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Avatar universal

Anger, lying and promiscuous

Our 14 yr old daughter has always had temperTemper tantrums tantrumsTemper tantrums and told lies. We have discussed these problems with her as well as issueing punishments i.e. confiscating mobile phone or banning use of computer, grounding etc..  She can be dramatic and is attentionAttention deficit hyperactivity disorder (adhd) seeking. She has also told me on a couple of occasions that sometimes she gets really depressed.
On the positive side she is pretty, outgoing, confident,funny, slim and seems to be quite popular. She talks to me about her friends/boyfriends, we go shopping together and sometimes cinema.  
Due to her compulsive lying I started to read her chat logs on a chatroom (MSN). I know this is intrusive but i do not trust her. I have recently found that she has promiscuous tendencies although i do not think she has had sexualCauses of sexual dysfunction
Erection problems
Female sexual dysfunction
Sexual problems overview intercourseCauses of painful intercourse
Sexual intercourse - painful yet. There is evidence on there that she has engaged in sexualCauses of sexual dysfunction
Erection problems
Female sexual dysfunction
Sexual problems overview activity at the start of 2 new relationships with boys and rumours have got round at schoolPreschooler development
Preschooler test
Preschooler test or procedure preparation
School age child development
School age test or procedure preparation
School-age children development. We have talked to her about this before and she gives a convincing story that she does not agree with such behaviours and she is disgusted by other girls who have.However she jokes with her current boyfriend about what they have done outside a shop with people passing.  We are in despair that she does not listen to us, shows no remorse, frequently displays rudeness and disrespect. We  no longer know how to deal with it. Our immediate problem is how we deal with the current boyfriend knowing what we do although this will need to be resolved with future boyfriends
8 Responses
Avatar universal
Okay, first of all, DO NOT READ HER CHAT LOGS. That is an invasion of privacy, and i cant believe you did that. That is the one place that she can talk to her friends privately. Maybe you should have her talk to a therapist. Letting go of some emotions would help her instead of bottling it up. She may be mad at you at first, but she does need to talk to someone. Better it not be you, so that she does not feel embarassed, or neervous about telling you something. Please take this into consideration.
222282 tn?1210168539
im sorry but these words you are using have compleatly diffrent meanings to what you are talking about . if it is that you do have a problem then you need to understand what you are writing else you wont get help because there are a lot of kids messing about on here wasting time of people who could be really needing help but i will try ! .
however from the bits that do make sence then she does not seem any diffrent to any 14 year old girl,you will not stop her from flirting with boys and even having sex if she wishes ,its your responsibillty to ensure she understands the implications of what she is doing and that she is safe in doing so .then if she understands this she will be able to realize you are looking out for her best interests .i do not think a 14 year old should be active at all but in this world they are ,and as long as you show her respect she will respect you back  .sit them down together and discuss what they are doing and the severity of the implications legal and safety ,then discuss what their intentions are and if it is a sexual relationship then explain you do not aprove but you want them to be safe in what they do do . then make them attend family planning together .
Avatar universal
unfortunately i  posted this message in the wrong forum and thought i could just cut and paste it into the teen health forum but the result was that in the middle of my message a lot of content has somehow appeared in it which i did not write which is why it no longer makes sense. thanks for your help anyway .
Avatar universal
Hello Fran,
I can totally sympathize with your problem.  I have a 17 year old daughter that is lying/angry/and sexting.  Just found out that she had sex already.  I know that she is 17 (I have been there), but when its your daughter you want her to be on the right path, concentrate on her study to further her education.  But instead this is what we end up with.  My daughter won't be graduating with her class this year and probably won't be next year either because she is boy crazy.  My husband and I got a divorce last December and it was no surprize to the kids, they wanted us to get one.  So I don't think she is lashing out because of that.  She is just very headstrong just like her father and already wants to live her own life.  My ex and I are trying to explain to her the importance of "looking towards the future".  She of course, being a teenager "thinks she knows all".  As a result she doesn't want to talk to either of us.  So I'm just as confused as you as to what to do to help my daughter succeed in life.  I think giving your child "too much freedom"  leads to trouble....and yes that includes reading their text msgs and chats because what you don't know will hurt you and them.  Good luck and wish me some.
Avatar universal
Hello, I'm 15 and I know what it's like to be in that situation that your daughter is. Actally I'm at the awkward age that I'm still a teen but I'm also an adult. So I might use choppy seneses but you'll get it.

