Please help. Couldn't stop crying, shaking, punching or throwing things. What happened?

[Avianna]

Everything's been setting me off lately.  I wanna punch somebody for the stupidest little thing they do.  I haven't started anything for college because I can't bring myself to even care about my life, and last night I started crying.  But crying quickly turned into hyperventilating, hysterically crying, body tremors, and I punched my door a couple times, leaving dents in the door and cuts and bruises on my hand.  I've freaked out like this before but never this bad.  I would call it a panic attack, but I wasn't panicking.  I wasn't calm, obviously.  I just felt hopeless.  Like nothing in life would change, like all I had was drugs to turn to (I haven't used any drugs in like, 6 months, alcohol in 2).  Lately I feel like I just wanna die because life's getting so bad.  And it's not even that my situation is bad, I just can't smile or be happy.  I freaked out like this for a good hour, maybe more.  I'm 18, if that would change anything... I don't know what to do.  I'm at the end of what I can think of doing.
How do I calm down or something?

Also: has anyone ever had the problem when people want to talk to you to help you calm down, and you want to scream at them to leave but yet you want them to stay and you can't decide so you just tell them to go away?  And then the second they leave you start freaking out?

I don't know.
Thanks for any help.
I'm lost.  I don't know what to do anymore.

[Bran_Bran]

Darling I am here if you want to talk. I also am going threw a depression. I scored for sever 2 weeks ago with my councilor. I do feel very awkward talking to her. I don't know what it is I just do.

Please DO NOT attempt to kill yourself I have 5 times and everytime I attempted it became easier to attempt again. The first 4 times I only lasted under 3 minutes but the last time I lasted 20-30 minutes it scared memoir of mind I haven't attempted since though because I promised God I wouldn't it's been hard though 2 weeks ago it was crossing my mind everyday. I very often crave the warmth of the bag. I tell my self the welcoming warmth of the bag will carry me to a calm permanent sleep were no one can bug me anymore but I know that's wrong.

Please do not attempt attempting is addicting and for me I started doing it more for comfort and to feel in control.

I know you may feel no one cares I feel that way often but I have never met you and still want the best for oh and care for you.

It's my life dream to help people. I know what your going threw my brother smokes pot as well and I've been and am going threw depression.

Please feel free to message me anytime I am here for you imam about your age I am 16 so we may be able to relate and help each other.

Please feel free to message me ANY TIME you want I am here for you promise!

[FifthVoice]

Hey There,
I've been in a parallel situation and have a few thoughts I can share about some of it.
The first of them being that I know it's hard when you've dealt with a bad therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist, etc. but you really can't let it hold you back from seeking help in the future. Because there ARE good ones - you just have to find them! And sometimes it takes awhile unfortunately. But a good rule of thumb is that if you're not comfortable talking to them - and being honest when you do - that even if they are good, they won't be able to help you. Find someone you're comfortable with! And you can go though your school counselor/nurse or a youth clinic - you don't have to rely on your Mom. (She sounds like mine!!)
Also, it is very VERY common for people suffering from psychological disorders (specifically depression) to distrust doctors and medications. It seems to be the nature of the disease - You're brain lies to you, tells you to stop taking your meds, that they're not doing you any good, etc. etc. And that self-medication is the only thing you can "trust." But we all know that usually does more harm than good in the long run, of course. Good for you for holding back when your sister and dad are smoking - that takes a lot of strength.

My last thought was about sports and physical barriers. I've had that problem since I was 12 - had a very severe chronic hand injury, and have been prone to tendonitis my whole life. I got into tai chi, yoga and swimming. If you're near a community center, swimming is great. But the beauty of tai chi and/or yoga is that you can do them on your own. Get a book or DVD and you'll be all set. Plus they really help you wind-down and relax, which helps with pent up frustration of course! I'm more fond of tai chi myself because it's not a *stationary* as yoga. And it personally helped me strengthen weak areas a lot more as well (back and shoulders).
Please ask me about anything - I've been through the doctors, meds, and know what it can be like.
Best of luck to you!!

[ticked]

hmmm.  I understand.  Is there anything around you that you can go to if you took the bus?  

Its good that you are thinking of College.  :) Are you thinking about move on campus to get away?

