I'm so frustrated with just about everything. I'm an OCD cleaner among other things, but cleaning plays the most prominent role. My vacuum died and I went into an extreme, deep depression. I didn't know what to do with myself - I felt lost. When I finally had the money to buy another one, it was like unicorns, rainbows, and lollipops. But I always seem to get the faulty products. I'm so sick of having to return or exchange things. I have better things to be dealing with. For example, my paternal aunt is dying from Lou Gherig's disease. I'm sad and all, but I can't fathom what it's like for her daughters, husband, mother, or sister and my dad. This side of the family refuses to talk about anything. They remain ... stoic (I suppose is the nicest way to put it).
I'm dealing with long term goals, multiple mental illnesses, physical stuff, "age 23" stuff, deep seeded issues I was never allowed to deal with, so here I am ... 23 years later trying to catch up on what's going on now but also trying to maintain my sanity of what has happened in the past. There are family issues, financial issues, work issues, school issues, personal issues, relationship/friend issues, ugh ... it just goes on and on. I can't handle it!!! I'm SOOOO tired of always having things like this dumped on me. And it's seriously one thing after another. I'm breaking out because of my period, and then I get an ulcer in my mouth, then I get a yeast infection, or some other physical ailment. And what's ironic about it is that none of this stuff happened to me when I was young and naive. They started when someone told me about their own experience. Bizarre, eh?
Anyway. I got a turntable for my birthday, back in February. I've been waiting to get an amplifier to use it, because despite what it says about having a built in amplifier, it doesn't. But it worked ... it turned on and spun around to play vinyl. Since then, it has just been sitting around until Radio Shack had a sale and I got a receiver. The speakers were difficult and confusing, but NOW, my turntable won't even turn on.
I have about a five second memory span. I go completely blank if I don't squeeze in what is in my head. It's not just verbal or written - I have left things in my microwave for a long time and I try to estimate how long it has been. I go into a state of catatonia and I "wake up" not knowing where I am, what I'm doing, how long I've been doing it, etc. I told my friend I need a live in nurse. And he thought I was joking, but I am totally serious. I cannot take care of myself. I'm only 23 ... life shouldn't be this difficult.
Vision ... it's going and they don't know why. A lot of what stresses me out is the speed on my life. I'm going blind but the optometrist, ophthalmologist, neurologist ... they've confirmed that everything is healthy but they can't figure out why my vision is rapidly decreasing. And it's not just vision. Basically, I'm as healthy as I can be, but I have these symptoms that are unfathomable. I don't know what to do about it because it's frustrating hearing, "I'm sorry ... blah, blah, blah" or even bothering with trying to search for an answer. Honestly, I'm just letting it go. It's too stressful, too time consuming, and too expensive to dive into when I already know the answer.
Family situation. Ugh. The biggest pain in my butt. I don't even think I can get into it. Thinking about it is giving me a headache. If anyone wants to join my whining party, send me a message.