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I think something's wrong with me mentally

So a few weeks ago I turned 14 ever since then all my past memories keep flashing and popping up. I've been traumatized ever since my dad died when i was 9 and a few days after that I literally saw my mom have sex with a different man in our house when she thought I was asleep. I don't feel any close bond to her at all anymore.

I want to be a counselor when I grow up so I have the need to always help people with their situations and make new friends quickly but there are days where I don't feel 100% happy. I'd get extremely depressed and suicidal and I try to isolate myself because nobody ever tries to help me and its funny because I'm the one always helping others.

I'm often very cheerful although its fake joy that I just use to cover how broken I am. I can't keep the act on for too long and then I break down completely no matter where I'm at its like I've lost touch of reality and i'm in my own world. I can hear people but I won't really understand what their saying or I would even recap my most hated memories with every little detail included even down to the exact dialogue.

I don't know what's wrong with me or if something's even wrong with me but I just want help...so that's the question, Is something wrong with me?
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20632981 tn?1503691167
I don't claim to have the answers you're looking for, but my heart goes out to you. My childhood was very hurtful at times, most of the time, and as an adult, I'm still dealing with those scars. The only thing I can offer you is the best thing anyone could offer, prayer. When the battle seems endless don't give up. You have a purpose in life, God bless you, young man.
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