im the least of my parents problems.

[biggirl36]

okay so my family is going through a bit of a hard time right now. im 14 (female) and have a family of five. my oldest brother is in first yr univercity and my parents started having a little money problems. it was no big deal until
my mom lost her job. then it got hard. then there were rumors that my dad was going to lose his job which was our main income. so evrything got a little stressfull because we didnt know when it was going to happen. ontop of that the middle child (or my other older brother) was getting into some school problems. so then my parents were stressed about that. and then i was also having some school problems but me and my older brothers problems are different, he has acedemic problems. when im having social problems. but just like my whole life my parents just didnt think those types of problems are valid for worrying. they n.e.v.e.r even bpther to wory about me! and if i do bring somthing up they think im overreacting and if i get all upset and get in a fight they say im being selfish because they have bigger problems! im always not worth there time. im a good kid who never gets into acedemic trouble or fist fights but my social life is important to me. and its crappy right now. according to my mother im "needy" towards my friends and that will drive them away. and my dad just yells. so now i have been angry at them and they just think im being selfish. just because they have bigger problems does that mean that mine dont matter? my best friend is not thebest judje of character and always gets to be friends with som1 who uses and follows her like a dog. and now this dog is trying her hardest to push me away and insult me. im bad at making friends with multiple people so i always just have one really great friend. sadly thats not my best friend. and she has to have many. which im fine with im not posesive. but thats how she sees me right now evan though the friend she made is evil in descise. (she dosnt show it infront of my best friend). and with the new school and all im bad at first impressions so its hard for me to make friends. wat do i do???

[AlleyCat11]

things are going to get better i promise my friend kinda went through that to i am here if you need me you can talk to me any time so i know how stressful it could be

[biggirl36]

lol thx!

[x89rt]

If you ever need to talk, you always have us.


... unless you stop paying your internet bill, lol.

[biggirl36]

thankss ur advice really helps. and im trying my best to be nice but iv had a past reputation that i tell the truth a little to much and some ppl consider that not so nice so its hard to have a clean slate and reputaion of the nice one when u start off with that but im trying my best. thx again

[meniere135]

You made me laugh with your comment above - I pick the comment that I'm "insanely smart"!  That will start my day off well!  Thanks!!!  LOL.  

As they say, wisdom comes with age.  I'm in my 40's now and have seen a lot!  I'm a "people observer" and always have been.  I'm not judgemental.  I just started realizing as I got older that everyone comes from different situations and different upbringings.  We all have different family set-ups.  We all have different experiences with how people treat us.  We all have quirks and we're all weird in our own way.  But we all have something good inside of us, even those nasty people at school have something good inside of them. Knowing this, It makes it easier to forgive people. Don't take what they say personally (easier said than done).  If you are being nice to everyone, that's all you can do.  Don't enter the "drama" they all create.  Be logical.  Be the mature one (somebody has to be).  But remember, you are no better than them, and they are no better than you.   If you truly believe this, then eventually the kids will sense that, even though you don't do the nasty things that they do, that you don't think you are superior to them either and that you're a good person.  It makes you more approachable.  Give it time.  Hope to hear from you!

[biggirl36]

thankyou soo much! you all are super nice and i did talk to my mum. (haha!) she has ben having a lot of bad days and she wants to listen but its hard when you have so uch to deal with. (as you said). by the way  meniere135 do i know you?? are you my mom?? are you spying on me or just insanly smart??? i have just realized that my best ffriend isnt such a good friend. she is purposly trying to make me feel insecure about myself and she wants as many recruits as she can get to do so. so im back to square one. finding a good friend that dosnt use me or other people. and surviving high school. thanks for your help i understand and will use each of your advices. and your not the first ones to tell me it will get better at some point, i think im just impatiant for my social life to stop being so "wierd" and suckish. thank you soo much.

[Judy246]

I just read your post and I think you are very articulate, intelligent and know what is going on. Your parents financial situation is definately a major issue, because food has to be put on the table, bill have to be paid on time and if not, your family can has the possiblity of having to depend to the government to survive or worse homelessness, so I recommend that you become aware of the seriousness of not having money to even eat.

