stop is stronger than the desire to go on. I'm rooting and praying for all of us. I have copd and I've even used the excuse that if I'm going to die in a couple of years
I will at least have a cigarette when I'm scared. But I'm scared that I'm going to die from it and Probably will, but I want to beat it first!! So badly!! One day at a time guys that's all we have to do!  Love to all,
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey Jim, I feel what you're going through.  Quitting tobacco is tough stuff, but it is doable.

My sister in law is really big into AA.  AA basically saved her life.  She had numerous addictions regarding drugs and alcohol, and AA helped her break the habits.  With that being said, she smokes cigarettes at a pace that I have never witnessed, and drinks a ton of coffee.  

With the cigarettes.... like your father, her mother (my mother in law) was a smoker whose respiratory system was greatly compromised, and had been for years.  My mother in law couldn't walk 50 feet without becoming winded!  It was pitiful.... and yet my sister in law continued to smoke, and even increased the amount she was smoking.  Today, my sister in law cannot walk 50 ft without being winded, and she blames it on asthma....yeah, asthma!  

I confronted her with this because I have asthma.  I asked her were she got her diagnosis, and she didn't have an answer.  I asked her what her doctor said about her having asthma and continuing to smoke, and again got no answer.  The fact is, she doesn't have asthma.  Her lungs are compromised because of smoking, and she uses an over the counter inhaler to clear her lungs so she can smoke.... unbelievable.

Her theory too was that she had given up everything else and was not going to drop this.  While she may be clean of alcohol and drugs, she is now killing herself with tobacco and it is a long agonizing death.  And honestly, I don't feel sorry for her.  Too, at this point, quitting for her is probably a moot point.  She is not far from being put on oxygen.  (I am had of hearing but can hear her wheeze from about 10 feet away....)

So, in closing.... you're absolutely right.  One day at a time.  We can only control ourselves, and we can only be in charge of whats happening right now.  The past is over and we cannot change that, but we can change the now.  Stay in there!!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi everyone, thanks a for all the wonderful comments and support. I just had a setback and I am trying not to get too bummed out over my slip with smoking. My good friend Scott died yesterday. He went in the hospital last Monday and he died yesterday. He had Hep-C that progressed into Cirrhosis. It was the saddest thing I have ever been through. He was only 38 yrs old.
Anyway that was my lame excuse for smoking again. I really want to stop. I had my last one at 9pm so I have about a half hour right now. I hate myself for this nasty habit. It really scares me when I think about ruining my heart. As I focus on that I absolutly do not want to smoke. It's just that, as soon as I lose focus and without even thinking I have one lit up agian, I say What the?? I hate these....My Heart? My arteries,lungs and  picture myself suffering and gasping for air with lung cancer. I don't want to die from smoking. I need a big Neon sign strapped to my head to constantly remind me "DON'T SMOKE YOU IDIOT". I have quit many times and I'll get over the craving hump and I actually have no desire........Then a pipe under the house will break or Someone dies.... just anything real stressful and without a second thought I'm back smoking saying to myself, hey I'll just quit again right? YEAH RIGHT !! Every time it seems harder and harder. Oh well I guess I'm done babbling. When I wake up tomorrow I am gonna ask God to please help me not smoke today.  I wish everybody who is also fighting this fight the best of luck and lets do it together just for One day! God bless you all! Have a great night. JimG  
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