well masturbation is perfectly normal at 14, most do it once or more a day. Its a good stress relief and helps relieve the sexual tension that would other wise build up and overpower you. If your parents are trying to repress this, they are being unrealistic. If you dad ever says he didn't do it, he is flat out lieing. There are no moral reasons to repress ourselves or our children.
Hanging out with a bad group, that is something you will have to change. Make friends with people who are better, and leave the group that is negatively impacting your life.
Make a daily scheduled time for study, it helps immensely to keep your grades up.
its not as if your parents could ever tell you 'stop doing all of that and focus on your damned studies!' its like telling you "stop growing and tell your hormones to shut it'
It is natural, you're starting to grow physically and mentally.
i agree with Donb, ditch the bad company. they'll only bring problems.
If the times you surf the net or watch pornography is longer than the time you study, and that study you just absolutely cannot handle, consider a different approach.
I know, if you study in your room with a computer looming at the foot of your bed, ready and waiting, try studying somewhere else and/or with good friends.
Just be careful and mindful about just what you watch, where you watch it, and above all else, try not to over indulge, you ARE only 14 afterall.
Actually, pornography can become addictive and harmful. I've seen it destroy families, including some friends of mine. The husband had to go into counseling. And guess what? The addiction starts in the teenage years. I see nothing good in it at all. I can't believe you guys are telling him this is normal and ok! He's only 14. He's at a very impressionable age. The whole pornography business is disgusting. It degrades women. How would you feel if this was your daughter in this business? It's not normal and it's not healthy. He's already starting to get addicted. He says he's letting it take him over and he's neglecting things like school work. It sounds to me like he's using it as a stress reliever. There are other healthy ways to relieve stress like exercise or sports.
I know I'll get ragged on by other men on here and I don't care. I've seen porno addictions ruin relationships. I see nothing good in it. Get involved in healthy relationships (not these make believe ones). Get a girlfriend. Hang out with people who will bring out the best in you, not the worst. I wish you well.
i understand your issues, and not all women feel the same as you. Men and women can enjoy it without becoming addicted, its a question of self discipline. You seem to have transference issues, im sorry about your expenses, but since it is part of our culture now moderation and control is something that needs to be learned. Your opinion that it degrades women is biased in your experiences, i have spoken with several women who have worked in the industry for a long period of time and enjoy it. In my opinion, we are almost worshiping the female body and its capabilities, how could such a thing be degrading? Well if you consider sex dirty and evil, yes, i can see that, but i hate to tell you, our culture is changing.
Transference issues? I have no idea what you're talking about. You just said that we worship the female body and what could be wrong with that? Sorry, I think that's part of the problem. We shouldn't be worshiping other human beings. As far as thinking sex is dirty, I never said that. Yes, sex can be and should be wonderful and beautiful when it's between two people who love and respect each other. People in the porn movies have no respect for themselves or each other. They are using each other. Most of these people have body image problems (mostly women just like the models) and a lot of them have eating disorders, abuse drugs, etc. They don't care about the other person. What does that teach our young kids? That they should use women for sex and not care about their feelings? That they should treat them like street walkers?
You're right, our society is changing. It's changing for the worse. I can't even let my kids listen to a lot of the radio because of the **** on the radio stations anymore. Everytime I hear the music, I'm hearing filthy language and rappers calling women w h o r e s , etc. It's disgusting. This is what our teens are listening to. Is this how you want your son to treat a girl? Or your daughter to be treated so disrespectfully?
You sat there and told a 14 year old that this was normal and expected when he's too young to be even allowed to buy this stuff! Have you forgotten that he has to be an adult to purchase this stuff? Or do you think it's ok for kids to do whatever they want as long as it makes them happy. They should just go out and have sex, do drugs, smoke, drink alcohol, whatch porn, do whatever they want. What happened to teaching morality? Or has morality gone down the toilet? Do you even have kids? I bet you'd be feeling different if you had kids of your own. I feels sorry for kids now days. They have no moral compass. I for one am trying to teach my kids to respect their bodies and respect others. I'm no prude, but I'm not going to give my kids permission to do whatever they want. That's what we parents, we adults, are supposed to do. We're supposed to guide them and teach them. We're not supposed to just leave them floundering on their own.
you have strong opinions and i respect it, but i try to deal with the reality of today, and that means dealing with the darker side of our culture.
yeah sorry, I do understand what you're going on. After all you're older than I am, and obviously have much more experience in this matter. But just as Donb stated, the world is changing, as you mentioned songs, radio, and culture have changed drastically.
