I've been through some struggles in my life like a really really stressful relationship that tore me up, and my grandpa and a good friend passing away and the daily stress of being behind in my self directed school I attend, not feeling like im good enough, dealing with certain situations and being socially awkward. everyday for as long as I can remember I've had obsessive racing thoughts. I think about almost all the same things daily or a variation of the same thing daily and thousands of thoughts race through my head at all hours of the day. Sometimes not even full thoughts, just a part of one then I jump onto another thought, then another and so on.. They sometimes don't even make sense, ill just find myself saying random sentences in my head then stopping and thinking about something else, then another completely irrelevant thought will pop in my head. I'm never not thinking or worrying about something. Sometimes they arent even thoughts, ill just find myself repeating one or two lines from songs over and over. I can not focus and have trouble remembering things, such as if someone tells me something, ill have thoughts going through my head, and almost instantly forget what they said unless I really try hard to focus because I know I need to. But even then it's not guaranteed ill Remeber. I always worry about what other people are going to think of me, that's what a good chunk of my thoughts are about, and I find that I'm just always thinking of something, every second of the day so I'm never really enjoying my day or life. I find it very hard to focus in school because I go to a school where I teach myself the work, and as soon as I try to begin, I'm Immediately flooded with a bunch of thoughts and get side tracked very easily thinking of other things. This also happens when listening to music and trying to sleep. Even during sports such as school basketball games, ny mind is elsewhere. Im still having the rscing thoughts, worrying about what people will think if i miss a shot, or just other completely un related thoughts. I cant sit still either, i seem to always be moving in some way, such as tapping my foot or fingers or shaking my knees. It's becoming really bothersome and I don't know if I can control it at all. A good way to describe it would be that i feel like I'm trapped inside my own head and I can not escape my thoughts no matter what i do. I'm very private about my feelings so I haven't told anyone about this or how I feel, I usually just bottle up whatever emotions come and act as if everything is alright. I'm not on any medications and haven't talked to any doctors about this. It's becoming a huge struggle. I also have major trust issues, I can't even tell my close friends certain things because I think it's gonna come back to get me in trouble, or other people will find out. so in turn I have trouble being straight up and honest. It sort of feels like people are just out to get me in certain situations, and always watching me, judging me for what I do.