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Avatar universal


Hi, My 3 year old daughter is very defiant and spirited. she is incredibly loving and very sweet but says no all the time, is very demanding and negotiates constantly. I am aware this is partially her age but on top of this I am almost 6 months pregnant and my new baby's father has just moved in with us so I am sure she is going through a lot. Until recently I felt she was handling all of those things very well but she truly loves my new partner who I have been with for a year and a half and she has known for a year but she often tells him "I love you Mike" and sometimes at a push he will respond with I love you too but more often that not he will not respond to this and change the subject. This worry's me greatly for her stability and when I question him about it he says "I am not going to allow her to manipulate me the way she does you. This is an incredibly hard situation for me as he wants me to discipline her more but although I agree she can be very bratty at times I do not think this is the moment to come down too hard on her. I do oftern tell her if she continues I will put her in her room with no tv and often she continues and I go ahead and do this but he thinks I should not spend so much time putting her to bedd telling stories, singing songs, giving cuddles and I disagree. Please help me understand how to do the best by my daughter right now and how to make my partner understand his love and patience is neede towards her at this moment
3 Responses
134578 tn?1517087675
You might go with your boyfriend and see a family counselor, and talk about his judgement of how you treat your daughter.  Since you are pregnant by this guy, the two of you have to work out some ways that he can stop being judgemental of your childrearing approach.  He will probably find when the baby is his that he feels differently about you giving lots of time to the baby than he does about you giving time and love to your daughter, and maybe he will get that it is normal to nurture a child.  But it would be good to see a counselor together too.
ps - don't push him on the issue of saying "I love you."
Avatar universal
You said it yourself your child is very defiant negotiates constantly and demanding...to an outsider that simply sounds like a child who doesn't do what is normally expected of a child her age, doesn't listen or respect your words of direction or authority and who is emotionally anxious and attached to your attention...you want your boyfriend to have instant loving feelings towards a child you said is difficult to be around...and it seems (I may be wrong) she may be saying "i love you" during a discipline moment to get away from the discipline and he doesnt feel he should play into it....I could be wrong but his response to you infers that. I can promise you if putting her to bed takes longer than 15-20  minutes at the most she is doing it to take time away from you and him alone time...she knows you are going to bed with him and she wants to delay that as much as possible...I know this from older step kids who have voiced why they drag out bedtime because it signals an end to time with you and only time with your partner and yes as cute as kids are they will do things to take away alone time for you too....that may be his issue with the bedtime...not that you are a good mom putting your kid to bed but it likely taking an hour of your time after which you may be even more tired had it not taken so long
also often telling a three year old something and the child not changing unacceptable behavior means your means of discipline isn't working...try timeout or loss of other toys or privileges she likes or an earlier bedtime and explain why this is happening she sounds like a very smart young girl to understand bratty behavior is not ok and is not tolerated...Im telling you get this in check now because she WILL ramp up the behavior when the new baby is born...disciplining her doesnt mean you dont love her it means you love her enough to be tough so she doesnt have future problems with the new baby and in school she understands healthy boundaries and rules and knows how to follow rules...write it down use pictures find some videos about behavior consequences that are out there for cartoons

set up a schedule for her with fun stuff so when she acts out she will have to miss on fun stuff and use that to curb away bratty behavior such as tantrums crying yelling etc
Avatar universal
and saying I love you needs to be natural let it happen he has a lot to process too new home new baby new life no more quiet time new rules a child who is difficult and again a new one on the way....he needs to grow up a bit and nicely say thank  you to your daughter and understand she is just a child and an i love you is gift to not ignore it completely
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