a diagnosis?

[cantstopperfection]

i'm a sixteen year old female who has suffered from depression since 7th grade. i've had feelings of depression on and off ever since then and have struggled with bouts of cutting. recently, i've begun to address how serious these conditions are and my anxiety and depression have gotten worse. this year, there are been points where i've felt so depressed that i am literally sick and cannot leave bed.
some of the symptoms i've been having are:
- depression ranging from severe to mild (ie. i can't get out of bed or i'm just mildly unhappy)
- i  feel paranoid and mistrustful of close friends, as well as new acquaintances. i feel as if everyone is out to get me and that i'm unworthy to be around people.
- even with the mild depression, i have severe self-esteem issues. i think that no one will ever love me, i will never be appreciated, my dreams are all hopeless, and the fact that everyone else in the world is better than me.
- i obsess over the things i do. it started in elementary school where i felt it completely necessary to excel in my schoolwork and in every aspect of my life. if i couldn't do an activity, i would quit because i felt as though everyone expected me to do well. this obsession has become increasingly worse through high school. it's spread from school to other activities, including social situations and is one of the reasons for my mistrust of people. i believe that i'm not worthy for other people to love or like.
- i've had thoughts of suicide although i have never acted on them and i've often planned ways to do it.
- i have had on and off bouts of cutting. it provides me with momentary relief but then i feel guilty and hate myself even more after. however, i use it as a coping mechanism and it's hard to stop.
- i suffer from insomnia and, when i do sleep, i often sleep for twelve hours or more if someone doesn't wake me up.
- i have had some struggle with anorexia because i believe that every aspect of myself should be perfect.
- the obsession with perfection has also spilled over to my appearance. i used to spend ten minutes getting ready and now i can spend an hour and a half or more in front of the mirror, obsessing over myself.
- little things trigger large reactions in me. one small joking comment will make me see red and snap at someone, even though i'm normally a very docile person.
- i used to be very loud and confident but now i have trouble talking to new people and rarely enjoy hanging out with friends. i'd rather stay at home by myself.
- i never, ever talk to people about my problems. i always have to bottle things up inside because i feel like people don't want to hear about it and that i'm just complaining.
- in certain social situations, i've had mild panic attacks pertaining to embarrassing myself in front of a large crowd. my throat tightens and i have trouble breathing. i often must excuse myself to the bathroom to calm down.
i went to see a psychologist about five times when my parents found out about the cutting but i felt as though she didn't help me at all. it was good to talk to someone but it didn't exactly help my symptoms at all. i would really like to better understand if i have a problem because i feel like it will help me better manage it. if you could help me i really appreciate it because i feel as though this problem is holding me back in my life. i never try new things and i'm afraid to branch out in what i really want to do with life. so if you could please provide me with a diagnosis or a hint at what might be going on with me, i would very much appreciate it.

[Isabella_Johnson]

Your Welcome, I'm glad I could help :)

[cantstopperfection]

thank you so much for your help.
i really appreciate it. :]
if anyone else has any other suggestions, it'd be great to hear them.
i'm just trying to find all possible options.

[Isabella_Johnson]

It definitely sounds like you have depression, and it sounds like a bad case. and I completely understand what you are going through. When I was your age and younger, I'm 21 now, I had *severe depression, and I had almost the exact symptoms that you have. Something that you might consider is visiting a doctor, and asking him/her if there are any types of medication that she could prescribe to you, that helps depression. Here is a website you can visit that tells you the names of depression medications  http://www.buzzle.com/articles/depression-medication-list-of-antidepressants.html (copy and paste the link into your browser) Just look over the names of those medications, and if there is one that sounds like might help you, If you decide to visit a doctor ask if you can try that medication, to see if it might help you. Something else that might help your depression is having a hobbie, is there something that you enjoy doing, maybe art? or sports? music? Shopping? Reading? Also just think positive thoughts, and tell the negative to go away. Just think you are only 16 years old, think of how much life you have ahead of you! Thats very exciting to think about! And you said that you don't like to tell people about your problems, because you feel as though they don't wan't to hear them.  Don't think that way, find someone who you are very close to and tell them about your problems, if it's your parents or a close friend, whoever it may be, just ask them if you can talk and tell them what's bothering you. It helps to tell someone. Trust me. Also you said you feel as though your appearance has to be perfection. Nobody's apperance is perfection, Just look in the mirror every-morning, and say to yourself, " I am Beautiful", and smile to yourself. Start your day with something positive.

- I hope my advice helps, and that your depression gets better, I know how hard it is to deal with. If you ever have anymore questions that you need help with or anything you would like to know about depression. Feel free to send me a message or note, and I will answer your questions. Good Luck :)