Dear Rosie,
Reading your post, brought tears to my eyes. I can honestly really, really ,relate to everything you say. When I was 9, my parents divorced and my mother remarried very shortly to an abusive guy. Out of my 6 brothers and sisters, I was the only one who got hit. And the only one my mother didn't care for. My mother, to this day, still has nothing to do with me. I live on my own now, on the opposite side of our state, and she doesn't call, doesn't tell anyone to contact me. I know she doesn't mean it sometimes, but it's the comments and things that count towards my heart. It's hard trying to change a parent. Very hard. Especially because of their age, and how set they are in their ways. I'm sorry you're going through what you have to go through, because I know exactly how it feels. All I can say, is live your life and get out when you can. Because no one in this world wants to see you hurt, even her. Despite what she might say, despite what you may think. Our mothers really never mean to do to us what they do. I wish you nothing but the best of luck, and I'm here always if you need to talk.
I'm so sorry I didn't see this post before. Sweetie, I'm just so sorry you feel so unwanted. Where is your dad in this picture? Do you have an aunt or other relative who could be a good role model for you? Is there someone you could stay with? Because I think the sooner you could get out of that house, the better. That house is toxic. You cannot change your mother anymore than she can change you. She has to want to change. These are her problems, not yours. The fact that she can't see and appreciate the wonderful daughter she has is sad but it shows more about her than you. Maybe she's depressed. Maybe she just doesn't know how to show love. I don't know. I don't know what her own upbringing was like.
I think for now you need to focus on you and making something of your life. You are worthy! You are a precious child of God and God Himself said that even if a mother should forget her child, He will not forget you. Isaiah 49:15. You have a comforter very near who will love you with an everlasting love even more than anyone on this earth could do.
Believe in yourself! You are worthy! You are beautiful, unique, special and one of a kind! Hold your head up and look forward. God make something of your life, not for your mother or anyone else. Do it for you! I will say a prayer for you. Keep your head up. Keep the hope. God loves you! *Hugs and blessings*
April