What am I supposto do I want to go out so I can distract myself from thinking of killing myself but I'm not aloud out???

[Bran_Bran]

What am I supposto do??? I feel like crap not even 5 minutes ago I was sitting in my room thinking I want to live but there's no joy left
actualy here's what I wrote in my journal

- I don't want to die but the thing is there isent any joy left in my life for me! And I know everyone would say just hold on and that suicide is a permenent solution for a temperary problem but I've waited and it's only getting worse!!! I want to live I want to wait for some joy to come around but the thing is I'll be waiting forever because it ain't comming. Everytime I think "finaly some joy" somthing ruins it usualy me because I'm so dumb and annoying and not to mention embaressing! I don't know why people put up with me! I'm so stupid. I wouldent blame them if they just snaped on me one day and never talked to me again. It would be my falt and I would deserve it! I keep telling myself joy will come one day and I will make into the music bussiness and that is joy to look forward to but as much as I think I'm a good singer I guess I'm not because when ever I sing people tell me to shut that I suck! I don't really have anything to live for anymore. The only thing that has been keeping me alive are people like Karen Jeff PJ and Jonathan! God really works threw them. If I dident have them in my life I'm not sure if I would be here today cuz they are always the ones I think of when I want to end it all. Just thinking of them makes me think twice about it. I wish I could see them everyday at least one of them everyday!!! But I can't =( and ya a few people have told me I have a beautiful voice but I hear many more people way more often tell me to shut up that I suck. Singing is the one thing that I feel I'm good at but I'm starting dout that I'm even good at that!!! What do I even have to live for anymore??? I want to sing so I can help people and be a role model and cuz I know people can relate lyrics and lyrics can really help people threw hard times but what am I'm kidding! I can't help people. I only things worse! I guess it's just better off I don't. But still I'm stubbern and will continue to try and sing and hopfuly make it into the music bussiness one day. Hopfuly I don't make to many things worse!!!!

And I will probably sit here and add continue thinking about it. So I asked my Mum if I could go for a walk cuz I want to go see Jonathan (the guy I mentioned in my journal) so I can distract myself and at least try to have a good time but my Mum won't let go for a walk so I'm stuck in room thinking about how I'll never see joy again!!!!  What am I supposto do???

[leepafc2007]

Hi there dont kill yourself its not worth it your parents will miss you if you went! I tryed to kill me self a few times but never worked and I got sectioned for it! Oh if your considering doing this talk to some now before its 2 late or take yourself to the emergency department at your local hospital explain things to your parents if not the just walk out and go to the hospital straight away and tell them how your feeling please dont do it your young its nots worth it! i have tryed it so many times i dont bother doing it no more! so please dont.

[johndoe880]

I know you think no one has ever felt as bad as you do, I thought the same thing.

Life has its ups and downs.  But everything always changes.  For now, do something that you've always loved.  I've wanted to die before.  I've felt totally hopeless.  I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder years ago, I know what it's like.  Trust me, in life, the good times are worth the bad...deep down you know it too.  For now, put on some upbeat music that you love, or a TV show that makes you laugh.  Even if you can't laugh now, know that you will be able to again in the future.  Keep your head up!  Giving up won't change a thing.  Talk to your mother.  Tell her that you are seriously depressed and feel complete emptiness.  Ask her to take you to a professional.  If you don't think this will work, please go talk to someone at your school.  Confide in a teacher that you know is a good person who will see that you are helped properly.

Two more things.  First off, always remember that no matter how bad you feel, others have it worse.  There are people on this Earth that are born with fatal diseases, people who watch their families die, people who are raped, murdered, etc., and it is important to remember to be grateful for what you have.  The world is a beautiful place, and many people who would love to have your life still find a way to embrace the world with a smile.  I guarantee right now that there is a person your age somewhere, maybe not that different from you, dying in a hospital right now.  That person wishes more than anything that they could be in your shoes.  I don't say this to make you sad, I hope that you realize how lucky you are.  Bad things happen, yes...and yes, we can always think of people who are luckier than we are.  But that's not how you should live your life.  Think of all the generations of people that lived and died in such a pattern that your parents met and created you.  Realize that you were the one sperm out of countless that got to the egg first!  Love yourself!  Because you deserve to love yourself, I promise.  I don't even know you, and I love you.

And now the second thing.  Never stop singing.  Sing your heart out.  Start each day off with a song in the shower!  

I hope this helps.  Take care!  :)

[aylish28]

how about reaching out to a counsellor at your local youth mental health????

[Bran_Bran]

She wanted me to clean my room but she said I can go out today so that I will do. I did find a way to distract myself though. I started drawing my friend on an app on my iPod and prayed for help!!!

[blueboy121]

talkto your mother. convince her that you can be trusted to go out. tell her your bored out of your skull and you'll only be gone for half an hour tops (which dosn't actualy have to be true).

[Bran_Bran]

I'm already beating myself up about somthing about YouTube from earlyer it's noting inapropiate on YouTube I don't want to tell the story though

[x89rt]

watch some youtube videos of your favorite tv shows to distract yourself.