I need some advice..

[cookieshaw]

I have been depressed for as long as I can remember. When I was younger, I was abused, messed with, and neglected by my father. Ever since then, I've had this hatred (more like a fear) towards men. Everyday at school, I'm all alone. I sit by myself, I have no friends. I don't mean to push them away but they tell me that they don't want to hang out with somebody who bums them out all the time. In October, my best friend (the only one I ever loved so much) killed himself because he was being bullied. I was torn... I didn't know what to do. I cry every day, I've tried to kill myself before, and I wound up in a psychiatric hospital. Everybody at school found out and now I hear al  these remarks like "Don't make her upset, she'll swallow a whole bottle of pills again." Or "Do you see her scars, what an emo." Those don't really bother me that much, but they still have a little bit of an effect. The thing that really hurts me is that I constantly get emails saying "just kill yourself, nobody will miss you. Every body hates you. Just die already" I started cutting. People call me fat, I started throwing up. And here I am, 80 pounds and five foot one. I constantly have panic attacks when I'm at school, I'm lost. I'm not safe, hated, and I need help. I need advice on how to handle my depression and deal with the bullying....

[Dolphinleiker]

I guess you can say its normal for what your going through but hurting yourself is never the answer. Unfortunately bullying is not a new concept but for commericalization it is. Bullying is not ok but I know there is not much that can be done unless your parents step in and do something. Do your parents know that you are being bullied at school and what these kids are saying to you. I know it's hard but they do need to know otherwise its just going to get worse and talk to your doctor about upping your dose or changing to another kind of antidepressant.

[cookieshaw]

I was taking celexa for depression, but it just made me feel worse. I'm also taking birth control because my parents said it'd help with my mood swings,  they are trying to see if I'm bipolar or not. I've tried to explain it to my parents but they don't quite get it. I feel as if they think I'm being dramatic, so I don't talk to them. I tried talking to my counselor but she just told me that what  i felt was normal and she sent me back to class. I'm hoping that this will give me some kind of comfort and maybe will give me the sense that it's not bad to feel what I feel.

[Dolphinleiker]

Wow, I'm so sorry you having to deal with all of that. That last thing you need is to be bullied for what you have done its in the past. I know that easier said then done I have been there I burn myself I used to be bullied or teased as a kid even by my own siblings. Have you tried to talk to any one besides you friend. What about family, therapists, or a teacher you trust?
    I'm glad your speaking out that's good don't keep it bottled up it will just get worse. Have you been on any antidepressants or anything like that? What meds are you currently taking? I seriously hope and pray that you get the help you need here and if not here then somewhere.   Just remember you are not alone there are people here that understand and they want to help you.