Hi, so I am a 13 year old girl and i have a lot of symptoms of social anxiety. For just under a year now I have thought I have had social anxiety (sorry about my grammar) but I just want a bit more guidance as to wether I do or don't and a bit of help as I find it very hard to talk to people about it therefore I haven't really told anyone.
Since I was very young, I remember my mum just labelled me a shy (which is true) but recently I have been wondering if it was Social Anxiety even then! I remember crying whilst going into school for a long time and pretending to be ill to my mum just so I didn't have to go to a party or to my friends house or to a youth club. I also never really spoke much as a kid which didn't help. Now i am older, I have thought that perhaps its not what you would call 'normal' and so I really want an answer. I suspect it is social anxiety but I would really want to know if it's just being a teenager or something. Some symptoms that I have are:
Clammy hands when I speak in front of the class to answer a question.
I avoid putting my hand up in school.
I have a fear of being judged.
If I am out with my family or friends for some reason then I always make them be quiet as I don't like people staring if they are too loud so I tend not to hang out with people with loud voices.
I avoid going into town at all costs!
When my family go on day trips and I come too, I always fell really ridiculous and like everyone else doesn't do what we are doing and stays at home and that we are being really weird by going outside.
I always carry a mirror on me and sort out my hair to make sure it's okay.
My throat is getting tight right now and my heart is beating faster as I am thinking whether or not to post this and if I am just being stupid.
I always plan words in my head for registration and for answers in class if we have to say something.
When talking to someone I don't know very well i go really red and go clammy everywhere, especially on my hands and sometimes I get a headache.
I shake all the time but only on some days.
Usually I sit at the back of the class in the corner so nobody is sitting behind me otherwise I feel really self conscious and also at lunch or on the school field i always make me friends sit in the corner with me.
I lie about going somewhere else if my friends invite me to the cinema or to Costa (it's a British coffee shop) as i am too afraid to go.
My heart suddenly starts racing for stupid things such as putting the register at the office or a situation when I have to talk to someone new.
I get the bus home everyday and I count my money several times before and sometimes get others to check if it's the right amount.
I go red and really clammy and sweaty if I am called upon in class.
Also I get afraid of saying things in front of my own FAMILY! (Who even does that?!) Incase they judge but they are lovely and they wouldn't.
Sorry that was so long but I just want to go into a lot of detail so hopefully someone can help to recognise if I do or do not possibly have social anxiety. Also, I realised that if I see someone walking on my side of the street that I know or who looks a bit intimidating I keep my head down and cross over in fear that they will judge me and also keep my head down when walking past people. I absoloutly hate whatever this is if its Anxiety or just being a teenager. I don't know but some days I feel way more anxious than other days and if I look on Instagram sometimes I realise how prettier, nicer and more sophisticated everyone else is and then I, kind of not have what I would call a panic attack, but I go really shaky and get really really anxious and self conscious and think how weird I am compared to everyone else my age.
Whatever this is, it is stopping me from doing something I have always dreamed of doing, making Youtube videos as I fear that people will judge me for talking to myself even though my dad has told me I should make them if I want. I have tried before when everyone else in the house has gone out but I just get really anxious and feel ridiculous taking to myself.
I always think people are watching me and judging me. I even think people have put cameras in my posters and are watching what I do in my bedroom and when I was about 8 I thought that my idols back then, Daniel Radcliff, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint were watching my every move from the sky and were judging; it's silly when i think about it now but I was terrified back then.
Please help if you can. I don't know what to do anymore, I think I am going mad. Fell free to share your experiences as well.
Can anyone help or even guess at a diagnosis? Is it social anxiety?
Thanks to the moon and back for reading, it means so much xx