my little boy dies 11 days ago he was exactly a month... i know it doesnt sound quite right.. but at least u still have his brother... i share your pain you strong mommmy... it hurts so bad he was my only son and im only 20 so i know i have another chance but i dont want another baby i want my joshy back.....
I am so so sorry, no mum should have to go through this.
Talk to your Dr/health visitor to arrange counselling and also see if there is any way you can have an apnoea monitor for Paul's brother so you are not living in fear of it happening again.
Grief counseling is very useful, don't overlook it if there is a group in your area. I am so sorry for your loss.