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Avatar universal

I look in the mirror and see a guy,

I look in the mirror and see a guy,
Who is staring back at me.
I don't know who he is,
Because he's not the guy I wanna be.
He puts a smile on,
While inside he is falling apart.
He says, "I'm okay",
As pain fills he heart.
He pretends not to care,
As everyone slowly walks away.
He hides behind his mask,
And pretends to be okay.
He is scared to open up,
And call someone he best friend.
They all turn out the same,
And never really care in the end.
He is scared to let people close,
It always ends up as heartache.
He decides to trust someone,
But it always ends up as a big mistake.
He feels like a stranger in his own home,
Like he doesn't even belong.
He tries the best he can,
But it always seems to be wrong.
He freezes up at the word "love",
People throw it around too much.
His muscles constrict,
As he is afraid to be touched.
He has ideas for the future,
Hopes and dreams of his own.
But he doesn't hold his breath,
Because disappointment is all he has ever known.
He asks, "Why am I never good enough",
"Why am I always second choice"?
People tell him he's got to stand up for what he wants,
He's got to find his own voice.
I know who I wanna be,
It's all so much clearer.
But the fact of life is,
I'm only the guy in the mirror.
.
.
.
.
I want to be this guy that everyone wants me to be yet i cant see
myself as that person that they want me to be.
6 Responses
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Avatar universal
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way.  I've been there.  That poem could have very well described me a few years ago.  (Very beautifully written, by the way, if you wrote it!)  It's tough.  I wanted to be away from everyone, up in my room in front of a computer where I knew I could talk to people who wouldn't judge me and I could also escape into the world of fictional writing where I didn't have to deal with my reality.  That was really the worst thing for me to do. Isolation is a natural tendency when you feel this way, though, but fighting it is really the only way to overcome it.  It's hard to spend time around people when they irritate you or you can't stand it, but eventually it becomes easier.

I think the most important thing you should note is that it doesn't matter what everyone else wants you to be.  It only matters you be what you want to be.  Only then can you truly find happiness.  You can try all you want to be who everyone else wants you to be, but you can only do it to an extent.  It stifles you.  You still feel like that mask is on.  People will be disappointed no matter how you act, even if it is the way they think you ought to be.  It's an unfortunate fact of life, but I think you'll find learning to be who you want to be and being confident in that will make you happy and confident, and people will either like it or not, but it won't matter because those who matter will like it.

I would suggest journaling your thoughts and feelings.  It could be through poetry, if that's an easy method for you, or just free writing whatever happened that day and exploring how you felt and why.  I'd also suggest using it to explore who you want to be and how you can get there.  You'll find with some time, you'll eventually come up with an idea of who you want to be, how you can get there, and why you are feeling the way you are now.

It also helps to talk to someone, whether a therapist or counselor (if you can see one) or a trusted friend.  Sometimes even strangers (usually via the internet in this sort of setting is easiest for that, though).  Find someone who will listen to you and let you vent and talk and won't make you feel judged while still try to offer you advice.

I hope you find your way out of this.  Hopefully you find a method to cope that is healthy and makes you feel good about yourself, knowing you're taking action.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Beautiful poem.  I could hear my son saying these exact words.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Wow just wow! The poem describes me perfectly!

People around me think I'm all put together. But what they don't they see is is behind the mask. Me falling apart. No body knows I've ever though of suicide never mind tried it 5 times.

Lately though I see myself slipping, I just can't hide it anymore. I still hide it. But I can't even put on a smile anymore. and everything irritates me. So I'm really scared that people are starting to think I'm a b****.

I've been hiding my storm for at least a year and half now but even before then I had been hiding my storm for a couple years. It just entiseifed so fast!

I also write poetry about how I feel. Since June I have written 42 poems and since September 40. At one point I was writting 3 a day.
It's a great and healthy way to vent. And I would recamend it to anyone
Plus if your feeling crappy might as well get a nice poem out of it. In my opinion the best poems are deep.

If you ever need some to just talk to, I am here. I know what your going threw! I know were different people but I think understand what your going threw.

Feel free to message me. I would love to help. It's my dream to help people and I'd LOVE to start with you!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Very good poem. Well done :) thats brilliant x x x
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey there,
I've been in those shoes, I understand what it's like. thatquietgirl has some great suggestions! Keeping a journal really helped me through it - started out as only poetry for a couple years, then got into free-style entries as well. Really helps you examine your feelings more objectively - you write down how you feel about something, and then look at "why do I feel this way?" Usually by the end of an entry I'll have sorted out what I'm feeling - which part is me and which part is the depression. It's a great exercise.

Another important thing to realize is that you can NEVER live up to someone else's expectations, because you don't *really* know what they have in mind. But more importantly, you shouldn't even try!! Look at what's important to you - your morals, your priorities and your goals. Be the person that you aspire to be - and other people will be proud and respectful of that. Because it means you will be genuine - and that is something very special in itself, no matter who or what you decide to be!

All the best!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I showed your beautiful poem to my 15 year old son, I knew this was him inside but he does not want to talk to me about it I suggested he join this forum for answers and help for himself. He just does not want to worry me about anything which in turn makes me worry even more. He is very smart on the national honor society, gets honor roll all the time says school is boring can't stand people who disrupt class and act out that show no respect for anyone. he has the biggest heart and wants to always help others and always get crapped on in the end got  any help for a mom in need WE wish you all the best for you keep good thoughts always THANKS FOR THE POEM
Helpful - 0
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