I really feel the confusions in you. I also had a stroke on the very first of dec. I actually thought I was caught off guard. But not really....although after thinking back...I already over saw all the syntoms coming to me. I just didn´t mind it because I used to be capable of doing many things like superwoman. I´m also someone who could make people feel good when they´re feeling very low....then when the stroke happened to me everything just changed. I became very vulnerable always scared that it will come to me again. I suddenly need all the people around me and expect them to do the same thing as i did to them before.... you see the fact is we can´t really expect so much from everybody now....specially when we are on this situation because they are not standing on our shoes..... they can´t feel our griefs....our emotions are far from those people who had been active just like us before.....
try to see a psychologist and just go on talking to people....it won´t harm you.... everything happened for a reason right...be brave.... that´s is actually the most important word to us now..we are lucky we are still alive... we can still make a difference.....so just hold on to it. Hope this will help you give a little shade of green light today.
most psychologists have very little experience with stroke victims and you might be better off without them. it feels something better to know other people who weather the depression that clouds almost everything we do. the lucky to be alive can be disturbing when you are not what you used to be. being only part alive is distressing and feeling that you will never be the same as before can really tear at your heart strings.
one source that i am reminded of---when it comes to being in severe trouble is a book every stroke victim might read. "Mans Search for Meaning", by Victor Frankyl tell us when we reach the bottom of our hole, the only thing we can change is our attitude toward whatever is afflicting us. the book is a relatively short one and is hard to put aside. whenever we are experiencing something we cant change--the only thing we can deal with is how we bear the cross. much like Jesus. read the book and we can start some discussions about it. hatch
I understand completely; including the problem with working. I had multiple TIAs. I'm also a nurse. I was depressed anyway and thank God I did not become more depressed. A therapist may help somewhat, but in conjunction with a psychiatrist. Antidepressants can help. I also take a tiny dose of seroquel with the antidepressant and that helps immensely. The most scary thing for me is that I still work. I have to be very careful and I think things over before I do them. Thank God I am not a trauma nurse. My mind also is jumbled alot of the time, especially when I am stressed.
Don't forget that you did not do this to yourself.
I like the idea of the book. I'm going to read it. It can't hurt.