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Teen Mental Health Issues Community
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depression

I'm a 15 year old and i feel ridiculously sad a lot of the time. I play a lot of tennis and go to a private school. I have a lot of really close friends, but im not popular. I used to be just really happy, but the end of last year and this year have just been the worst. I constantly think about quitting tennis as i dont love it as much as i did, but i need a scholarship for college. I have almost all As, and A-s, except for one B+ but I dont try enough because i dont really want to anymore. I used to be really motivated and now i feel empty inside. I know that i could get straight As and start really playing tennis really well if i only tried harder. But i just cant anymore. My dad drinks a lot, and i know that my mom and i put a lot of stress on him, and its sad to see him disintegrate more and more everyday. We are going broke and i am on a scholarship and i honestly just want to get away from everything. My mom is really paranoid about everything and wont let me go to any parties and its like she doesnt trust me to make judgments. She thinks that because i wear makeup im a rebel and i hate it. I have thought numerous times about death and how to hurt myself. I wonder who would care if i died, and what my life would be life if someone close to me died. I want to run away and forget the world i knew and start over because i hate having these thoughts. Im already skinny and im eating less which is really bad for my tennis because i am not strong enough. I know its normal for a teenager to feel like this, but I just want to stop feeling like this and i dont know how. I dont drink or do drugs, but I do think about it sometimes to just spite my parents or for someone to notice.I had a really great guy who i could tell everything to, but he suddenly broke up with me because i guess we were just like best friends, but now we dont even talk and i miss him so much, and sometimes when we see each other i think he misses me too. We dont have the same friends, and on the outside he acts like a jerk sometimes, but hes really not and so sensitive. I miss having that reliability. I have best friends, and some understand but i cant stop feeling like this. I dont know what to do and im scared i might do something really stupid. I also feel like I am drenching myself in self-pity for no reason and i feel like an idiot but i hope someone can help me. thank you!
3 Responses
1552748 tn?1294215376
It is not normal for You to question "suicide" and it is not normal for all teenagers to feel depressed Hun, You seem like You are going through a really hard time and it might be best if You find someone to speak to about this in person; a school counselor, a local therapist or trusted adult.
You do not have to go through this alone there is always someone wanting to listen and someone who cares, You just need to reach out and let people know You are need of it.
It is really good that You took the time to post on this forum and reach out.
1416835 tn?1295814883
ProudMumToBe is absolutely right that it's not "just growing up" to think of harming yourself.  And even if it were, that doesn't change how you feel.  Don't let anyone make you think that you're weak or a bad person or "silly" or whatever because you're having trouble coping.  Being young doesn't mean your feelings are less real than anyone else's.  I had a major depressive episode starting when I was 14 and my parents thought I was just "being emo".  They realised their mistake later on and now my mother says she feels terrible that she dismissed my feelings as youthful nonsense.  
This is probably mild depression (but just because it's mild, doesn't mean it's to be ignored or that it doesn't matter - mild depression can become severe depression).  It is a completely understandable response to your situation.  I would recommend seeing a counsellor or psychologist or some kind of therapist, who knows cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT).  That's important, because it's very effective in dealing with problems - everyday problems, depression, anxiety, sleep problems, eating problems, everything.  It can help you out and just as importantly, keep you happy when you're through this and feeling happy again (which WILL happen, I can just about guarantee).  
Just ask whichever therapist whether they know CBT (they almost certainly will, it's quite common) and try them out.  There are bad therapists out there and good ones, so if you get one that doesn't help, don't be afraid to ditch them and find another.  It's vital that you find someone that connects with you properly.  And it's not your fault if that doesn't happen.  
Anti-depressants are over-prescribed in America.  Whatever you do, don't let some doctor just give you anti-depressants and not refer you to anyone who can give you "talking therapy".  And don't even take anti-depressants unless you really believe that you can't get through without them.  There is nothing shameful about taking anti-depressants and in lots and lots of cases they are absolutely necessary for becoming well.  But nevertheless you don't want to go on them unless you have to - they take weeks to kick in, there are some side effects, there are withdrawal symptoms when going off them, adjusting symptoms when going on them - not terrible things, but things you don't want to deal with unless you have to.  
Also, try talking to your closer friends about it.  They may be surprised and a little overwhelmed at first, but you'd be surprised what little things they can do to help - staying up late one night comforting you, doing something fun with you to take your mind off things, encouraging you, telling you they care - simple things like that.  Your therapist will be able to tell you - and maybe them, if you're okay with that - more about that.  
I'd say try the school counsellor first and if they're not good, see whom your GP refers you to.  
Good luck!  I was severely depressed in high school - I couldn't function at all, not at all.  But look at me now - all A grades at the best university in my country (admittedly it's little New Zealand), a great boyfriend (after many terrible experiences with men), job offers.  Think of this as the horrible chapter in the novel that passes and then comes the happy ending.  
1566777 tn?1295427838
I used to feel like you, from when i was 12-21. its getting better slowly but i didnt get help for years because i thought no one could help me. please go and see your doctor, tell them exactly what you have wrote here. They should refer you for counseling and you might have to see a psychiatrist but they will be able to stop you from feeling like this. good luck xx
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