I dont know what to do anymore

[Empty_Promises]

Im a 14 year old girl, and feel like i can't voice my thoughts or emotions, or tell people what is wrong with me, even my mom or dad.

I really think I have depression, and i don't know what to do with myself.
It doesnt help that someone who was like a brother to me killed himself, and finding out from his friend, and having the blame put on you. Finding that out just made me feel worthless and lke I don't deserve to live. I couldnt even tell my mom what had happened, i ended up texting her what happened when I was in a class at school, then when I got home, she ignore me, just like she did when I wrote her a letter saying thatI think I have depression.

I feel, like I have to wear a mask, to hide from other people, that I'm not allowed to show my real emotions, and I put into my head, that i have to keep quiet, and not talk to people, as I dont want to suddenly blurt out my problems, like I should be the only person to deal with it, as I feel like a burden myself, and noone else needs to deal with what I am going through and bring them down.
As a result of constantly thinking this, I have resorted to isolating myself from everyone, I sit in my room all the time, and just read, and at school, i never talk, just have to follow my 'friends' around, as I want to make a good impression for them, eventhough I always hear them talk about me to my twin.

I keep everything to myself, i deal with things with just shutting down, and bottling my emotions up, and they build up and up, until I can't take it anymore, and just end up bursting out crying. This happened in one of my classes, and noone gave a damn, and in those moments, i feel like 'why do I even bother?, there isnt any point of being on the earth if something as simple as crying doesnt bring the attention of those who are meant to atleast notice me.' even if I dont want to be noticed, it is nice to have someone care.

Even if you spend the time to read this, your probably just thinking Im some stupd teen with problems that aren't even big, but these are just some of the things i feel, on a day to day basis, and I feel like i really need help, and I dont know what to do anymore, so please, I feel that i really need advice..

[Zac0909]

I believe I understand. Thinking that you are as useful to other people as the dirt we walk on, its depressing indeed, I live it almost everyday. You stay quiet most of the time because you don't think they would care or you don't want to bring anyone else down with you? It's how I feel about it. What I believe is that most people won't care, it's not their life, but there will be at least a few people who do care. Just keep looking. Hiding your emotions is just apart of life, just more so for some people, I'm one of them. Don't feel bad about not showing your true colors, all you need to know is that you are your own person.

If you ever need to talk, I can be there, I'm open-minded and friendly

[Empty_Promises]

Thank you, its just so difficult, because i find it so hard to talk to people, i cant even talk to my mom or dad about problems, they always try to, but i never do, then it always ends up in an argument and me going off and crying.

But thanks

[azuza]

First, I want you to know that you are important. Your feelings are important, and I don't believe that you're 'some stupid teen with stupid problems.' Everything you're feeling right now is big. Everything.
There is purpose for you. There's a purpose for everyone. You aren't worthless, or undesired. I hear everything you're saying, and I feel it, too. Please trust me when I say, "I've been through hell & back." I know what it's like to feel isolation. I know the pain of feeling like no one cares about me feelings - even by my own parents. I understand crying myself to sleep. I've felt crushed and depressed. I've wanted it to end, and I almost did end it. But, you know what? I realized that I have a purpose. I repeated it every day when I felt the depression, "I have a purpose." I don't believe that anyone here on this earth is a mistake. Not you. Not anyone.

Sometimes, it's really hard to connect the dots - from here to the future - but I know that this will pass. Good things will come. I know that everything you're suffering from right now is only going to make you stronger for the wonderful future ahead. Put yourself out there! Just be the beautiful you that you're meant to be. Do things you love, and find a passion. Meet new people. Join a club, whatever you love! I got out of my depression, and I know you can, too. Be strong. :]