why do I always mess things up?, I always aim for goals that are almost impossible. I am just the wrong girl in the family, I am not a nice person. Well I thought I was a really good person but I am not. Heck, I cant even take care of myself, I wouldn't survive if there was a zombie apocalypse like the video game THE LAST OF US. I am soo talkative and gullible. I really want to study in Johannesburg next year but I don't even know if I am responsible enough to live on my own. I can barely cook. Since I am such a weirdo I doubt I will have any friends. Recently I realised I hate my body so I eat twice a day. its actually really helping. Is it healthy?. This afternoon, I really thought of suicide, but I will go to hell. I really need help. I have never expressed my pain like this.