This situation really depends on the person. I personally, as well as my friends, see those songs by American rappers ranting on about their bi*ches, bling and guns, completely bearable. Sure I'd want them off the radios asap, but in this day and age, we've grown up hearing that trash and taken no notice of it. It's everywhere to the point where words like that don't affect us at all.
With watching pornography, I understand that you wouldn't want him to go near it, but yeah, things change, and it's incredibly hard to stop someone now once they've been subjected to it.
Akash24, pornography is wrong, its dirty and so called 'sinful' and by now you would have learned what's right, what's wrong, and where to draw the line in this matter.
Control. Make the right decisions and don't let your indulgence go too far. Try minimizing when possible, and never, ever, let it take priority over anything else in your life. it's one of those 'little to never' things.
How sad that both of you agree that our society is darker and trashy songs, language, etc. is ok and acceptable now. So you've caved in to this like everyone else. That's the problem, everyone has stopped standing up for what's right anymore. It's just easier to cave in and accept it. If we had more people protest against these trashy songs, etc., maybe they'd take them off the air. Instead now we have to be more vigilant as parents than ever. It's harder and harder to raise decent moral kids these days because of the garbage that's thrown at them through TV, radio, adverstising, etc. What happened to morality? Do people even know what that is anymore? What happened to people being polite and respectful of others?
I was walking into the mall yesterday and this young man yelled at one of his friends F*** You real loud. I was offended. I don't want to have to be subjected to that. If they want to talk trash to their friends, they could at least do it quieter where the rest of us don't have to hear. I have two teenagers as well as a three year old. I feel like I have to shield my three year olds eyes and ears sometimes.
Kids are already growing up way to fast and aren't staying innocent anymore. How sad. I remember playing with barbies until I was 12 or 13 years old. Now 13 year old girls are having sex. And what teenager is ready to have sex? I was just talking to my 19 year old son last night, and I'm so proud of him. He has a good head on his shoulders. He told me that teenagers aren't ready to have sex because their brains aren't fully developed until they're in their mid twenties. He's taking Psychology in college so he's learning a lot about this stuff right now. I'm just real proud of him that he wants to wait till marraige. He has always treated his girlfriends like queens, buying them real thoughtful gifts, taking them out, and heaven forbid, opening doors for ladies! I think that's becoming a lost art. I don't know how many times I've walked into a mall or store behind a young man who slammed the door in my face, so it's nice to see nice manners. It seems to be getting rarer and rarer.
When we've forgotten our manners and mistreat each other, then that's when society starts to go down the tube. It worries me this trend I see. Sex is just thrown in our faces anymore in shows even commercials! Everywhere. Whatever happened to a little mystery? When stuff is thrown at you (like Brittney Spears dancing around in her underwear) it just looks disgusting. Sorry, I know I sound old and old fashioned. I'm only 42! I'm no prude, but I do like to see manners, respect, etc. Sorry I rambled on. I just wish more people would stand up for what's right and good.
Not at all April, you're not old fashioned, you're strong and straight thinking.
Everyone wants a world where children can grow up proper, with the right teachings and free from being tainted by today’s sleazy back-talking culture.
I am not saying I have 'caved in', but I just can't seem to bring myself to challenge the industries, companies and manufacturers of today’s modern trash, basically because I can’t. But I sure as hell won't be saying 'if you can't beat 'em..' either. You may think that all the kids around the world are being affected, and that trash music, culture, advertisements etc are screwing up the entire world. It's not. A majority of children still hold true to common values that you would be teaching to your kids. I'll agree and disagree to this though.
Parents know these things in life are bound to happen, their daughters will walk into a Supre store and find a shirt they like, that is completely intolerable, or their sons will find a liking to a particularly foul mouthed rapper's album. I'm not saying these things are okay in society, but it’s growing whether the straight-thinking parent prefers it or not.
Now some parents, (much like you) are heaven blessed with wonderful children, that still know moral values, dignity and a sense of good judgment.
Not all teenagers and young adults can be like your son. as society grows, be it growing forward or back, things will never be the way they were 20,30, 40 years ago.
