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Avatar universal

Am I crossing over boundaries as a step mom?

I'm a divorced stay at home mother of 2. My kids don't see their dad because he lives in a different state. My boyfriend has 2 kids as well and he has 50/50 custody with baby mama. Our schedule is every other week we get the kids. When the kids are with us I am the active parent, my boyfriend works 6 days a week and goes to school part time. His kids don't respect me and baby mama is constantly telling them that they don't have to listen to me and that they should be mean to my kids. I've tried talking to her so we can be on the same page. My boyfriend told me not to believe her because shes very manipulative. That being said we had an issue pop up this past week with his oldest. She had lied and as a punishment I wanted to ground her for 2 days. That means no tv, no games, no sweets or get to participate in any fun activity. She got in trouble on a Thursday, that evening her and her brother had plans to go with their mom due to a special even for their mother. Normally they go with her on Sunday. Anyways I explained to my boyfriend that they kids should go with their mother for the special event but since its our week his daughter should come back in the evening and do the punishment with us so we know happening. Well rather discussing it with me he talked to baby mama and told her that his daughter is grounded for lying. Baby mama "agreed" to carry out the punishment t her house. When I asked him how does he know its being carried out he responds with "she sounds sincere". Am I missing something here?!?! One min she a manipulative ***** that cant be trusted and now shes honest.... All I want is for the kids to start respecting me and doing their punishment time. I dont think its right that I co parent with my boyfriend yet i dont feel like i am co parenting with him. I feel like Im their nanny.....   please help me some one.
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Avatar universal
A couple of things. Punishment does not earn respect. You failed to mention how old your children are so it hard to ***** whether the punishment fits the crime and the age. If it is your punishment then oversee it when the child is at your house. It can wait a day or a week if necessary. Breath and let go. You can control nothing but yourself. Unless the child is showing signs of serious psychological dysfunction, relax. You will never win with the ex. It is unnatural unless she wants same. The best advice I ever read regarding step parenting is that your only job is to facilitate a relationship between the children and their father. It is often thankless and unnoticed. But if you set the bar low good things may eventually come.
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