Your feelings are important and very real, right now your parents are too worry about the survival of the family and for now I recommend that if you can't find a trusting friend to talk about your feelings, you can always come MEDHELP forum for support, understanding and advice. Life is a journey and we grown, mature and learn from our good and bad experiences. We all have a touch of neediness, it human nature, it's how you project yourself, but you are only 14 and going to mom is always best even if she is having a bad day to just talk. Avoid arguments and fights within the family and walk away before saying something you might regret later. Words are like weapons and they wound deep inside, so just simply show class and walk away. You will learn that friends will come and go, but family is forever and learn to handle your problems as best as you can and not fall needy to friends. I wish you luck and think you are very smart and have a great future ahead. It's all up to you the direction you want to take...Hugs, Judy

[Nat_16]

Hi there, As I read what you wrote I feel how much you want to change your current situation.  I am only a few years older than you (im 19) so I dont have the experience of running the family and being a parent but I do know a few things.  

You should definately keep trying to talk to your mum (yes Im an aussie...excuse spelling differences hahaha!!) about how lonely you feel and anything else that is on your mind.  Be totally open and honest with her and explain things from your perspective.

Help your parents around the house doing whatever you can, even something small like folding some washing while watching TV or whatever.  All the small things help.  

Believe in yourself, and believe things will get better.  Feel free to talk with me if you want to ask anything else and hopefully I'll be able to help.  I've experienced what you are going through and I know what it can be like.  Things have improved for me and they will do the exact same for you...you just have to hang in there.

Take care, Natalie

[meniere135]

I just read what you wrote, and you have good insight into your family's situation.  When too many things go wrong, it gets overwhelming for parents.  And, yes, the good kid is the one to get slighted when it comes to attention.  So, obviously, your parents are very well aware of the fact that you are the "good" kid.    Believe me, they are very thankful for you.   And it would be great if they would take time out to understand your problems right now.  I have three kids, two who have trouble with certain things and take up all my time.  My third one never had trouble, and now she needs my attention.  I think I kind of reacted like your parents did.....I made it out like her problems are nothing.....not because I love her any less, but I'm tired and feel like I don't have any energy left to solve any more problems.  So your parents "not paying attention to you or your problems"  has nothing to do with you being any less deserving or special or any less loved.  They're just overwhelmed solving problems.

Now my oldest daughter had the same kind of social problems you are having.  It started when she was in 7th grade.  The girls started getting nastier.  The girls got very competitive.  Seems they all wanted to be the prettiest one, the smartest one, the most athletic one, the most liked one, the best dressed one.  But my daughter thought that she was not likeable, that she must be weirder than everyone else.  At the same time she started getting depressed.  She had no one to call her best friend.  She just felt like people were tolerating her.  Because everyone acted superficial and distant, she started getting uncomfortable in social situations.  It seemed whatever she said or did was interpreted as "weird".  I thought things would be better in high school.  She finally met a girl that she "clicked" with.  This girl turned out to be her worst nightmare.  She and two other girls completely sabotaged my daughter on the computer and on texting.   They tortured her for two years and it has finally stopped.  Now, in senior year in high school. she is starting to make friends.  She finds it easier to be friends with boys most of the time.  She has now found out that all the "popular" kids are the ones that no one liked.  Her depressed feeling is starting to go away.  

During the teen years, I think you usually see the worst of people.  All you want is a good friend.  It doesn't seem like much to ask for, but geez! it sure is hard to find one.
Down the road, you'll run into these same people on the street, and they'll be very nice to you, because they've finally matured and learned how to be a nice person.
Hang in there.  Keep trying to talk to your mom and let her know how lonely you feel.
Fathers almost always think that social problems are stupid and blow off your problems.   Believe me, things will get better for you.  You have a good head on your shoulders.  Believe in yourself.  If you want to talk about anything specific, I hope I can help.  In the meantime, try to help your parents out in your own way.  Keep being nice to those around you, at home and in school.  But don't let the kids at school walk all over you.