Im a 14 year old girl, and feel like i can't voice my thoughts or emotions, or tell people what is wrong with me, even my mom or dad.
I really think I have depression, and i don't know what to do with myself.
It doesnt help that someone who was like a brother to me killed himself, and finding out from his friend, and having the blame put on you. Finding that out just made me feel worthless and lke I don't deserve to live. I couldnt even tell my mom what had happened, i ended up texting her what happened when I was in a class at school, then when I got home, she ignore me, just like she did when I wrote her a letter saying thatI think I have depression.
I feel, like I have to wear a mask, to hide from other people, that I'm not allowed to show my real emotions, and I put into my head, that i have to keep quiet, and not talk to people, as I dont want to suddenly blurt out my problems, like I should be the only person to deal with it, as I feel like a burden myself, and noone else needs to deal with what I am going through and bring them down.
As a result of constantly thinking this, I have resorted to isolating myself from everyone, I sit in my room all the time, and just read, and at school, i never talk, just have to follow my 'friends' around, as I want to make a good impression for them, eventhough I always hear them talk about me to my twin.
I keep everything to myself, i deal with things with just shutting down, and bottling my emotions up, and they build up and up, until I can't take it anymore, and just end up bursting out crying. This happened in one of my classes, and noone gave a damn, and in those moments, i feel like 'why do I even bother?, there isnt any point of being on the earth if something as simple as crying doesnt bring the attention of those who are meant to atleast notice me.' even if I dont want to be noticed, it is nice to have someone care.
Even if you spend the time to read this, your probably just thinking Im some stupd teen with problems that aren't even big, but these are just some of the things i feel, on a day to day basis, and I feel like i really need help, and I dont know what to do anymore, so please, I feel that i really need advice..