I'm not saying we should adapt to it, to take in the trash and call it the new standard of living, but there isn't much we can do against it but block our ears and don't allow ourselves to ever call that **** 'life-note-worthy'
You can't shield your children from advertisements, commercials, tv, or even promotions of the present, you just can't, so why not help them face the trashy music and let them learn how corrupting modern industries are? I am sad to say Good kids are hard to come by, but it doesn't mean there aren't any. These pop cultures, rap, rnb, 'urban' sub cultures are growing, but it's not as if it's going to rule the world. Like I said the world isn't doomed to fall into the trash-ridden, broken-English promiscuous sleazy gangster drug life that is sometimes over-exaggerated. Not everyone is tipping the scale here, it's just that there is a gap between the kids that know Right, and the kids that 'Noe aiight'. get it? The rift is getting bigger between the two, but not everyone is falling in.
This kid has what he feels to be a problem. It helps him none if everyone is bickering over what is right or wrong.
Just hang in there. Everyone thinks about this some time in this life. I cannot tell you an anwer to this because it is up to you to decide wheather or not you will be "addicted to porn". Remember, you are not defined by those around you or by anyone that tells you anything here. There is no right or wrong answer, just as long as you are truly happy with who you are.
I know how you feel; I have been is simliar situations. Sometimes, as embarresing as it might be, it helps to talk to your parents. You just might feel better at the end of the day.
Hey man I'm 15 and I went through what you did except i didn't really hang out with the wrong people... I just liked sexual stuff for a while when I was 14. I have a girlfriend now and that of course raises different issues... If you have someone that loves you it really helps. But just don't hang with those kids. Try getting out and meeting new people. Even if they seem not to be interested, if your a good kid, you will find good kids. Just try at it and don't worry bout masturbating... just limit it a little and try not to go look at porn so much...
Hope this helps
I think we are missing the point here.
Anything can become addictive to someone who has a predisposition for addiction. Addiction is defined by an inability to stop a behavior despite consequences.
There may be someone who can watch pornography but stop if doing so causes stress or problems in life. But then there are people who feel compelled to continue the behavior, even when problems arise from it.
It is very possible to become sexually addicted, and if you feel that you absolutely cannot stop, you should definitely seek counseling before the addictive behavior morphs into something else or causes any more distress in your life.
But to get back to his question....
Yeah, I know where you're coming from. It's been a problem for me too. And you're not alone. In fact, a lot of people (esp. guys) have this problem. But that doesn't make it right.
April's right, it can destroy you. And it will, if you don't stop.
So take it one day at a time. That's my best advice. One day at a time. Get an accountablity partner. If your parents already know about it, then it could be your dad.... if that wouldn't be too awkward. Or a pastor, or a friend. Someone.
This won't go away overnight. But the addiction can be killed.
I must say, April2 Is right. I'm 13. And I believe porn is degrading to women. IN our day today, We're supposed to respect the women in our community. They are much more then what they show and or appear on the movies. I mean I've watched american pie and and all of that junk. Because it's funny. But it's not right for a girl to do dirty things for an X amount of money.It's just sick. And stupid. If your lookign to relief stress buddy, I must say, Boxing is a good way to do it. Or something that involves hitting omething.. hard ha ha. goodluck to ya! And get studying, Your grades will slip and next thing you know youll be failing all your courses, Your parents will be yelling at you 24/7 and your parents will be argueing.
How about we save the porn debate for a separate thread. The boy asked for help.
Akash, if you are feeling overwhelmed by it all which may be leading to your escape into the cyberspace then you need to find someone to talk too.
Remember that although your parents want you to do well, they always always love you no matter what.
You do need to find new friends, bad people aren't your friends. You will learn that as you get older and find meaningful friendships and relationships you will realize. Please do try and study, get out of your room, go to the library or book store and study there, stay away from the computer.
Masterbation is normal - letting it consume your life in it's entirety is not. Do you have someone you trust you can talk to? Have you tried telling your parents how pressured you feel? They may not even know you feel that way and possibly could help you if you tell them.
I was in a situation in school (I had always been a straight A student) where I failed a math class in college. I was terrified to tell my parents because I felt they'd be totally disappointed in me. You know what there reaction was? My dad looked at me and said, "how can we help you" The weight was lifted and they helped me get a tutor and I got the credit!
Please try to talk to someone and stay away from the computer for a chunk of your day!