You've certainly had more than your fair share of confusion and abuse. I only hope that there will be someone in your community that will enable you to recognize that you are a special person, unique, and someday will be able to use all your bad experiences to help others. A suggestion would be to go to a protestant church, maybe a baptist one, where confidentiality is assured, and share your pain with the pastor. If that isn't the answer you need, feel free to write to me, and I can be a good listener. I've had similar experiences, but it's all in the past now. Maybe the methods I've used to overcome might be of a benefit to you. I'm here if you need to talk.
Wow, i can relate, Over the years I have done a lot of research into teen depression and one of the things I have found is that its symptoms are not the same as adult depression. You are, in my opinion, clinically depressed. This means you need some kind of treatment whether that be medication, excercise, talk therapy. although i would recommend the talk therapy anyway because of the abuse. I know from experience that until you talk about it and are able to get it out it will haunt you forever. With regards to the cutting that is a rabbit hole you do not want to go down. It becomes an addiction, both physically and mentally, and its a pain in the *** to quit. That and it ultimately gets you nowhere. I have struggled as a cutter for 7 years, 6 if you count the fact that I was able to abstain for 10 months, but it always gets the best of me. Cutting is a sign that you have emotional pain that you have no other outlet for dealing with...it is a clear sign that therapy (meds or talk) is needed. To address the "Jekyll and Hyde" situation. this is a common scenario amongst teens with depression. Their baseline mood is severely depressed but put in the right situation with the right people and they can enjoy themselves. Ultimately, barring outside influences they are still depressed. To address why: A: you have abuse in your history that has not been dealt with, B: your parents divorced which likely had an affect on you, C: any other significant loss in your life (ie: moving). All of these alone can cause depression, but another cause of depression has nothing to do with situations. It has everything to do with a chemical imbalance in the brain-in other words there is not a thing you could have done to prevent this. I suggest talking to someone about your feeling whether it be a friend, your mother, or as wogman suggests a priest or pastor. Another option is a counselor at your school. Best of luck, let me know if you have any questions or want to talk.
Hello. First of all thank you for your replies. It has really helped me. It felt good to write, since I haven't ever spoken to anyone about this. It's scary, to open up. It's gonna be hard, but I think i'll take you up on that offer. Talking seems to help.
Now that you've taken the first step, you're on the road to recovery. That's a good thing. If you want my msn chat line address, let me know, and we can chat, if you feel that will continue to help. Otherwise, I stand by my offer to listen, and make only recommendations that have helped me. So, if you have any questions, fire away!
PS. Keep up the good work.