I hate it

[heaarrtt]

I want to die. I don't even know why my life isn't that bad. I've changed so much in the past year I get so nervous and I can't walk properly when I'm on my own I slouch and just walk really intimidatedly. I think I could have anxiety or something. I have liked a boy since I was about 6 (I'm 15) although it was always just a crush. We've been out loads in the past few years and he told me he wanted to marry me (we've been close since we were little) and I can't get over him he's the one person I can be me around and it hurts so much not being with him. I've come to the point where I just want to meet an older guy have sex with him and get it all out of the way. I just hate everything I get angry all the time I make myself sick whenever I'm down, and my sister suspected it and said if she ever finds out I did something like that shed make my life he'll (she had anorexia) I just don't see a future without him. I just can't see past the dark. It's horrible I don't want to kill myself though because of the chance it won't work and the guilt on
my family but when I'm in the car I sit forward and stare at the cars just hoping one will turn
off and hit the car, killing me but no one else. I just can't do thus anymore.

[freddie8605]

I'm sorry you are going through that. Have you got someone you can talk to like a doctor or family or friend? cos i think you should tell someone what is going on for you. so you can get help and can get out of the hell.

[heaarrtt]

*hell