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The Selfish Spouse/Relative
" The great danger for family life, in the midst of any society whose idols are pleasure, comfort, and independence, lies in the fact that people close their hearts and become selfish," John Paul II.
This online show with Dr. Fitzgibbons on the origins and healing of selfishness may be helpful to you, www.lhla.org/tv-shows/14491-HELP-My-Spouse-is-Selfish.html.
Selfishness has been described as one of the major enemies of married love and of love within the family. This description is psychologically correct because selfishness, while falsely appearing to have many benefits, actually turns the person in upon himself/herself, thereby interfering with healthy self-giving which is essence of marital love. Subseqently, this personality weakness creates significant pain and suffering in marriages and families. It is a major cause of marital anger, permissive parenting, addictive behaviors, infidelity, separation and divorce. Unless it is uncovered and addressed, selfishness will lead spouses to treat loved ones as objects and not as gifted persons.
This video segment describes the present cultural conflict of selfishness harming marriage, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juY0wNNVODw .
Selfish behaviors in-laws are often manifested as a tendency to control or to ignore important needs of a marriage such as helping the family after the birth of a child.
Selfishness has also contributed to the worldwide epidemic of out-of-wedlock births, cohabitation, sexually transmitted infections, increased incidence of psychiatric disorders in children and adults, and the coming demographic winter,www.demographicwinter.com.
The recent book, The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement (2009) by psychologists Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell, should be required reading in marital enrichment programs, in precana programs and in high schools. Spouses, parents, educators and clergy would benefit from this expose of the severe damage being caused by narcissism to western culture.
Jean Twenge's 2007 study of almost 17,000 college students revealed that two thirds of them scored high on a measure of narcissism which was an increase of 30% over the past twenty years. Dr. Twenge commented that narcissistic people are more likely to have romantic relationships that are short lived, are at greater risk for infidelity, lack consistent emotional warmth, exhibit game-playing and dishonesty and manifest overly controlling and violent behaviors. These behaviors in young adults are often fostered by a highly prevalent permissive parenting style.
The recognition of the character weakness of selfishness is a struggle for most people. Fortunately, selfishness can be identified and resolved through hard work, growth in a number of virtues, particularly generosity and self-denial, and faith when appropriate. Unfortunately, many spouses and children develop a sense of superiority and pride from their selfishness which blocks their willingness to address this serious personality weakness.
Selfishness Checklist
http://www.maritalhealing.com/conflicts/selfishspouse.php
Please answer by identifying the appropriate number which applies to you and to your spouse using this scale on the following selfishness checklist:
This online show with Dr. Fitzgibbons on the origins and healing of selfishness may be helpful to you, www.lhla.org/tv-shows/14491-HELP-My-Spouse-is-Selfish.html.
Selfishness has been described as one of the major enemies of married love and of love within the family. This description is psychologically correct because selfishness, while falsely appearing to have many benefits, actually turns the person in upon himself/herself, thereby interfering with healthy self-giving which is essence of marital love. Subseqently, this personality weakness creates significant pain and suffering in marriages and families. It is a major cause of marital anger, permissive parenting, addictive behaviors, infidelity, separation and divorce. Unless it is uncovered and addressed, selfishness will lead spouses to treat loved ones as objects and not as gifted persons.
This video segment describes the present cultural conflict of selfishness harming marriage, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juY0wNNVODw .
Selfish behaviors in-laws are often manifested as a tendency to control or to ignore important needs of a marriage such as helping the family after the birth of a child.
Selfishness has also contributed to the worldwide epidemic of out-of-wedlock births, cohabitation, sexually transmitted infections, increased incidence of psychiatric disorders in children and adults, and the coming demographic winter,www.demographicwinter.com.
The recent book, The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement (2009) by psychologists Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell, should be required reading in marital enrichment programs, in precana programs and in high schools. Spouses, parents, educators and clergy would benefit from this expose of the severe damage being caused by narcissism to western culture.
Jean Twenge's 2007 study of almost 17,000 college students revealed that two thirds of them scored high on a measure of narcissism which was an increase of 30% over the past twenty years. Dr. Twenge commented that narcissistic people are more likely to have romantic relationships that are short lived, are at greater risk for infidelity, lack consistent emotional warmth, exhibit game-playing and dishonesty and manifest overly controlling and violent behaviors. These behaviors in young adults are often fostered by a highly prevalent permissive parenting style.
The recognition of the character weakness of selfishness is a struggle for most people. Fortunately, selfishness can be identified and resolved through hard work, growth in a number of virtues, particularly generosity and self-denial, and faith when appropriate. Unfortunately, many spouses and children develop a sense of superiority and pride from their selfishness which blocks their willingness to address this serious personality weakness.
Selfishness Checklist
http://www.maritalhealing.com/conflicts/selfishspouse.php
Please answer by identifying the appropriate number which applies to you and to your spouse using this scale on the following selfishness checklist:
:-)) thanks for the input. You bring up some good points :-))
I think the study was a bit unfair. College students are still so young! I wouldn't call where they are in life narcissism but rather where young people are at that age. As I watched my children in their college years, I was rather happy they were a bit narcissistic. I am happy they did not have to grow so fast and miss that part of life. It is a time to be self centered. Now had it continued as they got older? We would have had some private talks but that didn't happen.
And who decides what self centered is for these young people? The ones I know may be narcissistic but involved in the universe as a whole. This young generation is more apt to becomes involved in fighting for equal rights and more involved in other nations and their thought process. But we want to call it self centered because they want the latest jeans or the trip to Europe or the spring break fling?
No, I will take the younger generation. They seem to be much healthier emotionally than previous generations. They don't endure a marriage but live it. They don't drop babies because some church tells them to do it. They stand up for themselves and are very vocal about the rights of others.
And who decides what self centered is for these young people? The ones I know may be narcissistic but involved in the universe as a whole. This young generation is more apt to becomes involved in fighting for equal rights and more involved in other nations and their thought process. But we want to call it self centered because they want the latest jeans or the trip to Europe or the spring break fling?
No, I will take the younger generation. They seem to be much healthier emotionally than previous generations. They don't endure a marriage but live it. They don't drop babies because some church tells them to do it. They stand up for themselves and are very vocal about the rights of others.
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