I want it to stop.

[Gelise]

I am 17 and 2-5 times a month I can not cope normally. It is impossible. I have a trigger of some sort and I become intensely depressed. Apparently my mom has similar problems, but she doesn't need extra help. I however hate how I feel so alone and alienate from the human race. A few years ago I frequently thought about suicide, and I cut myself because it was a way to get attention from my then-friends and supposedly creates a high and helps troubled teens cope with problems. It didn't work for me. I have not threatened myself since because I discovered that I love living.

I still get depressed, and I feel like I'm mentally disturbed. Whatever event was bothering me become the focal point of every feeling I can feel. It's life or death, right or wrong, damnation or salvation. I try hard to keep to myself, when I reach out to anyone, I must sound like a desperate lunatic. I sound to them, that I have a depression disorder. It usually happens in the evening when I am alone, and can last 15minutes to hours and at worse 2 days. I learn to deal with it, and try not to linger in those feelings but I don't think I can go on with it happening so often.
I don't know if this is a hormonal problem or a mental state of mind. It lasts a half a day usually so I haven't ever actively sought out help. I'm embarrassed by it and still want to convince myself: I'll stop it next time, or it wont happen again. When I feel normal, I feel wonderful.
Is there anyone that can help me?

[Gelise]

When this does happen to me, I definitively feel that I can not stop it. And the lasting effect is usually sadness, I don't feel all happy afterwards, unless i went and blabbed all my confused feelings to someone. If I blab (as i call it) then i'll feel better immdiently and extremely stupid and guilty, wishing that I had never said anything in the first place. XD

[Bonesy_the_ish]

I know this sounds crazy, but I know what you are going through. I am 16 and for whatever reason, whenever I feel that something is unjust or that I know I am right, but can't explain myself, I start crying uncontrollably. I thought I was the only one. For years, I have tried to explain it, but nobody seems to understand. Do you feel like no matter what you do, you can't stop yourself? Usually, if I notice myself starting to freak out, I can lessen the effect by breathing in for a count of three, holding my breath for a count of eight or twelve, then exhaling for a count of three. It forces my heart to slow down and makes me focus on something other than whatever is setting me off.
The only way I have been able to describe it to other people is being temporarily Bi-polar. Whenever it happens to you, do you just become depressed, or do you find that immediately afterwards you feel fine, even happy?

[Gelise]

It started when I was 12-15 due to the fact that I had a friend who helped me believe we were superhuman beings. I now hold a strong bias against fiction and love, these are usually my 'triggers' as I put it earlier.
However these depressive moods seem independent, and the biases only make it stronger. My parents suggest that I'll learn to snap out of it as time goes on, and I am successful from time to time...

When I haven't recently felt the depressive mood, it's super easy to tell myself that it is not as bad as I make it seem. Maybe I do have to grow out of it? But I never want to go through it again, I feel like I'm under attack and all I think or feel is turned against me.

[jessilb]

Listen, you need to see someone.  Either have your parents go to your doctor for a referral for a psychiatrist or go to your school psychologist if you have one.  Can you think of anything even if it's way back when you were 3 that could be triggering this?  I am sorry to say that these things don't just go away.  It takes talking with a professional and brainstorming ways to deal with it when it comes.  I know it seems hopeless and that you are all alone but it will get better if you have the skills to get it that way.  You may need medication too.  I cut myself when I was younger too, it is nothing to be ashamed of but it is something that needs to be stopped.  I think you said you did so good for you for getting over that hurdle.  If you want to talk sometime you can friend me and if you get specific enough I may be able to pull up some of my tricks to share with you.  Good luck and hope I hear from you.