unwanted daughter

[soorosie]

My mother and I have really never had the greatest relationship. I know that by nature maybe mothers and daughters are supposed to fight like cats and dogs, but seriously? This has become most common now when I get depressed and cry on my own because I realize that throughout my 17 years of life my mother (nor anyone else in my family) has ever told me something positive, like great job or told me if they're proud of me. This June I graduated from HS, my plans were to leave the state if possible but because my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, though she's fine now I've decided to stay. Something went wrong with the college that I was originally going to attend, and now I am going to another still in the city. But my mom literally told me that she does not see me going far, I know I sleep in sometimes, but I feel like everything that I do my mom hates. I am the youngest of my sisters and its constant topic to strangers that I wasn't wanted, wasn't planned. I cry at night when I hear that because it comes from more than one family memeber, it come from all of them, my parents and my sisters. I envy my friends relationship with their mothers because they seem to be able to talk to them about anything. I've never had the luxury to do that with mine. On occasions I've thought that maybe running away or just fading away would let me forget them and the sad that they make me feel sometimes. I'm also a bit overweight and my mom always points out those flaws to me, constantly telling me what's wrong with me instead of just supporting me in things I do, like trying to change my eating and physical habits. Whenever I tell her plans she quickly tells me that I won't keep up with them and like always, never do anything right. I'm fed up with this relationship that I've had with my mom since ever. I don't want to answer her back whenever she tells me these things because I'm afraid that she'll hit me. She has never done it, but when I was younger she wasn't afraid to use the belt with my sisters. All my life I've wanted to be the one daughter that she didn't hit, and she was proud of but I'm not. I need help - can I change this around?

[magpieee]

Dear Rosie,

Reading your post, brought tears to my eyes. I can honestly really, really ,relate to everything you say. When I was 9, my parents divorced and my mother remarried very shortly to an abusive guy. Out of my 6 brothers and sisters, I was the only one who got hit. And the only one my mother didn't care for. My mother, to this day, still has nothing to do with me. I live on my own now, on the opposite side of our state, and she doesn't call, doesn't tell anyone to contact me. I know she doesn't mean it sometimes, but it's the comments and things that count towards my heart. It's hard trying to change a parent. Very hard. Especially because of their age, and how set they are in their ways. I'm sorry you're going through what you have to go through, because I know exactly how it feels. All I can say, is live your life and get out when you can. Because no one in this world wants to see you hurt, even her. Despite what she might say, despite what you may think. Our mothers really never mean to do to us what they do. I wish you nothing but the best of luck, and I'm here always if you need to talk.

[April2]

I'm so sorry I didn't see this post before. Sweetie, I'm just so sorry you feel so unwanted. Where is your dad in this picture? Do you have an aunt or other relative who could be a good role model for you? Is there someone you could stay with? Because I think the sooner you could get out of that house, the better. That house is toxic. You cannot change your mother anymore than she can change you. She has to want to change. These are her problems, not yours. The fact that she can't see and appreciate the wonderful daughter she has is sad but it shows more about her than you. Maybe she's depressed. Maybe she just doesn't know how to show love. I don't know. I don't know what her own upbringing was like.
I think for now you need to focus on you and making something of your life. You are worthy! You are a precious child of God and God Himself said that even if a mother should forget her child, He will not forget you. Isaiah 49:15. You have a comforter very near who will love you with an everlasting love even more than anyone on this earth could do.
Believe in yourself! You are worthy! You are beautiful, unique, special and one of a kind! Hold your head up and look forward. God make something of your life, not for your mother or anyone else. Do it for you! I will say a prayer for you. Keep your head up. Keep the hope. God loves you! *Hugs and blessings*
April