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My boyfriends teen daughter gets under my skin, what do I do?

My boyfriend has a young teen daughter who lives with him most of the time. He was awarded full custody though mom did not fight it. She is living 6 hours away so only sees her during the summer and on holiday breaks. He also has a grown daughter who does not live with him. Both girls have a lot of emotional problems and anxiety. Both take meds for this but no therapy. The younger is very clingy to me and wants me to be her mom. She even tells people I am her mom or asks them if she looks more like me or her biological mother. She calls me every night to talk. I have two other kids of my own and this is hard for them as she takes up or tries to take up a lot of my attention. Both are very manipulative to their Dad and when he stands up to them he later feels bad and is overly sweet. His oldest is very irresponsible and he pays for a lot of her things. His youngest (a teenager) throws tantrums like a toddler with a pouty face and baby talk included. I am not sure I can handle this. Plus we will need to build an addition to make room for my kids. His oldest wants to move home but she isn’t because there is no room (without me living there). He also cares for his elderly father. He has been putting off renovations and not talking about them. I think he is nervous his older daughter will be upset he is doing it for me and not her to move in. He never wants to make them upset. He left his ex wife and feels guilty because it hurt them. He now bends over backwards to cater to them while trying to also stand up because he knows I am not ok with their behavior. I am not sure whether to put off moving in and hope things change (I am insisting his younger daughter needs therapy) or to maybe throw in the towel on this. I love him very much, he is a great man and we have a ton of fun together.
1 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
Sorry, this is a long past due response. I have to be honest, if she is a young teenage daughter and you don't get along with her, I'd move on from the relationship.  She already has a situation in which one parent lost custody which is a loss to a child.  She needs peace and a comfortable home.  And a non distracted dad by someone that is not in love with his daughter.  She's likely a true pistol at that age.  I have teenage boys and lordy, I never imagined how hard it would become during the teenage years.  My sweet, adorable boys have become grumpy, non cooperative teenagers!  Grrrrr.  And I love them dearly and have my moments in which I want to lock them in their rooms.  The man SHOULD bend backwards to cater to his children as they are his number one responsibility in life.  We have a short time to parent.  18 years goes really fast.  I would NOT move in.  Date him until she's off to college or moved out and then live with him.  It's hard.  I dated someone with a child as well.  At some point, if you can't love the kids too, then it's not going to work.  good luck
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