Need help with servere depression?

[crazypyocalover]

Hi,
My name is Jen(not real name). I am 17. I have had depression for 3 years now. It seems that each year, it get worse. When I was 15, I started starving myself for long periods of time. When I was 16, I starved myself multiple times, started writing suicide notes, and collecting medicine. Now I am 17 and I have starved myself, cut, wrote suicide notes, and overdosed twice(the 2nd time putting myself in a coma). Ive been to the mental ward at methodist & community north 4 times all together. And I have been to a long term once. I still get thoughts of death almost everyday and those other negative thoughts. I still starve myself sometimes and I still write negative things about life. I need help but i dont know how to come acrossed it. My mom is trying to get counseling through st. vincent intensive outpatient therapy but I honestly think I need more help than that. Any suggestions?

[crazypyocalover]

Thank you so much. Ill get back to you more tomorrow.

[swabes]

Hi Jen.
I honestly can't explain how much your post reminds me of myself.
For starters, take up the counselling for definate. It's a shame that things had to get so bad before you began to get the help you needed but often that's the way things work out unfortunately.
The counselling may not seem like much at the moment I know, especially when you feel the way you do but I really would suggest. I've suffered with cutting, starving and depression since I was about 13 and I'm only going for counselling now and I really would suggest doing it sooner rather than later!
Give it a go at least and if it doesn't work for you then seek help in other places. Stick with MedHelp, I'm a member of the depression community on here and I have come across some inspiring, compassionate and helpful people who have come out the other side of the things we are dealing with now. I have been on here for a few months and I can already say that my attitude has changed for the better because of MedHelp and the friends I have made on here. One thing you must realise is that you must do thing for you. It's easy to rely on your mom to get you into therapy and get you to doctors appointments etc but YOU have to be ready and willing to throw yourself into the act of getting better, you have to feel worth it. You are worth fighting for and you deserve to feel happy again as much as anybody else.

'I need help but I don't know how to come across it'
The harsh truth? Help doesn't find you, you find help! In Northern Ireland finding counselling and therapy is like finding gold dust. Grab this opportuninty with both hands and any other opportunities that come your way.
I am really sorry for what you're going through, this takes baby steps and a lot of willingness, determination and positivity but add me and I'll help as much as I can. I'm sorry no one has reached out to you until now on here, but I'm here for you all the way! I've only just started to accept the idea of getting better, of accepting that there is a life out there for me full of exciting things. There's more to life than the starvation, cutting and not wanting to be here. You deserve to be here, and don't forget it!

Best of luck, I hope you read this and stick with MedHelp!