She proble is talking bout the sexual intercourse to get attention from others. I know this because I never had and yet I talk about boners and other stuff with myfriends. It's surprising how much I know but I could never do that. I also think that you could talk to her about it but not directly. She seams smart so if you outline it the whole will come to her on her own. Like explain the different between lust chruh inflacate and love. Those are very different. I think that no one except married coupoles should use the word love except tour God (but I'm not going to get all relegius). Pluse inflacate sound like your smart. About the fits she has, ussaly I myself do that to either get people to listen cuz I feel like they arnt or to get attention cuz I feel neglected. About those depression thoughts, I can relate to that. Do you have other kids? She may feel like you pay attion to them more than her. Also the ages of siblings can effect it. She also might feel like she can't fully trust anyone. I don't think I can trust anyone even if I want. Message me if you want to talk more. I'll be happy too.

Btw everyone tell me I should get tested for ADHD :D
Avatar universal
well its deffinately not ok to read ur daughter ims becuz not only is she sharing private info. so can her friends so ur not only invading her privacy but her friends. i understand that she has been difficult and is i beleave sexualy active if i read correctly, so u should expane how risky it is on having sex and what can happen. and sense us crazy teens never listen u should make sure she sees a  therapist that she not only likes but can confind in. also explane about being teen mom and how hard it would be if she got pregnate. even taking birth control and using condoms is only 99.99% affective, i know because my 20 year old sister is that 1%. and let her know u are there to help her and u dont have to shut her out.
Avatar universal
Ok, so first off you need to stop reading her chat logs ect. When my parents did that it really upset me and it made me stop telling them things as often. From reading this I think I know exactly what is happening. So I am sixteen, and when I was her age I was having similar problems. I was acting out, I would go from being talkative with my mom to being angry, and sometimes I would get very depressed. I used to joke around with my boyfriends too. I also have ADD which is the same thing as adhd but without the hyperactive part. I think your daughter has the same condition I have with is bipolar disorder. It's not a bad thing at all, in fact my doctor says that most teens are bipolar but show less signs of it. "Treatment" is very simple too, I take one pill every morning that will (like adhd medicine) slowly disperse over the day. Right after I started taking the medicine (lamictal) I started to feel A LOT better. I stopped getting angry, my mood swings were way less extreme, I no longer joked with my boyfriend as frequently, I stopped lying, I no longer felt depressed (in fact I started to feel more active and happy), and my favorite part, the symptoms I normally had with my period (headaches, cramping, laziness) are less intense as they used to be. I would strongly recommend that if you haven't already worked out the problems you seem to be having, talk to her adhd doctor about it and if she does have it he can prescribe medicine for it.
Avatar universal
If your child is keeping secrets from you, IT IS YOUR DUTY to read EVERYTHING she is telling people.  At 15 they have yet to earn their privacy.  Until they are 18, they are YOU.  YOU have to think for them and often act for them because they don't know any better!  Whoever tells you that you can't read their conversations with friends is downright ignorant or a teenager.  THERE IS NO PRIVACY A TEENAGER DESERVES FROM THEIR PARENT!  IF your child won't play by the rules, don't tell her what the rules are but keep an iron fist to control who and what they have access to.  Close their facebook account forever!  No good will ever to your teen by giving her constant access to other teens.  Therapy by a trusted therapist is a good idea.  Your child deserves some level of privacy, but keep in mind, once they say it online or in an email or type and send it in any way shape or form, it's no longer private and YOUR DUTY TO STAY ON TOP OF IT!  Ignore anyone who tells you that there is ANYTHING about YOUR child that you should not know.  
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