I am no doctor, nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn last night.... but I do have an opinion concerning what you are going through.
I have certainly felt as if I was losing control of my future before, recently in fact. It's a scary feeling and will lead to anxiety. I've had an obnoxious boss as well. This person had a split personality and I never knew what boss I was going to be dealing with at any given time. This person made me uneasy in my own skin for far too long and that probably was the root cause of my work related anxiety.
I'd suggest you see your physician and spek to him/her about anxiety and depression disorders. I've recently done this and it as changed my life!!! I was a bit too macho for far too many years and I finally decided to get some help. Now I wish I would have done this 15 years ago.... I lost out on so much life.
Today I take a couple of meds, eat a good diet, and get plenty of exercise. Exercise used to be painful for me too but I've pushed through that. Exercise is part of my routine all week.... that, the meds and diet combined with therapy have done wonders.
Read some Deepak Chopra books. I thought I'd never buy into stuff like that, but he breaks down things that are on a meta-physical level to an understandable level and I've found it all a bit enlightening. He deals with dealing/ coping on a daily basis in his writings. I havent any titles available at the moment, but he is everywhere...
Thanks for the Author name!
I'm looking for drug free ways to deal with this, as it is this 'new' environment (job from hell and bad economy) that is the cause. Humans are only made to take so much, we are mammals, not robots. In my case, drugs would only be a band aid.
I hear ya. Look, I suffer from a depression disorder that used to be all consuming. With some therapy and a bit of reading in regards to my diagnosis, I have learned ways to push on and realize that some things are just out of my control.
I think almost everyone has been in an employment situation that was less than ideal. It's uncomfortable, and really isnt the way to get by. After a bit of reading, I discovered that it wasnt necessarily the situation itself but more of how I percieved the situation.
I've read 2 Deepak Chopra books and a few articles from the man. He basically prophecizes along the lines of the buddhist religion.... (I'm not a religious person and never thought I'd buy into this stuff) Basically what he says is, for every situation there are numerous perceptions. In your case, you dont have a good feeling about the pushy, arrogant boss. His style lacks professionalism or any compassion..... there is someone in the office who might see things a bit different. What you see as a complete debacle, another may take it for it's worth and take something from every interaction with this boss.
You mentioned being a "robot". Man, do I ever understand that. My previous profession was very repetitious.... day after day, same old routine. (I was in the bar and nightclub business for 18.5 years....) Watching people drink their lives away, people crying in their beer, starving musicians trying to squeek out a living, waitresses trying to feed and care for a kid on minimum wage, numerous fist fights (which I kind of used to enjoy...great way for me to work out a bit of agression)... every day, same old song and dance. Looking back, there was a lot to learn there. First off, my life didnt seem so bad in comparison to some of these people. Yeah, the work hours stunk and it took me away from my wife and kids, but the money was good and really the work was not that laborious. Secondly, having worked for a tyrant and 2 different managers before I got promoted to the G.M. position, I had a far better management style by combining all 3 perspectives from which I learned.
I did go through a time where everything was crumby, but it was because I allowed it to be. With all of the bad things I mentioned above, there were a lot of good things that far outweighed the bad. I met a lot of really good people! True people... the kind that would do anything for you. I met people who made my life seem better in comparison. I met contacts that benefitted me later in life.
In closing, most things are a matter of how you take them. Although your current situation is less than desirable, there are a few good things. At least you have a job in this crappy economy.... (I know that sounds petty, until you dont have a job.)
Breathing techniques, reading some Deepak, talking a couple of short walks a day, a good cup of coffee/tea/gatorade... anything to get a break will help put things back in perspective. Take your time and think of all of the things you have to be greatful for. They are there.... sometimes it doesnt look like it, and I dont want to sound cliche. There is good there, and just let that happen. You can only control you, and you can only control now. The past is out of cour control, it already happened and you cant change it, therefore we cant dwell upon it.
Good luck man, and check Deepak out. Maybe he'll put you on a brighter path like he did me.
By the way, I thought that drugs of being just a band aide as well. Bottom line is, if it works, it works. Dont be afraid of an anti depressant/anti anxiety med. Drop the stereo-type.....
Right when I got started trying to fix me, someone told me that if talking to a paper plate made me feel better, talk to the paper plate! Whatever works, ya know.
(For the record.... I am kind of a red neck. I am a big guy, bald, tattooed, drive a big truck, hunt, fish, go jeeping/mudding..... not really the kind of dude you'd expect to be reading philosphy books based on the buddhist religion. Once I dropped the "hippy" stereo-type and picked up a book and talked to a therapist, I slowly began to feel better. Then, feeling better came in bigger chunks.)
It's all doable man. All that is necessary is for you to step up, seek help, and do a bit of homework. And in the end, youre going to be a better person. You'll be better when you can look back and see where you were in comparison to where you are and where youre headed.
Bad experiences can be a learning experience, I agree. Remember that redneck song..........."you can take this job and shove it....." LOL! Thats what this place is like. But I know you cant do that sort of thing, because people know people.
The future outlook is just so bleak, I avoid the news now, nothing good to hear. I try to live a simple small town life with a small house, that helps vs people that live beyond there means. Tried zoloft in the past, it wasnt for me, was worse. I'll have to get my redneck self to the book store - i'll read it, but not converting! Been on Mt Antero (Col) in a modded CJ7.
I totally agree with your stance on the news. I'd love to see just one damn news broadcast that was nothing but positive things. It isn't going to happen anytime soon. It just doesn't sell many papers or advertisement slots....
Maybe you can try this exercise. Forget the news, cause really it is a bummer. But in real life... at the coffee shop, the grocery store, post office, on the street, at work...everywhere, just look for people doing small things that potentially have a positive impact. "Old school" manners types of things like holding the door for someone, people saying please and thank you... just folks helping folks.
I am not saying it's prevalent, but it is out there and it's things like that that have given me a bit of hope.
As for meds, theres a bunch out there. Its critical to talk with a health care professional to get a proper diagnosis and get on the right stuff. I did, and it changed my life. I didnt see the positive in anything..... I made myself miserable and eveyone around me miserable. I got diagnosed, got a second opinion, started seeing a therapist who again diagnosed me with the same thing, then got on some meds....
Help is where you find it, my friend. Each day is a new one. Thinking positive just may manifest positive things..... if something less than positive occurs, look it over, embrace that it happened, learn from what happened, take that learning experience for a positive and move on.
As for converting..... that aint going to happen, but some of the reading is pretty informative.
Get ahold of me on this thing and I'll try to help you out.... dont know what I can do, but sometimes a sounding board is what one needs...