I would for sure go to your doctor and talk to him. Let him know that you are depressed and get some antidepressents. I too am on Wellbutrin and it works great for me.

[Avianna]

Unfortunately, no.  I don't have any friends to stay with, and I don't really know any family outside of my immediate.  And I'm still in High School, and the only way I could afford living on my own was if I skipped out of college, which, in the end, would make me unable to afford most things.  I used to play many sports, but don't really due to bad shoulders/ankles/wrists.  I still skateboard and ride my dirtbike when I can, but it's getting to cold out to do either of them.  

The thing about getting into something, though, is my mom is tired of driving me places and wants me to start driving myself, though I do not have a permit.  (I keep asking her to take me, but she keeps putting it off.  We went yesterday but didn't have all the paperwork so I don't know when it'll happen again) and even if I had my own car, I wouldn't be able to even afford to keep driving it.

[ticked]

I am really sorry that your family is the way it is because you should have at least one parent you could go to.  Is there anywhere else you could stay?

My family was really messed up and I am a type of person that wants everybody happy and wants to fix everything so no one is mad. In the end I was the one that got hurt, I was looked at as the psycho, and I was the one that felt so lonely.  

I am now 33yrs old and I have chosen to cut ties from my family. It has been three years and I feel great.  I was emotionally and physically abused at home and with men my whole life and I am happy to say at this moment I truly feel free.  I let people hang off me and bring me down because they were unhappy with their lives.

Are you still in school or are you done?  Could you get a small place of your own just to get out?  do you or have you ever played sports?  

I realized that the only way to stop being depressed is to stop sitting still and alone thinking about it. Get involved in volunteer work, a sports team or a cooking class etc.

I am telling you that did a world of difference for me, plus an antidepressant.  

I am hear for you if you need someone to talk to.

[Avianna]

Yeah, female.

The sad part is I don't think much is really that bad.  I'm just unhappy.  Like, I don't have any friends so I don't really go out at all.  I'm not a part of any clubs/activities cause I don't care to be.  I'm single, so I really don't go out much cause there's no one to go out with.

My dad and my sister smoke pot and I haven't seen my brother in 2 years although I talk to him occasionally.  The smoking pot thing doesn't bother me cause I wish I could still do it too but my moms super against it and I feel the need to hold everyone up.  Like I can't vent.  I try but my mom has this way of making everything about her and making you feel guilty for even talking so I don't anymore.  

I would like to talk to a therapist but I'm conflicted that I feel as if I'm psycho or something. (My sister calls me psycho a lot, so I guess it might come from that.)  I'm not really sure.  I just know whatever it is it needs to be fixed, and I won't (can't bring myself to) come outright and ask to go, but my mother likes to pretend I'm fine and that it's just a phase and won't ask if I want to go to one.   I also get really angry really fast (I used to have one, but she yelled at me.  She wasn't good, apparently.  So I've got this thing against therapists now that I can't trust them.)  And I've got something against prescribed medication, which is weird because the thought of illegal drugs doesn't bother me.  Ugh, I don't know.  Everything's so confusing and many say it's cause I'm young but I've dealt with so much that I actually act a lot older.  (Brother in-out of jail, drugs in the family, etc)

I don't know.

Thanks.

[ticked]

Are you a female or male?  I want to say female so I am going to go with that.  

You are 18yrs old and right now life is so confusing. I have been there and I would never want to go back because I was extremely depressed thinking my world was going to fall apart.

One thing I learned is that it isnt, I learned that if you dont like the situation you are in only you can change it because it wont change itself.  

You might have a hormonal imbalance.

What is going on in your life that is so bad? Can you talk to a therapist about it?

[j17c27]

I feel a lot of what your feeling.  Irritability, hoplessness, just simply depressed.  I have been this way for year, recently I sought help.  I am now on Pristiq which helped my anxiety, but to tackle my depression now I am also going to start taking Wellburtin.  Im also in therapy.  I think you could really benefit by both...it is the most successful and effective treatment.  And about the pushing people away when they try to calm you but really wanting them to stay........story of my life! I recently lost my closest friend (my boyfriend) becuase my irritablility and lashing out became too stressful in the relationship.  You may feel lost, but you are not alone.  The reason I mentioned meds and therapy is becuase you do have some signs of depression...and maybe just talk to your doctor and see what they think.
I wish you well