depression is confirmed, but im scared....

[mishymoshymarcy]

Hello everyone. I have posted many questions already, but nothing quite like this one. Well anyway, it was confirmed i have depression and anxiety, and my suicidal thoughts seem to be coming alot more frequently. Im scared. I have told my counsellor this but we didnt get much of a chance to talk about it because we were discussing other things. Well anyway, i did something scary just a few minutes ago and thought i should see what others think. I had those suicidal thoughts and suddeny grabbed a long ribbon and started winding it around my neck. And i wasnt aiming to kill myself, if that is even possible,(i dont why i did it actually) but i for some reason started to pull tighter and tighter each time. It got to a point where i thought if i pull anymore i will probably pass out or something. So i started struggling to get it off because it was sort of looped around my neck. I got out of it, and got a terrible fright. I was just wondering if this means anything? I mean is it that bad?? Should i be desperately asking for help, or should i just put it behind me? Im so scared?? Please i need someone to help me asap. :(

[mishymoshymarcy]

A big thanks to you both. But is it really that serious to go to the hospital, i mean it wasnt exactly a suicide attempt, but it was close enough i guess. I am just curious...and your probably right, i have thought about going on meds for awhile, but i was first going to stick with counselling and see how i go, but im not too sure aymore. The thing that triggers those types of actions in me is anxiety. Severe. I have done it a few times 2-3 at the most. The third time being the hardest. I might ask for desperate help now, before i pull even harder and well what if i cant get it off? I am glad i have you all. Thanks. Hugs

[DavidinLexington]

You should go to the hospital emergency room and explain to them how you feel and call and tell your doctor which hospital emergency room you are going to.  Do not be scared.  This will all go away in due time when they find the right med and you will not be at hospital long.  But you should be evaluated right now at the emergency room  Trust me my dear.  This will eventually be treated properly when they find the right medications that your body will respond to.  But for now you need medical care.  And remember I have no medical training and can only give experience as a patient myself.

[mishymoshymarcy]

yes i am. And thanks. Well, i guess i have asked for help, or at least i will be getting some now. How? Well, i talked to one of my teachers today about this, well 2 infact, and i didnt stop to realise that they were going to tell my co-ordinator, so well they did. And my mum got informed. The pain of her knowing about how i feel was unbearable, but i guess it could just be a really big shock. I mean its about 3 hours after i had a chat to mum  and i am still feeling terrible. There is a part of me which think it is for the better, i mean she was going to find out in the end, but i just thought that i would be the one to tell her. I wonder how the rest of my family will react, before im sure the word will spread. but i owe that teacher big time, everyone on this site, and everyone in this world who has allowed me to talk to them. You all saved my life. And of course the way i am feeling will not disappear straight away, but at least i know there is a way out. At least i think there is. However i am not 100% sure if this will be the last of me, because i may have other problems, but until then, hugs and a huge thanks!

[thatquietgirl]

Get some help.  I'd go as a walk-in, explain your situation to the receptionist, and even though you may not be able to see your regular therapist, someone should see you.  You need to get help for this.  What would have happened if you hadn't been able to get out or because you were frightened only worsened it?  As scary as it is to admit, you are a danger to yourself.